Adults only when most friends have kids

posted 2 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
1421 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

No it’s not rude. Some people act like it’s completely absurd to hire a babysitter for an evening… but it’s not. Have your adults only wedding if that’s what you want. The guest list is up to you and your fiancé. You aren’t required to invite children. Your friends with children can decide if they want to accept the invitation. 

Post # 3
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Most of our friends had kids when we got married- and we did too. We had a totally child free wedding and reception. No one complained or was surprised. Many of our friends enjoyed the night out and for those coming from Out of Town who had to bring their kids, we helped facilitate babysitters for the hotel.  So I’d say, have the wedding and reception you want. It’s your day! Congratulations! 

Post # 4
Member
6004 posts
Bee Keeper

How many of these friends had adults-only weddings?

If you know that some of these people will never leave their children for anything you’ll have to decide how important it is to have them there. That said, it’s perfectly reasonable to plan an adults-only event. 

Post # 5
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Not rude at all! 

When you say people act surprised, is it just that? Or are they being rude about it? I can understand people being a bit surprised if most of your guests have kids and childfree weddings aren’t super common in your circles. But if they’re being rude about it or trying to make you feel bad about it that’s super not cool. 

The only thing I would consider is if a lot of these friends are traveling from out of town. If everyone is local then it’s no big deal at all, but if you’ve got a handful coming from out of town it might be worth while to offer to arrange group childcare or something to make their lives easier. 

Post # 6
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Why are you thinking about this and you’re not even engaged? Seems like you’re struggling with living in the now and pining over what you think the future should look like. 

Post # 7
Member
11449 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

We did not invite any children of friends at all, just our immediate family children. It’s not rude, they are. 

Post # 8
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

DoubleD :  did you not think about your wedding at all before becoming officially engaged? If so, I’m glad that worked for you, but honestly most people talk and think about these things long before the formal engagement and have a general idea of when, where and other basic logistics before they begin actively planning. 

I don’t see anything in OPs post thar suggests she is “pining”. That is a bit rude and uncalled for. 

Post # 9
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

sboom :  because I’m going off her other post which she stated she is not even engaged but has now made two posts about wedding details that is clearly not happening anytime soon. For her concerns to be so specific it leads me to believe there is something else she isn’t happy with and she is consumed with this. 

Post # 10
Member
27 posts
Newbee

ive thought about this too down the road. My boyfriend and I have already discussed we’d only want max 2 children at the wedding and theyd be in the wedding, 1 is a blood relative and 1 a very close friends kid whos like family, but then we’re not sure if that’d offend the other close friend with kids, so we will probably just do the 1 blood relative child and leave it at that. but i dont think its unfair to ask for child free. its your day. 

Post # 11
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

I think it’s weird that people expect their kids to be invited to a wedding.  I wasn’t invited to a wedding until I was a teenager!  Weddings always seemed like adult-only events to me.  Why would you even want your kids there?  They have to be quiet and perfectly well behaved during the ceremony, and then around a bunch of drunk people at the reception.  Not a great environment for kids generally. 

Post # 12
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper

laurenp24 :  child-free weddings are totally fine so long as you are understanding that some people may have to decline due to childcare issues. It’s kind to make an exception for nursing infants but even that isn’t required. My daughter is just shy of 2 and she’s been invited to some weddings and not others – for the ones she wasn’t welcome I understood completely. I even ditched her for one she was invited to because she was in clingy toddler phase and I knew she wouldn’t have fun while I was busy being a bridesmaid!  However I did have to turn one wedding down because it was out of town and she was only 6 weeks old and nursing and they did not have an exception for nursing infants. The couple started in on “well we have another friend with a baby the same age that’s still making the trip and bringing grandma to stay at the hotel and the mom is just going back to nurse every couple hours so why can’t you do that?” and I shut them down hard. I wasn’t mad my baby wasn’t invited, but I was mad when they tried to guilt me into going to a party that would have been a logistical nightmare for me. 

Post # 13
Hostess
7600 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2019

laurenp24 :  Nope it is not rude at all. Make sure you stick to your guns. Our wedding was adult only (apart from my flower girl which was picked up by her grandparents after the ceremony – which her parents were VERY happy about). If we had invited our friends’ kids there would have been about 20. Considering our guest list was only 46 that was NEVER going to happen. We have people a year’s notice to get organised and would have honestly understood if they didn’t want to come, but we just weren’t interested in our wedding feeling like a kids party. 

Post # 15
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Nothing wrong with child free weddings.  Just know that you’ll get some declines and stand your ground when you get pushback.

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