(Closed) Adults Only Wedding… and now I'm upset

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
7570 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Scc6a:  No one said the OP was obligated to invite kids and neither did the parents of the child! In fact they said they understood and respectfully said they wouldn’t come to the wedding. They never demanded that their child be added! I think it is a little harsh to call the parents childish when they have made a decision on the welfare of their child (not your child not your decision!).

Post # 33
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My sister decided that she and her fiance weren’t coming to my wedding when I told her that we were having an adult only wedding and she realized that would include her daughter that would only be 16 months old by the time of the wedding. Mind you I’ve never met my niece and my sister and I haven’t been close at all for a few years.

I was less upset about her decision and more upset about the way she handled the whole thing. If she had reacted differently and not been acted like a spoiled brat about it we may have made an exception.

We knew that we were not making a popular decision but it was one that was important to us. If it’s not important for her to be there for my wedding it’s not important to me to have her there.

Post # 34
Member
7570 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@REP92110:  But the same thing could also be said of you and your decision. You sister could be thinking if it is not important enough for REP92110 to have her niece there then it is not important enough to us to come! These things go both ways and I think people should be more respectful to people on both sides of the arguement.

Post # 35
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@j_jaye: I understand your thinking and if I didn’t know my situation I would feel the same way. I’ve never met my niece, my sister has made no effort to see me or anyone else in our family for years and hasn’t spoken to me since we discussed kids at the wedding months ago.

A few years ago when she was planning her wedding (that hasn’t happened) I would spend hours on the phone with her and our younger sister planning and talking about ideas. When she decided that she and her fiance would just do something the two of them without any family around I was very hurt. What I didn’t do was insult her and call her names like she did when she didn’t agree with my decision.

Post # 36
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

It’s funny that the wedding is child-free and they’re responding in a childish way.  How difficult is it to get a babysitter or let her be on her own?  She is 12.  I was babysitting at age 12!

I wonder if they don’t like weddings and were just looking for an out.

Post # 37
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

I don’t think the parents are being childish at all. Like other pp have said if the parents decline because of the no child rule then that is their choice. (personally I would have double checked the situation before buying an outfit for the child!) I realise that any invite decline – especially from family – is going to sting a little and in this situation it is tempting to go back on the rules and make an exception for them. As a parent I would advise OP not to be upset with them. Disapointed maybe…for a little while and then move on.

   We have been invited to a wedding later this year and children are not invited. We won’t be able to go unless we can find a babysitter and tbh we are very reluctant to leave our children with anyone other than very close family friends. Our choice! The bride and groom and family totally understand that if we can’t find a babysitter then we won’t be there. (our usual babysitters are all busy that day!) It isn’t us reacting in a childish way – it is our responsibility as parents to ensure that our children are always left with someone who we totally trust. To be handed a list of babysitter numbers we can call would just fill me with horror!!! Parents are all different

Post # 38
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee

It’s just one of those things we should accept if we choose to have a child free wedding. As another Bee says – a wedding is an invite, not a summons. If those parents don’t want to attend unless they can attend as a family unit than so be it.

Post # 39
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

View original reply
laurn88 :  A lot of people use that “most parents look forward to a night out” excuse to justify their decision to exclude children, but I don’t think it is a valid or fair argument. Some people don’t want to be without their children or can’t arrange for them to be elsewhere. People look forward to family members who haven’t seen the child in a long time getting to say hello. It should be the guest’s choice whether or not they want a night out alone. 

Post # 40
Member
371 posts
Helper bee

It’s your right to have a child free wedding, but it’s their right to pass on it. I took a pass on my cousin’s wedding because it was child free and I had a small child at the time. I didn’t and don’t leave my kid with babysitters. Pretty much the only people who I would have felt comfortable leaving my kid with were attending the wedding. So it was a no for us. No hard feelings on either side. 

Side note – to all the people saying it’s ridiculous because they could leave their twelve year old alone for a few hours. Maybe you’re comfortable with that, but not everyone is. I never left my child alone when he was twelve, other than to quickly run to the corner store or something. A twelve year old isn’t really equipped to handle an emergency should one arise. 

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