Post # 1
I could use some advice. FI’s family always has adults only weddings and we both love that. However, my family is the opposite and cannot imagine a wedding without kids. I have 6 nieces and nephews under 10 and those would be the only kids I’d even consider inviting. However, they’re not well behaved and the venue is acres upon acres of vineyard with bodies of water, and so a more adult venue with safety hazards if the kids run amok. We’ve considered just having them there for the ceremony but Fiance prefers not to have them at all since logistics are an issue and there’s no guarantee that they would be able to keep it together for the ceremony. I’d honestly prefer a fully adults only event but I worry about resentment from my family and worry that I’ll regret not having them there as they get older. I’ve tried to talk to my family but they’re just not happy it’s even a topic of discussion.
Post # 2
I think you decided against having kids there when you chose that location. If having your nieces and nephews there was important, you wouldn’t have picked that venue. It sounds beautiful! Hopefully your family will be understanding.
Post # 3
Again, it is perfectly OK to have nieces and nephews, but no other children. That’s not an adult only wedding, it’s a wedding with cut offs. If you decide to invite them, it is the parent’s responsiblity to watch their children or bring them outside if they fuss. A compromise solution could be a separate room in the venue with supervision and kids’ activities. That way, everyone can have a break if it’s needed.
Post # 4
I don’t think you need to worry you’ll regret not inviting them as they get older, they probably won’t even remember going versus not. I went to a wedding when I was 8 or 9 and I remember maybe five minutes of it.
Lots of people have adults only weddings and I think that is perfectly fine to request, though I may be biased by the fact that I am not inviting children to mine. Don’t invite people just out of obligation. Most of the parents I’ve talked to except one are more excited to have a night away than anything else.
Post # 5
I think it’s okay to have nieces and nephews but no other children. You may be able to hire a babysitter or two to help keep an eye out for children as well, if you want to have them there but are worried for saftety, etc. Also, a separate room with a movie and adult supervision and/or activities might work too.
Having kids for the ceremony but not the reception seems a little odd to me since logistically it’s challenging and kids make the most noise at the ceremony vs. at the reception when it’s loud you can’t hear the kids making as much noise.
Post # 6
doggeebee : That is tough. My solution to it was that I have my 2 older nieces and 1 nephew as flower girls and ring bearer. We’re also going to arrange for a babysitter for the later part of the night and then that portion is going to be adults only. But these kids are well behaved, and I’m last to get married so 2 of them will have already done those jobs before.
Maybe you could have the kids for the ceremony and dinner. but then get a babysitter and set up a fun “wedding slumber party for them” Justm ake sure to get two babysitters. I did that once as a teenager. No way would I have survived if my friend wasn’t that! We had an issue where the disney movies they ha all ended after the parents died. Traumatized the kids and the definitely needed extra care that night.
Post # 7
It’s your wedding and you can invite who you want! We’re doing an adult only reception with nieces and nephews, because one niece and nephew are the ring bearer and flower girl and that only leaves two other nephews. You could always invite the nieces and nephews but explain to your family your concerns about the reception location and then let them decide what they want to do with their kids.
Post # 8
>>However, they’re not well behaved and the venue is acres upon acres of vineyard with bodies of water<<
I think you have answered your own question. if you think your family would be upset if the kids aren’t invited, just think how they would feel if someone drowned.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone. The venue doesn’t really have a separate space to put the kids, it’s all one area except for the kitchen, bathrooms, and bridal suite (which I don’t really want them in, especially as it has a balcony). So that’s not a great option. I’m also concerned because my family has a tendency to not really watch them in social situations… usually one adult (not always a parent) tends to get stuck playing with all 6 kids while the others hang out. I’d like them to be able to enjoy a few drinks especially since we plan to offer a shuttle. And my nephew did try to put his fist through my sister’s wedding cake, so…
I guess I would tend towards no kids at all, and so do Fiance and Mother-In-Law, but my family has already been talking about how they can’t believe I wouldn’t let them be there, kids are the best part, they’re family and it would be sad if they weren’t in the photos, how confused and upset they’d be, etc