(Closed) Advantages/disadvantages of a long engagement?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Our engagement will be almost 2 years and I found the biggest disadvantages of a long engagement was that I had a chance to change my mind a million times. I changed our wedding colors several times, redesigned our invitations about 5 times, spent money on supplies that I won’t use because it was a good deal, but now it doesn’t go with our colors anymore.

The biggest advantage is that you get your choice of vendors and locations and you don’t have to make rushed decisions. I actually found that until about 1 year before the wedding, most of the vendors told me to call back in a few months so that they could get their new pricelists. Plus you have more time to plan and save!

 

Post # 4
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

We will have a year and half engagement.

PRO – lots of time to do things (provided you start early). I’ve been gathering a lot of ideas and had a lot of time to shop around. for example, I loved these gold vases. I saw them around Christmas time, and after the holiday got them for $3 instead of $10! Now that it’s after Easter, I can also get a lot of my "blue themed" items at a bargain.

CON – a lot of time to "re-think" things. I can be quite indecisive at times, and went back to a lot of the decisions I made a year ago. For example — now I don’t love my invite design as much.

PRO – you can book the vendors you want! Since there’s so much time, they are most likely free on your day. Our photog, dj, and reception site were all available since we booked so far ahead.

PRO – we are paying for the wedding ourselves as well. it gives us more time to save and budget our money.

PRO – you can take "breaks" from wedding planning. Fiance and I are both in masters program and when exams come, I can focus on exams, and not the wedding.

I think the most major con is just the anticipation of getting married. I find myself wishing it was sooner.

Post # 5
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I wish every week that we had a little more time, but I also know that its not likely things would be any less crazy six months or a year later.  There’s always something, you know?  If its not finishing your Master’s Thesis it will be starting your doctorate program, or starting a new job, or moving…  in our case we have a move, a house to sell, FI’s son having jaw surgery and then going off to college – but next year it will be his daughter off to school, and my sister is planning another child, and my dad needs his hip replaced, and on and on.  We figure things will just seem really relaxed after its all over – and we will actually be married, which is the main thing. 

Post # 6
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We are having an almost 2 year engagement – engaged 12/07, wedding 10/09 – because of life circumstances.  We’re graduating from law school this May and are studying for the bar exam until we take it in the end of July and I honestly didn’t want to try to plan the biggest day of our lives while studying for the biggest test of our lives.

With a few exceptions, I am very happy that we’re having the long engagement.  I have lots of time to plan things, I can do LOTS of research about various vendors and know that they are probably free.  We had a lot of restrictions on possible days for the fall wedding that we wanted so it was good that we had lots of time.  I got my perfect reception venue because I chose it so early and haven’t had a second of regret about it.  And I am not the only bride on the ball because my venue was already booked for the first saturday in October 2009!  I have the time to plan different crafts but I haven’t actually done anything.  We have time to save money so that we have to dip into our savings less and we can shop around for good deals.

So the few exceptions have come at times where I felt like I knew enough to go ahead and have the wedding this year.  But then I realized that the ease that I have had in planning is partially because I have my choice of whatever I want.  I think that for me (I am a control freak), it would be much more stressful to not get what I want over and over again because it is already booked.

Post # 7
Member
41 posts
Newbee

My Fiance and I are having a long engagement too. It’ll be almost two years before we get married…engaged in July ’07 and getting married in May ’09. I found a lot of pros versus cons for a long engagement. Here are my two cents:

Pros:
-Received 2008 prices for the venue (saved about 8%-10% per person)
-May receive 2008 prices from other vendors (photographer/videographer). This depends on when their prices increase for 2009.
-Received discount from our DJ since the date isn’t until next year
-Our wedding planner is free on our wedding date ()
-Gave us time to think about the theme and colors of the wedding
-Gives me time to think about the details and do research (attire, bridal party, invites, etc.)
-FI will graduate from school by our wedding date ()
-Gives us time to save more $$

Cons:
-Too much time to second guess decisions (is the color right? is this dress right for me?, etc.)
-Families constantly questioning our long engagement ("it’s taking such a long time for you to get married! why??)

Post # 8
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

i completely understand the need to put it off bc of life issues, and i definitely think you should take the most financially responsible route, but just to provide another view, every day i think "wow, i can’t wait to be married!" i’m just so excited to be my FI’s wife, and i keep thinking that i want that day to be tomorrow. multiplied by 2.5 years? i can’t even imagine that!

Post # 9
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I don’t really have ANY "Pros OR Cons" to share….

My husband and I dated for 7 years.

We were engaged for 5 years. (I was finishing up with my second degree in college)

It was good…b/c there wasn’t a "big rush". My family didn’t push (we’re asian). His side was the side pushing…"Hurry up and get married. We want to be Aunts, etc." (his side they are "mixed"

We waited…b/c we wanted to save up money. I wanted to have the Perfect Catholic Wedding.

Ultimately in the end…it didn’t happen that way…because we ended up getting married after dating 7 years and 1 day….which was on 07.07.07

Because we had won the Six Flags Thrilled Ever After Wedding Contest along with Wild 94.9 (Bay Area radio station here in Northern California). And they paid for everything.

Post # 10
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

My FH have been together for a long time.  We set a date on New Years and are getting married 9 months later.  We figured if you can bake a baby in 9 months then a you can plan a wedding.  The good thing about waiting is that it allowed us to get out of debt and our credit straightened out.  But now we just want to be married.  If we could push up our date we would.

Post # 11
Member
2404 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I totally understand <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-weight: bold”>MegK.. our engagement will also be about 2.5 years. i’ve really just started the planning process, looking for dresses, thinking of venues.. etc. but i agree with <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-weight: bold”>knudsonwedding when she said there is more time to change your mind or question your decisions. i’ve changed my ideas of "the perfect dress" like 5 times now. 

it is nice though to take things slow and really do some good research on your venues, vendors and so on….. so although it <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-style: italic”>is a very long engagement, its what suits us at the moment and under our circumstances. (finishing school and paying for the wedding ourselves)

Post # 12
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

By the time I get married, we’ll have been engaged for about 19 months (which, one of my wedding vendors told me is actually an average length of time).

My PRO list is essentially the same as everyone else:

-it’s wonderful to be able to take time to research vendors so you can make sure you’ve got the perfect team working with you on your wedding day.

-it’s also nice to have time to save up.

CONS:

-having a long time to plan has essentially killed our wedding budget because I read wedding blogs all day, which means over the last year or so I’ve found all these things that I didn’t know about before but have suddenly become "must haves"

-waiting for your wedding day, especially when you’ve got most of the things planned so far in advance. i’m a very impatient person so it’s been really hard.

 

If I had to do it all over again, I’d probably still choose to have a longer engagement because I’ve gotten to work with all the people I really wanted to. My photog cut the number of weddings he’s doing from 45+ the last few years to 25 this year and I would have been so sad if we wouldn’t have been able to book him for our day.

Post # 13
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We got engaged in May ’08 and won’t get married until August ’10, so I hear ya. ^_^ Our time frame was dictated by when Mr. Spin gets out of school–I refused to be a long-distance wife while he’s off studying, so a long engagement was necessary. Although I fully admit that roughly 27 months is kinda ridiculous and on the crazy-long side. ^_^

I’ve only just started actual planning, but I do agree with all who said that it’s nice to be able to leisurely search for ideas, details, and compare vendors. I’ve gotten to narrow things down quite a bit and now it’s gotten close enough that I can start legitimately booking vendors. Long is good. Plenty of time for DIY which is great for me. ^_^

Post # 14
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@SpinningJenny– Ours is dictated by when my fiance finishes school as well, as getting married would change his financial aid/scholarship status. He’s also in another state, and I didn’t like the idea of being a long-distance wife either!

 I really like the fact that I have time to think about what we want to do, and (more importantly) the wedding isn’t in the forefront of our minds. We have way too many other things to do and it helps us to remember how important it is to just be in each other’s company.

Post # 15
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Its 1:49 at night, and I am reading the weddingbee while I should be finishing my thesis (because I am SO CLOSE!!!).

To some I know this sounds like a problem, but for me it totally advocates for a long engagement. School is stressful, but in grad school it is all about actually learning and remembering the material for once, creating and completing a project, not just getting through classes you can forget later. 

I have been engaged for almost 4 years now, and we put it off for the exact same reasons you did – money and grad school. I wouldn’t have it any other way – I can focus on my studies now, and really glorifiyng my commitment to my future husband when (and if) I manage to defend. 

Plus it really, really helps to have my wedding as a side project and excuse to read blogs and daydream, knowing I can stress over the logistics when my thesis is done. Remember, the last  6-8 months of your thesis are the hardest! (at least in my profession…

Post # 16
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Originally, I wanted to get married June 2010, but then I’m just so busy with school and I will have to study for my boards and have to fly to the state that I want to practice in to sit for the exam.  Not to mention that right now I don’t even live in the state that I will get married in and it’s not really close that I can drive home on the weekends to plan.  I decided to push it back to Summer of 2011.  It gives me more time and money to plan a better wedding. 

Advantages:  More money, more time, better prepared.  

Disadvantages:  None at the moment.  

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