(Closed) Adult only reception, its our day..so I thought!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@FutureMrs86:  As much as I understand that, in the end it’s just going to add fuel to the fire of those that are already pissed off about the no kids thing to begin with. We are lucky, since all the kids in our families are over 15, most are over 18, with the exception of our nieces and nephews and my MOH’s 2 year old daughter. So the only young kids at our wedding will be those we are close with.

I feel for you, guest lists are always a thing of drama in families, I’m not trying to tell you what to do, just think you should be aware that the wedding party kids may cause some extra drama with other family members, so be prepared.

Post # 20
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You do not have to invite anybody you don’t want to invite. People will want thier kids/grandkids to be invited and that’s understandable, but that doesn’t mean that you have to give into them. Just keep saying, we’ve made the decision to have an adult reception, while we love them, I’m sorry we cannot accomodate your children.

Post # 21
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@FutureMrs86:  “Either way I just think that no matter what I do, someone will be upset.”

This is so true. You cannot please everybody, so just do what YOU want.

Post # 23
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@drummerbride:  i am sure there are some people who will bristle at OP’s exception, but i say its perfectly fine to have the Bridal Party kids at the ceremony, especially in this case where they are nieces and nephews and close to the bride and groom. people who would be upset by kids from the Bridal Party at the reception will probably be be mad at something no matter what (“my table is too close to the kitchen” “the lighting here is too dim” “these chairs arent ergonomic” etc)

ETA: just saw your second post… i think we feel the same way! its a crappy situation anyway you look at it

Post # 25
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m in the same situation!  I have 5 nieces and nephews age 6 and under (who will be apart of the wedding party) who will be there, but if I invite all my cousin’s kids and other closer children, we wind up with around 25 kids in an expensive ballroom (many of which we’d have to pay full price at around $85/pp).   

For my older brothers’ weddings we had people bring their children UNINVITED (and un-RSVPed), but I feel horrible b/c kids that closer to the family followed the invitations and didn’t come.  So I’m throwing around the idea of listing “adult only reception” on the card, but making exceptions for families that are out of town (since it would be hard to leave them at home). 

If you invite the one cousin’s kid, I think the families would think it rude if you don’t allow other kids in the same situation (same level of close-ness and both in-town).  Keep it to who you want to invite!

Post # 26
Member
6737 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

WHY DO PEOPLE WANT TO FORCE THEIR CHILDREN ON BRIDES?!?!?!?  I DON’T GET IT. 

NOTHING drives me more insane than this topic.  NOTHING.  Seriously what makes everyone think that it’s okay to drag along their kid to a wedding????????   And they make it seem like it’s INSULTING that ADULTS want to PARTY with other ADULTS and NOT kids. 

W.

T.

F.

Since I’m having such a small wedding, the only kids that will be there will be my niece and nephews and FI’s younger brother (13y/o now, prob 14-15 when we finally get married).  That makes it 4 people under the age of 18, which is a lot when we only anticipate inviting 35 people total. 

But, it drives me insane when people shove their kids and force them upon a couple getting married who wants to have a nice, formal, adult event. 

GET A BABYSITTER. Seriously. It’s not insulting that brides don’t want your kid there.  Get over yourselves!!!!! 

I think you can invite WHOMEVER you want.  Just because you have SOME kids at your wedding doesn’t mean you have to invite others.  It makes perfect sense that you will have a flower girl and ring bearer in your wedding ceremony and thus they would also be invited to the reception, but you want an adults only wedding and so the rest of the kids aren’t invited. 

YOU get to pick whomever you want to invite.  If you wanted to invite one aunt because you’re close with her, but not the rest because you haven’t seen them since you were 12, you wouldn’t feel like you have to invite all your aunts just because you invited one. 

People are going to b1tch no matter what you do.  If you don’t invite this kid, they’re going to b1tch that he wasn’t invited.  If you do, they’ll b1tch the rest weren’t invited. 

This is a lose-lose situation.  If you don’t want kids there, then DON’T invite them.  End of story.

Sorry for that rant, but it totally drives me crazy that people think it’s ok to force an invitation out of the bride for a friggin kid who won’t enjoy the wedding anyway.  YOUR KID IS NOT GOD’S GIFT TO THIS WORLD, sorry – leave him at home!!!

Post # 27
Member
5669 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yes it is your day and your and your Fiance can make any decision you want. However you cannot expect everyone to be happy and agree without you on the decisions you make. If you make a decision that the majority is not please with, then you can certainly stick to that, just know that everyone isn’t going to be thrilled. You just need to stand your ground and that is that.

Have you ever put 200 people in a room and all had then agree? Nope! Therefore it’s not going to happen for a wedding either. But the leader, which is you, needs to make a decision and stick by it.

Post # 28
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I included these cards in the invites for our guests with children. I talked to all the Moms on my invite list personally, and (except for family, of course) it went okay:

“As much as we love the little ones in our lives, this is an adults only evening. If your family will require babysitting services while in Baltimore, contact Rebwana at…”

One couple left their one-month old and 2.5 year old at home- they later said they really appreciated having the night out (they left early, but it was awesome that they came!) Two other OOTers came without their kids, which really surprised me- I thought they would have rsvp’d no because of it, but I guess they used it as a mini-vacation.

 

Post # 30
Member
6737 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
@FutureMrs86:  Muahaha.  Well, if you feel the same way I do, then I would tell you what I would do – I would flat out say NO.  It’s an adults-only reception because the guests will be adults, dancing, drinking and partying LIKE ADULTS DO and there is no room for children. 

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