Advice!

posted 1 week ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

vgrimes93 :  if it’s true that she’s been badmouthing you and your fiancé, then no, she shouldn’t have any role in the wedding. Nor would I invete her at all without a clearly sincere apology. I’ve been that girl who waits years for a ring. It absolutely sucks every time another friend gets engaged but that’s no excuse for poor behavior. You have nothing to do with how her relationship is going and she shouldn’t take it out on you (if that’s the reason). As far as I’m concerned, she’s no longer your friend— unfortunate perhaps, but how could she come back from that?

I would give her the chance to tell her side of the story though, because sometimes family members and friends can exaggerate what is actually being said. It may be that she just said she was uncomfortable or bored at the taco event, or the pda made her feel like a third wheel, not that she thought horribly about you and your fiancé. In that case, she picked the wrong people to vent to and I would forgive. 

Post # 3
Member
1884 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

vgrimes93 :  She’s talking shit about you, and to your family?? That’s pretty ballsy. 

I would definitely have a conversation with her and let her know you’ve heard what she’s been saying and that it’s very hurtful. Even if she’s feeling jealous or insecure that she’s the only friend left without a ring, that’s no reason to start being a shitty friend to you.

If I were you, I’d hear her out then decide whether or not to keep her around based on her response. 

Post # 4
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If it’s true that she’s been bad mouthing you and your Fiance, no, she should not be in your wedding. I would go so far as to say I wouldn’t invite her or remain friends with her either. Life is hard enough without having “friends” like that. 

Post # 5
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

In your originial thread, I had advised that you see if there is something going on with her mental health, because sometimes people behave in inconsiderate ways because they are struggling.

However, there are limits on what you should be expected to accept and look past, and I would say she has crossed that line in a major way. Talking poorly about you and your fiance to your family makes me think she wanted you to hear all the stuff she has been saying. The girl clearly has some issues going on, but she is handling them very poorly and with no care for how her behaviour impacts you or others. That’s not OK and I would not accept that. 

Give her the chance to explain herself and to apologise to you, and if she does and you are satisfied that she acted out of pain and is genuinely sorry, then invite her to the wedding, but at this point I think her animosity towards your fiance should revoke any role she was supposed to play in the wedding party.

Post # 6
Member
419 posts
Helper bee

I want to go to a taco event…

Post # 8
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

You need to remove yourself from this mess by not “confronting” or talking to her tomorrow. Nothing good will result from it, just some cattiness and “I never did xyz” and “I cant believe you did this to me” from both sides. Shes proved to be a backstabber. Block her from your life, uninvited and move on. 

Post # 9
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

She even told my mother he raped me.

 

Unless you are (now) intentionally downplaying what your fiance did, or you intentionally gave your friend this impression when you told her about this at the time, this is a friendship ending move.

 

ETA:

On the night we had sex for the first time, we had been making out and things were getting heated and he said maybe we shoud stop so that nothing happened that I didn’t want to happen, but she took that as rape.

 

The interpretation of what constitutes as rape can definitely vary from person to person, but if you told her the above happened, I do not see any way this could possibly be construed  as rape. Since he suggested stopping, it would stand to reason you verbally consented to continue. Is this truly how you described it to her when you told her about it?

Post # 10
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

vgrimes93 :  Woah.

OK.

What?

These accusations she is making against him go FAR beyond just talking shit. 

And her animosity towards him sounds completely unwarranted (unless you are leaving out a shit tonne of details). 

Honestly, she sounds like a very toxic person and I’m not sure why you are even friends with her at this point at all? She has done nothing but disrespect your relationship from the start, has taken advantage of your fiance’s generosity, and then turned around and talked shit and made horrible accusations about him behind your back.

Post # 12
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Well at least now it makes sense to you why her brother called you specifically to yell at you.  There’s no telling what she’s told him. 

I personally wouldn’t have someone who gossips about me behind my back in my wedding party, let alone as a guest. And talking ish to my family….as if to start something??? Oh heeellll no!

I’d let her explain herself but that behavior is inexcusable under any circumstances.  Listen to her but know you can no longer trust her at this point.  I’ve immediately dumped “friends” after finding this stuff out.

Post # 13
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

vgrimes93 :  Honestly I’m almost inclined to say this whole thread is fake if you’re actually considering if you should still invite or include her in this wedding after she falsely accused your fiance of rape. Why are you even agreeing to meet her? Send her a “bye felicia” text and be done. 

Post # 14
Member
6225 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

When…did you hear about all this stuff? Today? Why was none of it included in your last post? How long has she been talking about you behind your back to your family? 

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