Post # 1
My Fiance and I decided that we were going to have an adults only reception. We’ve attended several weddings where children were running around during toasts, the first dance, etc. and decided that that’s not what we want for our evening. We both have several cousins with children ranging in age from college to newborn. To further spare feelings we made a decision to not invite any cousin’s children, regardless of age. We’re not close with any of them, and I didn’t know how I could tell one cousin that his daughter couldn’t attend, but another cousin that his kids could, solely based on age.
Last night my mom told me that my cousin who has one daughter, aged 12, assumed that children were invited, and had already bought a dress for their daughter. While they understand that children are not invited, they’ve decided that they are not going to be attending.
I know that that’s their perogative and both my parents and Fiance have told me that I don’t need to be upset about it, but I am SO upset. They are the only family that we have within driving distance. 🙁
Post # 3
Kind of harsh of them to just not attend. I don’t see many weddings as kid friendly, and most parents look forward to a night out. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this 🙁 I hope a compromise or something can be worked out so you can have your family there. Try not to worry yourself too much *hugs*
Post # 4
I can understand you being upset. We’ve decided on an adult only reception too however we’ve decided to deal with each family on a per case basis. If someone expresses that they absolutely can’t come without their child we are willing to evaluate the situation. I know this is not the popular way of thinking and could cause some greif but so be it, everyone will find SOMETHING to complain about.
Maybe consider letting them bring their child? 12 years old really isn’t that young and it’s your day, you really shouldn’t have to answer to anyone.
Post # 5
Most weddings I’ve attended that are not “kid friendly” allow kids 12+….maybe they are offended that their borderline adult child is not considered old enough to attend? Or maybe they have another reason altogether for not attending?
Post # 6
We have decided on “No children under 16 after 8pm” (my 10 year old daughter may be the sole exception, but if we can make other plans for her I will jump on it).
Post # 7
Thanks for your support, everyone. For a brief moment this morning I considered making an exception, but after talking to my mom again she reassured me that we made the right choice. I think I’m worried that as other family members receive their invites that they’re going to be just as upset that their children aren’t invited. I just need to keep reminding myself that our wedding is about my marriage to my Fiance and not everyone else’s drama and opinions.
Post # 8
@les105: Since when is a 12 year old a borderline adult?
Post # 9
@star_dust: Like I said, other adult only affairs I’ve been to have allowed 12 year olds. Obviously, it depends on the party, but maybe this parent views their 12 year old as mature enough to attend a wedding. I guess I should’ve phrased it better, as a 12 year old is not really an adult, although “adult only” weddings usually require a subjective call as far as who qualifies to attend.
ETA: I still think that’s a crappy reason not to attend. Most 12 year olds are old enough to be left home alone for a few hours.
Post # 10
That does suck, but you were right to stick to your guns. I’m having a no children under 10 wedding and have already have 1 person not understand and tell me they’re bringing their baby. I put Fiance in charge of that.
Post # 11
that’s pretty harsh of them not to come just from that. surely any normal person could understand your predicament. i feel bad for you but honestly, don’t worry, or try not to. you are doing the best you can. xo.
Post # 12
Think of it this way….I’ve told a number of people the only children invited to our reception will be Fi’s neices/nephews (who will have sitters on stand by) and my 5 first cousins (one of whom is a godson) under 10. I’ve received MULTIPLE times, “thank goodness, the kids always just take over receptions and adults don’t want to dance.” So in other words….your one or two family members may be a little upset, but if your guests are anything like mine, a number of them will be excited and relieved. 🙂 You just can’t please everyone unfortunately.
Post # 13
@les105: I understand. We did have 12 year olds at my wedding.
If you have your family’s support on this one OP then I would stand your ground UNLESS their not attending is really hurting you to the point that you’d like to reconsider.
I think it’s a little…what is it? manipulative? passive aggressive?…of them to do this. I think a 12 year old is way old enough to occupy themselves for one night (even with a babysitter) while mom and dad go out to a wedding. Do they take her with them on date nights too?
Post # 14
I don’t really see what the big deal is. When you choose to have a child free wedding, you go into it knowint you’ll likely ruffle some feathers. Hang around The Bee long enough and you’ll see how many bees with child free weddings have this problem. I would think that this is something that you would have expected. Its just the nature of the beast I suppose. . .
As far as people not attending because their kids aren’t welcome, well I don’t really get that either, but then again I’m not a parent.
Post # 15
You are definitely not in the wrong here, driving distance? Really? They can’t just return the dress and send her to a friends house to play for the evening?
Post # 16
If you want a kid-free wedding, then that’s your call.
My cousin had a kid-free wedding, and said she was having it 18+, no exceptions. The only person excluded by that was my then 17 year old brother. My parnts said they would not attend, mostly because of 30 cousins, he was the only one not invited. In that case, I think the rule was ridiculous. In your case, it’s totally fair.
It’s unfortunate your family members can’t recognize it’s your day and they want to act like this. I’m sure other people will understand and this will be the only issue.