- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2018
My fiance and I decided over a year ago that our wedding would be adults-only. We gave our guests/family members ample time to make provisions for their kids. No one has contested to our decision except for my siblings.
My sister has a 4 month old, and my brother has a 1 and 3 year old. They are very upset that we will not be including their children in our wedding. I just don’t believe children that young belong at weddings. Their argument is that it’s a family event and I’m banning their children. They have not given us any support since being engaged, but blame their lack of interest in the adults only rule. My fiance and I are planning and paying for this wedding ourselves. All we hoped for was to be respected as the bride and groom.
As a compromise, I offered to pay for a sitter for the kids and suggested they stay in MY bridal suite. This was not a solution to them. They are all or nothing. Their kids must be involved or they won’t show up. Should I really be compromising the vision of my day because they’re guilting me to?
A little background with my siblings is that I have always bent over backwards for them, to make sure they were happy, while they’ve continuously bullied me and bossed me around.
My sister did not choose to honor me at her wedding, and instead had only a maid of honor- a girl she has known for a very short time. I was heartbroken and hurt, but I still went above and beyond helping out for her wedding and respected her decision, NEVER bringing my own feelings up in fear of ruining her day.
My brother has told me that if his kids can’t come, he won’t either. My sister is a little less terrorizing, although expressed to me that this will divide the family and she doesn’t feel comfortable knowing the kids are “banned” from the wedding. They both have involved my mom, who clearly wants this kids there as well. In turn, I have had zero support from my side of the family. My mother even said she doesn’t want to throw me a bridal shower if the family is being divided. My brother and sister have personally made selfish decision their whole iives with no consequences. This is my first offense and I’m “destroying the family”.
Even though I have made this decision, they know exactly how to break me down, make me feel awful for wanting this, and offering consequences if I don’t let them have their way. My brother has made it clear that this will destroy our relationship and he will not want me to be in his daughters’ lives.
I need help. They have taken control over my day and I’m unfortunately far too kind to these bullies. They make me very nervous. They really know how to manipulate me and make me reconsider. My fiance is beyond himself with anger from the way they treat me. Everyone has advised me to put my foot down and tell them off, but it’s not that simple for me. I’m an empath and I can understand why they’re upset, but on the flip side, I want this day to be all about my fiance and I and our wishes for the most important day of our lives.
Any advice would be so appreciated. This has been a horrible gray cloud over the wedding planning.