Post # 1
We’re planning an adults-only wedding. So far, all of the people with children have been supportive and understanding and have figured out alternative plans for their children. However, now that it’s crunch time, we’ve been taking the heat from a few guests who will respect our wishes to not have children, but out of principle, will not expend any energy into finding a sitter and will not attend unless we change our policy.
We’re not changing our minds either way, but would love some pick-me-ups from my fellow adults-only reception bees!
Post # 3
I don’t know about your wedding, but mine will definately be adult-themed: open bar, late house, breakable objects, open fire. It would be dangerous for a child to attend.
I feel no guilt about this. I don’t want to censor myself or have my guests censor themselves because kids are there. Be proud of your event and don’t let anybody talk you out of it!
Post # 4
We are doing adults only too! I am expecting some heat…. remember why you made the decision in the first place! For us, it was that we are having an adult wedding (open bar)…. and that adding kids meant adding THIRTY of them!!
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
I am not having an adults-only wedding, but it’s PURELY because having the children there are what makes the day fun for ME.
I cannot imagine someone asking you to change your plans just to accomodate them! If they can’t find a sitter and thus opt-out, that’s one thing; but to not even look is just rude. I am definitely on your side on this one– don’t change your policy just to make them happy, it’s better to have the wedding YOU want!
Post # 6
@Almost Mrs.P: same. If we invited one kid, we’d have to invite all 30, and we have over-invited as it is. I love kids, but I would rather have an adult only wedding. I want the guests who are also parents to be up, dancing, having a few drinks, and not worrying about supervising their kids the whole time.
Not to mention–the last wedding I attended, little (and not so little) kids were sticking their fingers in the wedding cake before it was cut. And their parents were taking pictures of it because they thought it was so adorable. Um, no thanks.
Post # 7
Most of my friends had no interest in bringing their children. I got flack from one cousin and one bridesmaid because we were having children from the bridal party. My cousin’s kid would have probably behaved but the BM’s kids would have been nightmares. Stand your ground.It’s not worth have YOUR ceremony ruined. Also, did these people invite children to THEIR wedding. Doubt it!
Post # 8
Same here. No kids!! We are having two flower girls (family), but they will be leaving right after the ceremony. We want all of our guests to have a good time and enjoy themselves… that means lots of drinking, dancing, and probably a lot of obnoxious behavior. We definitely do not want to be worried about who said/did what in front of kids.
Most of our friends get it and have made plans for their kids – they are actually looking forward to a night out, kid-free as well. The ones that have no desire to attend our wedding to see us kick off our lives together (kid free), will be missed (for about 5 seconds)… until I start dancing.
Post # 9
I did not have an adults only wedding and am I mom. If that is what you decide to do with your wedding then go for it. We need nights out too! The mantra- “I am so sorry you couldn’t find a sitter, we will miss seeing you at the wedding. Maybe we can catch up a nother time” sounds like it might need to be repeated every once and a while:)
Post # 10
@lilbluebird: I agree with the ladies. We had an adult only wedding as well and I was lucky not to have any people really complain. I am sorry that some wont budge but it is your day. They should not be giving you any hard time about this.
Post # 11
I would have been very upset if I had to have children at my wedding (as it is, most people I know don’t have any). I feel like at an open bar reception, I want people to have a good time. A good time to me is that ability to say “F*ck.” When children are around, I lose the ability to say “F*ck.” And when I cannot freely say “F*ck,” a good time is not had.
Post # 12
Thanks Bees for making me feel better!
In general, I had been feeling okay about it because again, many of the parents early on reassured me it was fine and they were totally okay with looking for sitters or leaving a spouse at home.
However, today, I received word through the grapevine that one of the couples that initially RSVPed YES (and include their child, despite what their outer envelope said) now RSVPed NO (after I clarified our policy – despite this being present on the website) and was saying things to the effect that Fiance and I need to be more exposed to formal events with children and that their child is mature enough for this event (and while that may be true, the other children that would be present are not). Said couple also said initially, when confronted about the adults only policy, “Well, we can’t come then if she can’t come. There’s no one to watch her.”
We do have open flame (both as a ground level, unmonitored fire pit and candles on the tables) so that is definitely a legitimte concern. In addition, we do have an open bar and we would also rather not have to worry about our DJ’s music and make sure it’s traditional music to avoid inappropriate language and word choices. Our venue is a conservancy, so actually the coordinator there specifically asked if children are attending our wedding and was adamant that they preferred events that didn’t have children present. As is, we only have two FGs that are FI’s nieces.
In some ways, I almost feel like I need a post on my website that lists all these reasons, but I guess parents that refuse to attend weddings with no children probably wouldn’t understand.
Post # 13
Some people do not like leaving their kids with a sitter. Its just personal preference. If they choose to limit their attendance at various events because of this, so be it. Most likely those kids wouldn’t really enjoy an adults only reception anyway so they may be better off at home.
Post # 14
Their loss. They can enjoy their night at home, elbow deep in shitty diapers while their family and friends are partying at your wedding. It’s one thing if they can’t find a sitter and have to decline due to that but to not even bother looking for one out of principle means that they obviously don’t care very much about you. Do yourself a favor and don’t even dwell on it. Use the money that you would have spent to feed those selfish assholes and upgrade your Honeymoon.
Post # 15
I don’t understand why people have to tell brides and grooms what they disagree with about the wedding when they decline an invitation. I feel for you, OP. You should get to choose the wedding you want, and the people who can’t make it should just politely decline without making a fuss.
Post # 16
@UpstateCait: This, and…
Have the wedding you want to have. If people stay at home because they do not choose to enjoy the party you are throwing for them, then let them miss out. Trust me, the people who are there will have so much fun, and you’ll enjoy their company so much, that you will not notice who skipped.