(Closed) Adults only reception… with the exception of children in the ceremony?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I do now?
    Stop worrying and move on : (20 votes)
    80 %
    Re-contact people who asked to bring their children : (5 votes)
    20 %
    Other (explain please!) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3258 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    No they are members of the wedding party. It’s definitely ok to make that exception.

    Post # 4
    Member
    360 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    God I cannot STAND people who assume their children are invited somewhere, especially to a wedding that has a pretty specific set of etiquette guidelines. You can have whatever kids you want, 1, 4, 25…and not others. It’s YOUR choice so don’t worry that you’ve made a bad decision. 

    They are the ones making a bad and tacky decision. Unfortunately you, fiance, or parents will have to call up and explain. “Sorry for the confusion, but I just wanted to clarify that we are only able to extend an invitation to….. ”  If they ask why, all you need to say is that’s the decision we’ve made because our venue and plans aren’t kid friendly, again we’re really sorry for the confusion, and we really hope you’ll still be able to make it. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    547 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @Duncan:  +1

    FWIW, that’s what I’m doing. No kids except for my flower girls.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1189 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @missmedicine:  I don’t think you did anything wrong.  I would fully expect to see the children in the bridal party at least at dinner of an adults-only reception.  I wouldn’t think anything of it.

    I think it only gets messy when you don’t have a clear cut off, but you do.  Now, if you said you were inviting 20 kids, but not everyone’s, then I think people would take issue.  

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    352 posts
    Helper bee

    @missmedicine:  if ANYONE has a problem with YOUR DAUGHTER being invited but not THEIR CHILDREN then they are crazy!

    I think what you’re doing is very normal.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7759 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    What’s the point of preschoolers at the reception anyway? They have no part to play there.

    My daughter was once in a wedding like yours. (She was Flower Girl, bride’s son was ring bearer, both were 3). They were both taken to be babysat after the ceremony and photos, though I’ve no idea who took the bride’s son and I’m sure it would’ve been ok to make an exception for him.

    I never like making exceptions for kids because they in the bridal party, because wearing a special dress/suit makes a kid no better behaved. I do think it’s ok to make exceptions for kids based on closeness to the bride and groom though. In other words, it’s fine to make an exception for your own daughter. It’s also ok to make an exception for all nieces and nephews. I’d be uncomfortable though if there were other nieces/nephews not in the bridal party, and you only invited the one in the bridal party.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1701 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I did the same thing, although I had 8 kids in the bridal party and they stayed all night. I also had one very newborn, whose parents and grandparents had to travel to be there. A couple were pissed, but they are always special needs no matter the situation.

    As others noted, those guests are tacky, not you. You have the right to invite or not, whomever you want.  They can’t just show up with other people. It’s a wedding, not a Tupperware party.

    Besides, how many of them had children at their weddings?

    Post # 11
    Member
    302 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think it’s perfectly fine to make that exception.  We are only including children of relatives which makes a difference of 8 kids vs. 40+ kids.  As long as you stick to your rule, I think people will understand.

    Post # 12
    Member
    360 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @missmedecine:  you did the right thing. It’s really not right to write “adults only” or “no children”  The envelope has the names of the people you intended to include! 

    Don’t stress, you did the right thing!!!

    Post # 13
    Member
    823 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @missmedicine:  they are in the wedding party and that’s a perfectly okay exception to make; if people are offended, tough cookies. I will also only be having one child at our reception: the ring bearer (and incidentally, one of the cutest kids walking this planet!)

    Post # 14
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    We are having my brothers and sisters (I’m the eldest of 7 so there will be kids as young as 7mths) and my FIs son.. They will attend the ceremony and reception but no other kids are welcome.

    I think its pretty normal to have the bridal party and your own child at the reception..

    Post # 15
    Member
    1299 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I was worried about this too… then I remembered it was my wedding and poo on anyone who didn’t see that I couldn’t kick the kids in the wedding party to the curb!  I asked around though (im paranoid) and everyone said it was perfectly acceptable to do that.  (Have them there, not kick them to thr curb or leave them at the church.. ya know)  I ended up having one child there on the day of (my jr groomsman) and no one said a word to me or my hubby.  Also, I explained to my Mother-In-Law that the venue was not for small children, (lofts, open bar, evening reception, lots of young adults) and although she was all for everyone bringing their kids, after I explained it she even said that people who bring their children to a reception rarely watch them and she wanted to enjoy the evening and wouldn’t if she was worried about watching kids.  So After I had her on my side… it was easy.  If you are having problems, you can always suggest a reputable local sitter for those guests that may need some recommendations, but be sure you know they are good ones!    

    Post # 16
    Hostess
    8579 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I think I would contact the members of your family who are inquiring about their children, just to let them know [again] that it’s adult only.

    We’re having an adult only reception with 2 exceptions, my flower girl & my little cousin [which I’ll probably make him an usher, he’ll be like 14 at the time].

    The topic ‘Adults only reception… with the exception of children in the ceremony?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors