(Closed) Advice- 4 Months Till Wedding And May Cancel to Elope/ have a DW Wedding

posted 5 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Eloping vs a BIG White Pouffy Family Wedding is definitely a possibility… even at 4 months out.  So that is the GOOD NEWS (Yippee !)


Is Inlaws are a major point of contention for couples, and can in many ways contribute to the success / failure of a relationship / marriage (Divorce)

You guys have a MAJOR ISSUE here.

Not so much His Mother (your future MIL)…

BUT in that Your Guy is passive aggressively (avoiding) dealing with her, and so ultimately she is in charge… and he is following along.

At 30 this is problematic.

If he doesn’t deal with it now going into marriage, starting a seperate life, it will only get worse (told you it was BAD NEWS for you)

This will ultimately damage your relationship / marriage

(Don’t even get me to the part where you guys have kids)

I would not marry this guy now as is…

I’d be hauling his butt back to Pre-Marriage Counselling so you guys can discuss this dynamic with a professional, and you can be working thru this issue EXTENSIVELY BEFORE MARRIAGE

If there isn’t a notable change now (as in long-term 180 degree difference) … I don’t think you can expect to see one in the future

And well, quite frankly that wouldn’t be a marriage that I’d be wanting to walk into be it in front of family, or with a quick romantic trip to Las Vegas

Marriage is not a Wedding Ceremony

Marriage is day-to-day life… and this one doesn’t bode well in my mind unless you make RADICAL CHANGES NOW



Post # 4
358 posts
Helper bee

I would definently elope, just call those who have made reservations and deeply apologize and hopefully they can cancel.  I think your fi should handle this since it is his mess IMO.  I would also think long and hard if you are comfortable being treated this way forever once you marry into his family, expeshally it is concerning that your fi won’t stand up for you over his mom.  You guys need to set boundaries and I would suggest more counseling before its done forever.

Post # 6
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You could always Elope now, and have a party later… down the road… when y’all have the money for it. (That’s what we’re doing.)  Or maybe your family could host a post-Elopement celebration when you return just for your side of the family and a few close friends.  But I do think you should probably make a decision very soon before anyone else books tickets or hotel rooms. 

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