(Closed) Adult reception… except for..

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Your wedding is not a democracy, or a monument to justice and equality…if the cousins are going to take a stand over their kids not coming, so be it, the guest list stands with no explanation or apology necessary.

Post # 4
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with PP. Plus, it should be pretty easy to understand that there is a huge difference between 2 kids that are 10 and 12, and 10 kids under the age of 10, and that’s even before you take into consideration that you guys aren’t that close with them. I usually think it’s kind of in bad taste to only invite some children to the wedding and not others, but in this case I don’t know if I would consider a 10 and 12 year old “children” for the purposes of inviting them to your wedding, as compared to toddlers

Post # 5
46679 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Give your cousin’s children a job- guestbook attendant perhaps?

Post # 6
958 posts
Busy bee

Could you give your nieces special “duties.” So they’re part of the wedding… technically? Like they could be “helpers” before the ceremony. Give them a few duties, like ladies in waiting. Or after the ceremony could they pass out the bubbles/rice/bells whatever to people exiting? Then you’re FI’s aunt can’t say anything because these children are part of the wedding. 

Post # 7
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@AfL2B:  I am having a similar issue as we are only have two children at the wedding (DH’s cousins) and not inviting my counsin’s children, etc.  I personally feel that I don’t have to justify anything to anyone regarding which children we want at out wedding. I am closer to DH’s cousins but haven’t met most of my cousin’s children, so not inviting the two to our wedding would feel incomplete. I say invite the children that you want, don’t invite the children that you don’t want there, and let them see it on the day of the wedding – they wouldn’t dare say anything to you on your wedding day, and if they do, just politely disengage from the conversation. My aunt has already told me that my cousin will be unwilling to leave her children at home for our wedding, and I completely accept that and respect her wishes. My only request is that she respect mine!

Post # 9
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

you don’t have to give anyone a heads up or explanation about anything. Generally on here I see people say you have to decide all kids or no kids. I disagree.  YOu can invite whomever you want.  If you’re close to some kids and not others, invite the ones you are close with – as long as you aren’t breaking up an immediate family I don’t see the big deal.  it’s no one’s business and if people aren’t happy oh well – you’ll never make everyone happy at a wedding!

Post # 10
9548 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Paiger8:  +1

I totally agree that you should be able to request to have things the way you want. But I can also totally understand people being upset if you choose to invite some kids and not others. Really the easy-out is to make the kids part of the wedding in some way and then say they are part of the wedding party. Then you can say that no kids outside the wedding party are invited. I see no other way to do this without upsetting people. Rightly or not. Or just deal with people being pissed. It’s your day and you do indeed get to make the final call but you also have to deal with the fallout from that call, so just take that into consideration. Either way I’m sure the aunt will get over it. But I wouldn’t bring it up yourself. That way they have less time to be pissed if they don’t know about it before hand or know what exactly is going on.

Post # 11
3267 posts
Sugar bee

@AfL2B:  Do not justify or explain anything to these people.  It is perfectly polite to invite guests based on level of closeness, vs level of blood relation.

As a host you get to set the guest list.  It is very impolite for any guest to say anything about why XXXXXXX was invited and YYYYYYYY is not. 


Post # 13
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Why cant people respect our wishes, it is OUR selfish day and it should be. Right?

I’m sorry, no, I can’t endorse this, and I think it’s a really poisonous idea that many people have about weddings.

Yes, you should be able to have the celebration you want to, within reason. However, if you’re having a *wedding* (i.e. inviting guests to share in your celebration) you need to strike a balance between your own wishes and your guests’ comfort and happiness. Weddings are not a consequence-free, blank-check opportunity for self-indulgence. The reason for the all-or-nothing guideline on kids, as PPs have mentioned, is that it would be offensive to your guests with kids to realize that some children were invited but theirs weren’t. Your aunt might be the most vocal about it, but others will notice. The most gracious way out, as PPs have mentioned, is to make the two girls an obvious part of the wedding.

Anyhow, I just encourage you to step away from the idea of “our selfish day.” When you choose to invite guests to a wedding, that comes with the responsibility to be a good host/ess and see to their comfort and happiness. That means that you *can’t* be entirely selfish about it.

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