Post # 1
So, one of my guests emailed me to ask if it was ok to come with their kids to the ceremony only because my reception is “Adults Only” and they would still like to attend with their kids (even though the children’s names were not on the invitation.) The truth is, the whole reason we added the “Adult Reception to Follow” to the invitation was because of this particular family. They said they would have loved to come to the reception but they can’t because their older daughter has food allergies, and although she is almost 8 years old they cannot leave her with any babysitter.Their youngest is a three year old who still breastfeeds, and although I am totally comfortable with women breast feeding in public my parents and many guests attending are not.
Question is, do I say yes please come to the ceremony but still say kids are not allowed at the reception? I feel so bad but know there will be drama if they come. Please help me figure out what to say, need to respond asap.
Post # 3
theres going to be drama because of breast feeding and allergies?? If thats your only reason for wanting no kids then I’d definitely let them bring the kids to the ceremony.
Post # 4
I completely understand your concerns with that family in question. It’s already been made clear that children arent invited to the reception and I think you made this perfectly clear. That being said, it’s really unlikely that she’ll breast feed during the ceremony and the other little one won’t be eating anything so I don’t see anything wrong with it. How much drama could there be when it’s just for the ceremony? I say let them. It’s your day and you shouldn’t listen to short term drama anyway.
Post # 5
If it’s just the ceremony, then I’d say it’s fine, as long as she doesn’t breastfeed. That would be distracting!
Post # 6
@ValleyGirl1979: I don’t mean to sound snarky in the least, but why are you inviting them? Are they relatives?
Post # 7
Etiquette Snob here… lol
“Technically” if you are getting married in a Church (or other religious building) there is nothing you can do to stop them from attending, as it is a public space and by its very nature OPEN TO ALL
As for the rest of it…
I remember your previous post. You at the time was concerned about this family for a variety of reasons… one of which was they had a way of making others feel uncomfortable.
And this post… is precisely that.
In their own way they have found a way to make you uncomfortable by challenging your decision to have an Adults Only Reception
By doing so they are essentially PUSHING their Agenda… in hopes that you’ll cave, or that they can indeed no doubt show up at the Reception kids in tow (wouldn’t put it past them)
It is a tough call
Cause with reasonable people you could say “Sure the kids can come to the Ceremony”
But you have to wonder how REASONABLE this family will be
So, I’d personally get back to them back and just say NOTHING HAS CHANGED
As per the Invitation you are inviting the Adults Only.
You hope that they’ll still be able to come, but if not, you understand.
Hope this helps,
PS… Hang tough. Cause I know chances are high they’ll push you again on this issue. (( HUGS ))
Post # 8
It’s up to you whether or not you are OK with the kids being at the ceremony only. If not I’d say “I’m sorry, we aren’t inviting children to the wedding. If we made an exception for you, it wouldn’t be fair to other people.” As This Time Around states, that does assume the ceremony is private and not open to a congregation.
If it’s very important to you to have the parents at the reception, you could consider hiring or finding a sitter for them.
Post # 9
Thanks for all the responses! I invited them because they have been friends over the years. Funny thing is I met them through my mom and they are closer friends to them than I am. But this allergy and breastfeeding thing has been bothering my dad for awhile now.
I let the wife know it was okay for them all to attend the ceremony and that the only children attending the wedding and reception were those in the wedding, but even they will be surpervised at the reception. She said they will be happy to just attend the ceremony and that receptions are still very far from their life. This couple has not been on a date since their daughter was born 8 years ago! It’s crazy. I’m sorry but if their house is free from the foods that their daughter is allergic to, why can’t someone come stay there with them for a few hours? I guess I will understand one day.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@ValleyGirl1979: You are quite diplomatic. The family, to me, sounds very strange. I don’t think that babysitters usually bring their own food and they could have something prepped for the daughter with allergies. Also, a three year old still breast feeding? Is he on solids? To each their own, I guess. At least they are not pushing you to invite the kids to the reception. I am sure that, ultimately, it will be okay. If they do anything you won’t notice, I hope, because you will be so into just what is going on with you and your FI during the ceremony.
Post # 11
@ValleyGirl1979: I just want to point out that breastfeeding is a normal method of feeding a kid and it’s not something that needs to be done in private. I would be super offended if someone didn’t invite me to a reception because I breastfed and their parents thought it wasn’t ok.
Post # 12
Breastfeeding IS a normal method of feeding. I breastfed 4 children indoors, outdoors, on a bus, train, plane, in the park and any place else I needed to feed them. To this day, I doubt ANYONE can tell you I ever did it! There are ways to breastfeed that are quite private and dignified. I would no more pop a boob out and have at it than dance naked in the streets. I wonder about people who insist on doing this. Nobody wants to see all that.
Post # 13
So they’re not disruptive or badly-behaved or anything? One just has allergies and one is breastfeeding?
Post # 14
@1inthechamber: totally agree, breasteeding is normal and I understand. I’m not judgmental on where people breastfeed at all, but this woman refuses to cover up no matter where she is. And if her three year old sons asks for milk, wherever she is she gives it to him. My dad is afraid she will whip it out in front of everyone at the ceremony. (sorry it’s kind of funny now that I am getting into all this detail)!
Anyway, problem solved. Parents called and told her the reason we aren’t inviting children to the ceremony is because we don’t want any disruptions and sometimes you can’t control children. The mom is just coming on her own and husband is staying at home with the kids. So sad they can’t just have a date night!
Thanks for the comments.
Post # 15
@ValleyGirl1979: I totally agree that breastfeeding is normal and natural and not something to be ashamed of….but at the same time I would not want someone just baring it all at my ceremony.
Also, I think it comes down to your dad being concerned about it. If anybody on my guest list made my dad uncomftorable they would not be invited. I mean it’s HIS DAUGHTERS wedding. He deserves to be happy and comftorable, not worried about seeing something he would rather not. There are priorities and my dad’s feelings come before almost anyone elses. I think you have a similar feeling!
Also, I think since this has been an ongoing problem with these people thinking they should be the exception to the no kids rule I think asking to come to the ceremony was a way to get their kids in.
I think you made a good call 🙂
Post # 16
You could say to them that there is limited space and you feel it would be unfair to other families with children if you were to make allowances for this particular family, but not for anyone else. I have two kids, and my cousin had an adults-only wedding, except her sister’s children, and when I got the invite I was not one little bit insulted, and neither did I even consider asking if I could just bring my kids anyway, as I felt she should be able to have what she wanted on her day. Plus I know a lot of brides don’t want crying infants to disrupt the vows. I say stick to your guns. There are many polite but firm ways to say “sorry, but no” (also if you said yes to the ceremony, I would be willing to bet they’d bring the kids along to the reception as well regardless of your wishes).