(Closed) Advice

posted 6 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Toughie.  Is his presence likely to cause a scene, further heart ache or issues leading up to the wedding?

Should your relationship improve or if he mellows out over time, would you regret that he wasn’t invited??  I think that’s the big question.

Post # 4
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I would invite him after considering all of the questions pigzfly has brought up. Then he knows that you are going to live your life the way you want but you still want him to be a part of it. If he chooses not to come it is his loss. At least you extended the olive branch.

Post # 6
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@thefuturelewis:  How long has he had to get used to it? I HATED the “give them time to adjust” speech I got when I was coming out but I’ve found it to be true =/ My dad is doing really well at about 6 months but my mom took a bit longer.


definitely consider what @pigzfly:  said and decide if he’s not happy for you at your wedding, will it put a damper on your day? Plus, just inviting him won’t hurt really. If he doesn’t want to come, he won’t. If he does I think it’d be a huge step for him & a good step for your relationship with him.

Post # 8
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@thefuturelewis:  I think you should talk to him.  Acknowledge his beliefs but tell him yours are different than his and that marrying your partner is what will make you happy and what you intend to do (regardless of his stance on it).  Tell him he is important to you and you want him to share in your day but understand if he chooses not to.  Tell him you want him to be there and it would make you happy if he could support you.

Basically, you are giving him the option to be there or not be there.  Understand that this must be a difficult time for him, as he comes to grips with your sexuality and his expectations for what his daughter’s wedding would be like.  It’s awesome that your mom is on board – my guess is she’ll have some influence on your dad, eventually.

From my friends that have come out to their parents – some adapt quickly and others take years – decades to adjust.  It’s a process for everyone.  

Post # 10
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@thefuturelewis:  yikes – ok, then scratch that part! 🙂  I wouldn’t tell your dad that your mom is supportive, then! 🙂 

Post # 11
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Are you already engaged?  And you have been having a serious relationship with someone who has never met your dad?  

In that case….. Yes, I would give your dad more than 1 day to adjust to a bombshell that he (conciously or sub-conciously) probably didn’t see coming.  Especially since you indicate that you all are not on the best of terms to begin with.


If your wedding isn’t until 2015, you aren’t going to send out invites for a long time…. therefore you don’t need to make any decisions now.  Give him time, let him get to know your fiance and see if that will chill him out. 

On a side note…. I would try to figure out the “rocky relationship” that you all have.  What are the fundamental differences and can THEY be overcome?  That may have more to do with him not being accepting…..

Post # 13
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Since he just found out, I’d let him sit with the information for a bit.

When my sister and her fiancee got engaged, the fiancee’s parents kind of freaked–they really believed their daughter’s being gay was either a ‘phase’ or just a ‘choice’ she could un-choose later.  Her getting married kinda ended those fantasies for them.  At first they said they would not attend the wedding, but after a few months (especially seeing how everyone in our family and all of their friends/local community has embraced them and treat is as the normal life it is) they have really changed their views.  They may never be happy about it but they no longer need to try to stand in the way of her being happy.  They don’t plan to invite any family or friends to the wedding, but THEY will be there now and maybe down the line they will be more okay with everything.

Post # 14
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My courthouse civil union is in two weeks, We are having a dinner afterwards with just 10 people of family and friends, and my mom decided not to come, even though we invited her. My dad is fully supportive. I accept that my mom isn’t coming, because if she did, she said she fears she would make sad or disgusted faces and ruin the night. After two years she still has a hard time with my relationship. Personally, I would rather she not come and upset my wife to be or myself with her bad looks or comments. That’s the best advice I would give you regarding your dad. Hope it helps and good luck. The situation sucks and I’m sorry you are going through it too. Time may change things too, but my mom has known for two years and hasn’t changed a lot, although she says she is working on it.

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