Post # 1
So I am having a really hard time deciding what to do with this. My fiance and I both prefer to have a kid-free reception. We figure that this would give parents a chance to have a night out and we wouldn’t have to worry about the awkward moment where the 7 year old catches the garter. 🙂
One of the main reasons we decided to have no kids is because I have 3 step siblings and 1 cousin, ages 10-15, who are HORRIBLE! They have absolutely no discipline, are more hyper than any other kids I’ve seen that age, and I have a horrible feeling that things will go wrong if they are there. We also have quite a few children between both of our families, and just think it would be easier to do adults only.
I mentioned this idea to both my mom and future Mother-In-Law. Mother-In-Law thinks it’s a great idea. My mom doesn’t like the idea (which I’m guessing is because her stepchildren wouldn’t be invited). She says we will lose a lot of guests and even said…get ready for this one…that if I had no kids she would have to leave after the ceremony and miss pictures while she and my stepdad drove the kids to their moms house for the weekend!! Hello?! You are the MOTHER OF THE BRIDE…shouldn’t that be more important than worrying about your stepkids at MY wedding? By the way, FH and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves.
Post # 3
I suspect that your mom is calling your bluff. Stick to your guns and keep it adults-only. Your mom will find a different way for the stepkids to be taken care of. She won’t want to miss pictures and such. You’ve got 10 more months (we’re date twins!) and she’s got plenty of time to get this figured out.
Post # 4
Oh goodness!! Girl, I’ll tell you. FH and I decided against having children at the wedding immediately. We love kids. We have absolutely nothing against them. However, a wedding is not really a place for children. Depending on what your reception will include, it can be even less kid-friendly. I also have yet to attend a wedding where having children in the wedding didn’t turn into a meltdown before the ceremony finished.
I could just see a very quiet, emotional moment in our vows and suddenly a baby cries. Babies can’t help it. They are babies. Toddlers and preschool kids do NOT get wedding courtesies. It’s just a recipe for disaster if you have not invested in child care activities or something like that away from the actual wedding.
Some have become offended with our decision – not too much, though – but eventually, they get the reasoning and move on. It’s also not very appropriate (even according to Dear Abby) for adults to assume that if they are invited, their children are also invited.
This doesn’t cut out too much of my family, though. So, your results may be much different than ours were. Again – I love kids, but weddings really aren’t the place for one.
Post # 5
eh…call her bluff. i bet she’s just saying that to get you to change your ming.
we paid for our own wedding and it was adults only. were SOME people offended? yup. they didnt come. but the majority of people respected our wishes for our wedding and enjoyed the kid-free night. one note: 2 people did go all rogue and bring their kids. they were completely embarassed and uncomfortable and that’s what they get.
Post # 6
Um, regardless how you feel about your stepsiblings (which i’m guessing isn’t too warm and fuzzy), how do you think their dad/your stepdad will feel? When your mother married him, she became their step-mom and that comes with responsibilities just like being a mother to their own children do. They’re her kids, too, even if they aren’t biological.
It’s one thing to have no children it’s another thing to exclude your own step sisters and brothers completely even if they are poorly behaved.
Post # 7
WOW…totally express your feelings to your mom, that would hurt my feelings! Can’t they drop off the kids to THEIR mom a day before!! I would be so p!ssed! I’m doing an adult wedding only cause they are too many kids in both our families and we thought it would be cheaper for everyone flying out plus were paying for the wedding and kids would have been half our wedding guestlist!
Post # 8
@ejs4y8….I understand your point, and I think that is the part that might hurt my mom and stepdad’s feelings. However, I know that they will not make any extra effort to keep their kids in line, even for a wedding. They are allowed to run around and do whatever they want, and have no rules or discipline. I don’t want to deal with the stress of them running around, chasing each other, and knocking things down or running into people. It would be nothing but a disaster to have them there. Also, I would possibly be okay with them coming to the ceremony and leaving after that, but I think that my mom should find someone to pick them up, rather than miss out on pictures to drive them to their mom’s.
Post # 9
@JuneBride2010: Is there a reason she can’t drop them off the night before? And even if that’s impossible, is there a reason that BOTH your mom and stepdad need to drive them to their mom’s? I think she just wants you to give in on this so she’s just making excuses.
Post # 10
@hotchildinthecity…. I guess the reason why she can’t take them the night before is because she wants them at the ceremony. But then this means they would probably have to come to the rehearsal dinner and I’LL be paying for them. Er… When I first got engaged I really thought I would be able to plan the wedding without drama. Yeah right. My ideal would be that she would get rid of them the night before the wedding, pick them up Sunday, and her and my stepdad and can enjoy the day and not be stressed out and enjoy themselves, as well as the rest of our guests.
Post # 11
Well we are having kid wedding because we are doing a destination and it is hard to ask them not to bring them for the whole week. We are having a room set-up with Tv-Vcr for movies and other activities. I’m not spending money just using what we already have or can borrow.
My friend had an adult only wedding because their wedding was very upscale. The ring bear was the only kid and I felt sorry for him he was so bored!
I think you just need to decide what type of event are you having. My SIL loves kids and wanted them out on the dance floor with her and that’s what she had and we all had a good time. But their wedding was formal in decor but informal in attitude.
Post # 12
@JuneBride2010: I’m probably a terrible person, but I would say they can’t come to the ceremony either. If they’re going to act like monsters at your reception, then there’s no reason they won’t act that way at the ceremony.
Post # 13
Okay, you and your FH are paying for everything AND you aren’t close to these kids and know for sure they’re misbehaved – this is a no-brianer. I agree with HotChild that your Mom is probably playing chicken with you. Stick to your guns, you have plenty of time. Once she realizes you aren’t budging, I’ll bet she suddenly finds alternate transportation for them.
Post # 14
Wow they do sound really badly behaved. I just think it could end up being REALLY sticky–i mean, they’re your siblings! I’m not sure what I’d do in your situation, honestly. Hopefully your mom realizes this is important to me (stress that it’s “not the place for children” and you don’t want to be stressed about the knocking into you with a drink in your hand, spilling on your dress, etc) and that you’d really appreciate if they could find a sitter for those two nights you have wedding stuff.
Otherwise, moderndaisy’s right, she is probably playing chicken. If she leaves your wedding completely to go take care of them, she’s essentially “chosen” a child, right? Not cool, regardless. I think you’re just going to have trouble convincing your stepdad, too, especially if your mom’s not on board. I’d spin the “It’s too fancy” for kids angle over and over.