(Closed) Adult only wedding…

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

It’s going to be harder to tell her you can’t accomodate children since you’re having children in the wedding there.  You’re free to tell her she can’t bring her child, but I think you need to weigh whether you’d be more upset if she brought her kid versus upset that she’s not there at all.  It might be worth it to accommodate her if you really want her there, otherwise let her know that there are no exceptions.

Post # 4
2699 posts
Sugar bee

IMO if you want a no kids wedding, it isn’t really fair to have children in the wedding party. The only reason I say that is because the parents that had to make arrangements for their children will see the Flower Girl or RB and wonder why their child couldn’t come too. It seems bias to me. The only thing you can do is casually bring up if she has found a babysitter for the wedding because you can recommend an awesome one and then go from there.

Edit: my reasoning is that kids in the wedding party can make just as big of a scene/mess/noise as kids that aren’t in the wedding party.

Post # 5
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I actually disagree with the “No kids or all kids” rule. It’s reasonable to allow kids that are actually in the wedding to… well… be at the wedding.

I’d ask her if you can help her find a local sitter. Use your area connections to find someone nearby and maybe arrange a meetup (which could also be a good reason to shop/lunch/whatever with your friend) before the wedding. 

Post # 6
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Im with atalane, you can not invite kids to the wedding, but have them in your wedding party. Most people will understand that children in the wedding will of couse be at the reception. People will not, however, understand, why an exception was made for your friends child and not theirs.

If you want to have an adults only wedding you have to be prepared for people who chose not to come if they cant bring their children. I would tell her you heard she wanted to bring her child, but your wedding will be adults only. Then suggest she have someone stay in the hotel with her child, or suggest sitters for her. If this doesnt work for her let her know that you are sad she cant make it but you understand.

If you make an exception for her, it will not be fair not to do so for your other guests.

Post # 7
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

“FI and I thought maybe they could get a hotel room thats right next door and have her mom stay there with baby and she can go and check on him as often as she needs to.”  

That is crazy!  I think you need to decide whether you want your friend at the wedding or not.

Post # 8
9 posts

In my opinion, it is your wedding, if you do not want kids there it’s your decision.  You just have to decide if you care if your friend decides not to come.  You could always offer to help her find a sitter, but just know she may still decide not  to come. 

Post # 10
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am planning on having an adult only wedding/reception but I will have my 2yr old daughter as flower girl and 2yr old nephew as ring bearer.  That is totally my choice.  But I have been to weddings that stated ‘adult only’ and I saw little kids (not in the wedding party) there…at that time I did’nt have a child and I was still like ‘what the eff?’.  I can’t think of any great answer to your question except maybe your idea of her getting a hotel room close for her mom to watch the baby?? Good luck!

Post # 11
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If you want to make an excpetion for her, and if the reason you aren’t having children is because of the guest count, you could justify her child there as he is breast feeding, and is not sitting at a table or counting in the meal totals. (Assuming, or course, he is 12 months so that is true. Rather than 23 months where he is sitting on his own and eating table food.) 

Though you really don’t have to make an exception for her.

I am thinking there would be nothing enjoyable about being at a wedding with my 1 year old on my lap unless the aunts, uncles, and grandparents aren’t there, so I’m trying to figure out why she would come with a one year old.

Post # 13
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I disagree with the PP’s who used the “all or none” defense. Children in the Bridal Party are completely different than the children of guests. We are having an “adults only” wedding and my 3 cousins, 2 teenagers and one under 10, will certainly be in attendance since they are in our Bridal Party. A number of our guests have children, some even under a year old, and they’ve all made arrangements for their offspring with absolutely no negativity towards us or our “no kids” rule. If you ask me, it is amazingly rude to just assume that your kid is invited especially since you specifically notated “Adults Only”. 

My Future Brother-In-Law & Future Sister-In-Law just had a baby last week so our niece will be less than 2 months old at our wedding. As much as we love her, she isn’t invited. Neither of us feel that weddings are appropriate for babies so my FSIL’s parents will be coming out that weekend and staying with the baby in their hotel room. We’re getting married at a resort so Future Sister-In-Law will go back and forth to the hotel room to nurse. 

If you choose to make an exception for this friend and her child, be prepared to have some irritated wedding guests who were respectful enough to cut the cord for a night and find childcare for their kid. Things like this tend to get messy when you have disrespectful wedding guests. 

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