(Closed) Adults Only wedding, preferred? Kids v no kids at weddings

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you need to talk to each family separately and not spring that upon them when they get the invite.  Also be prepared that some may not come if they feel strongly about kids being a part of it.

We had a few children at our wedding and it was no issue at all.  When it got later, they just had their spouse take the kids home and/or someone picked the kids up and got them.   They figured out childcare and it wasn’t even something on my radar that day.

Can you compromise and invite them for the dinner but have them leave at 7pm or something?

Post # 4
1330 posts
Bumble bee

I agree that speaking with them personally first is the best way to deliver your message. Me and my Fiance did that as there were only a small bunch and I didn’t have room on my inite for no kids. I have kids and they will be attending, but other than a few ten year olds, there are no kids…we have 6 couple friends who all have had babies this year and I had this horrific image of babies all wailing during my vows.

Good luck, and people can find sitters…don;t worry 🙂

Post # 5
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We are having an adult only reception. Children can come to the ceremony but thats it. We are having a party at our reception (music, drinks etc) so we just told our family and friends adult only reception. We had a little back lash from a few but in the end, most understood. We was not paying $45 a plate for kids to eat french fries and chicken fingers. Funny thing is everyone who had a problem with it didn’t offer any advise, offer to pay for their child or anything. Its your day so do what you like. 

Post # 6
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I’ve used a hotel sitter before and it’s been fine. I think the key is to get someone who is licensed and trained. Don’t just hire some neighbor’s kid. There are professionals out there.

I would talk to all the people you are inviting who have kids as soon as possible and talk to them in person. For anyone not from out of town, there is absolutely no reason they cannot find a sitter. Really. They have nine months to find someone. For those from out of town, just let them know that you’d appreciate if they could make arrangements for their child, ask if they’d like help finding a sitter, and tell them that if nothing can be done by (insert date that is immediately before your caterer needs final numbers), then you’d rather they bring the kids than that they don’t come.

We had a number of guests with infants and toddlers, one mother was involved in our ceremony, and not a single one of them even asked to bring their kids. In fact, the mom involved in our wedding was glad for a night away from her 1 year old. She came from Out of Town and found someone to leave her child with.

Post # 9
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We were going to do the whole adults only thing in the beginning. And then I changed my mind because to me, it was more important to make sure that the people I loved showed up. And the kids in my family are a huge part of my life.  And I also realized it would be a little rude and hard to explain why the flower girl, ring bearer, and guest book attendant were allowed to come. Honestly, we didn’t have that many come. We had 3 babies, 5 under the age of 6, and then 4 that were over the age of 10. All fairly well behaved. 

I’m not sure if you’re having a church wedding or what, but many churches already have a nursery. You could hire someone to stay in the nursery – you can also have it listed in the program that a staffed nursery is available. And if you’re getting married somewhere else, maybe you can do the same thing.

Since there will be alcohol at the reception, I’d use that as a point for why you don’t want children there because it’s not really a child friendly environment. 

Post # 12
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We are inviting kids to our wedding, only because half the guests will be travelling interstate. If the parents bring their children though is completely up to them.

Post # 13
39 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think I will be having the same problem. I don not want loads of young uncontrolled children rampaging around showing off and throwing themselves all over the already small dance floor. The close family ones cannot be avoided really but workmates coming to the evening do surely cannot expect to bring their kids? I know I wouldn’t.


Post # 14
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

1)  Invite who you want to invite.  Just write the names of the people you’re inviting on the invitation.  Don’t mention who’s NOT invited (such as saying “adults only”)

2)  A babysitter is not your responsibility.  Most people won’t leave their kids with a stranger anyway.  They’re grown-ups, they can figure out child care.

3)  Be prepared to say “oh I’m sorry you can’t make it – we’ll miss you” when people ask to bring their kids.

4)  The alcohol excuse is weak.  People take their kids to restaurants and family parties all the time where alcohol is present.

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