Post # 1
So we’ve decided to have an adults only affair, and I know etiquette states that it’s tacky to write “No Kids” or any variation on invites, Save-The-Date Cards, etc. and that it’s appropriate to spread the word verbally and on a wedding website. I’m good with whatever, as long as it’s clear to people.
I was talking about this to a good friend who is invited and she mentioned that if she got an invite that was worded for specifically her and her husband and not “The Smith Family”, she wouldn’t consider that it meant that her kids weren’t invited. I thought this might be an insolated situation, despite being in a rural town not current (or caring) regarding etiquette so I asked a couple more people. All said that despite receiving letters addressed that don’t include childrens’ names, and having it on the wedding website, they still wouldn’t realize kids weren’t invited. They listed reasons like, “not many people I know go on the wedding websites” or “I probably wouldn’t hear through word of mouth because I don’t know your family or bridesmaids very well”, etc.
So at this point, do I put an insert with the STD or invites saying we request the wedding be an adult affair, or just go with what etiquette states? Or are there other alternatives?
This topic was modified 3 years, 12 months ago by chevaldame.
Post # 2
For our wedding, we put that the ceremony and reception were for guests 21 or older. We also put only the invited guests names on the invitation. We also personally called everyone that was invited that we knew had kids and let them know it was an adults only wedding. This way we knew everyone would know, and it came straight from us.
Post # 3
Add a line in the reply card that says “We have reserved ___ seats in your honor” and fill in the number.
Post # 4
Rather than Reception to follow I put Formal Adult Reception to follow on the invite – had to indicate to my small town fam that jeans and tshirt would be a little too casual and also indicate that children weren’t welcome.
Post # 5
That’s a great way to do it.
In this situation, I think you can skip the “rules” and just write something like “Adult reception to follow” on the invitation, because doing so would be more helpful to your guests than not. You’ve already cleared it with most of them, so it doesn’t sound like anyone would be upset.
Post # 6
Please just be clear about it. I don’t know why some people try to be so coy and mysterious about it and then get pissy that people didn’t understand their wedding code. As a parent, if it’s not clear that the invite doesn’t include my kid, then I have to contact the couple and ask. It doesn’t mean that I’m going to be mad if my kid’s not invited, I just honestly need to know.
Post # 7
I undersand this problem. We can all talk about etiquette on this site until we are blue in the fingers but the reality is that if our guests aren’t versed on all the ins and outs of wedding ettiquete it doesn’t really do us any good.
Save the Dates is not really the appropriate time to hit them over the head with the Adults only aspect fo the wedding. Save the Dates are really just about the date and place (city only is mentioned sometimes, not always is venue even listed on STDs)
It’s when they get the invites that you want to make sure they “get it”. What Sauve said– when they actually get their invite the RSVP card, if you’re going to have those, can say ___ seats reserved in your honor. If you want you can have some info on the website about it (I had a line about it being an adult affair that went til midnight and I could anyone traveling arrange child care if needed in the event information section of the website) BUT a lot of people don’t go to the website or read every word of it.
If you’re doing an online RSVP service, you can add each invited person so that in oder to RSVP they are on the list. That should tip them off, if they can’t add their kids in. The #s on the reply card is the biggest/most obvious tip
Post # 8
You don’t know when the envelope is addressed just to you and your husband?
Post # 9
I know it’s not etiquette, but for this situation, where we had cousins who had really young kids and kids who were above our age cutoff, I still put “The Smith Family” and then I had these little inserts printed that said “due to venue size we cannot accommodate children under age 10. We will be providing child care for all guests who would like to take advantage of this.”
I know it’s a cowards way out, but I was honestly so anxiety ridden about so many things and anything could set off a panic attack with me, so I did it this way. No one had a problem.
Post # 10
And then, I DID send out invitations to “Mr and Mrs. Jones” and got back RSVPs for Mr. and Mrs. Jones plus their two teenagers. Darling Husband failed to mention that a) the Joneses had kids and b) failed to tell the Joneses their kids couldn’t come. SO…. I made room and gave up inviting some of my own friends to make room for these teenagers, who didn’t come in the first place. SO RUDE.
Post # 11
Most people are not this dense. A few ignorant guests could not convince me to make negative assumptions about the majority.
When people send back the RSVPs with the kids’ names or no names at all, that’s your cue to correct and clarify if necessary.You can also call people with kids to ask if they need recommendations for sitters. You could also say you are considering hiring a babysitter on or near the premises if there is enough interest.
Post # 12
I know people way it’s inappropriate to put that on Save-The-Date Cards, BUT because we’re having a semi destination wedding (w-3 hours for most people) so we want to make sure they have enough time to plan and get a good babysitter and things like that. So we wrote “adult affair” on the Save-The-Date Cards. And we would tell them ourselves too or word of mouth That we’re not allowing kids because it is open bar all night so we want them to enjoy themselves without having to worry about their kids running around. And we know my FI’s family don’t know how to check a wedding website, they probably don’t even know what a wedding website is so we felt we needed to put it on there.
Post # 13
That’s a really good idea. Did you provide childcare at the venue or hotels? How did that work?
Post # 14
I put, “we have reserved __ seats in your honor.” I’ve gotten 22 RSVPs back ( several from families) and no issues yet.
There were issues with write ins with both FBILs and FSILs weddings. In our case, we wanted to be as clear as possible to address the issue. We are also not having a “child free” wedding. As we are allowing newvorns, and have kids in the bridal party (inc our own).
Post # 15
we addressed the invites only to those invited, put “__seats have been reserved in your honor” on the rsvp cards and “adult reception” on the reception card, AND mentioned on our website that it was not exactly a kid-friendly occasion.
we still had people try to bring their kids.
some people will never get it.