Advice about a new friend (not a bashing post)

posted 2 weeks ago in Beehive
Post # 16
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee

The relationship sounds exhausting. Maybe on both sides. I’d just let it naturally fizzle out. I don’t know how long your daughter will be attending that preschool but my guess is that once you move on (which should be soon since she’s 5, right) that the friendship will be naturally done anyway. 

Post # 17
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper

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@daliah12:  I have no idea why it’s so hard but I have had a literal adult waive my allergen in my face.  Thank God I didn’t have an airborne reaction. 

I grew up in a time before there were protections for allergic people.. so like I accidently ate it at school several times and wasn’t even given an epi pen until I was an adult and almost died. Things have come a long way but there are a lot of people that treat it as an inconvenience rather than life threatening. 

People around me know I’m not going places with them is they are going to be secknd guessing my allergy.  

Post # 18
Member
13755 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I didn’t have to read any of the other details. I wouldn’t be friends with anyone who regularly exploded on me, or lashed out, period. None of my friends have done that. Ever. 

Post # 19
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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@daliah12:  I breastfeed and my daughter has a dairy allergy. Dairy is in everything and so hard to avoid. I wouldn’t hang out with someone who has such a disrespect for your child’s health.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people give me crap because I’ve brought my own food to something. At thanksgiving one of my in laws was so upset I brought a sandwich when they’d all cooked. She insisted I could eat the cornbread dressing, because it was just cornbread and vegetables. I said doesn’t cornbread have milk? Then she was quiet, because it does. Later she was talking about how good the turkey was because she’d basted it in butter, good thing I didn’t eat it! If a friend made avoiding an allergy that difficult, they wouldn’t be a friend anymore. 

Post # 20
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

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@daliah12:  Ahh ok, if you’re telling her when she needs to leave each time and she just asks to stay longer, then that’s a bit different. That would be very frustrating..

With the dairy foods- is she bringing them over and setting them out on a plate for everyone to grab or is she just directly feeding it to her child? I don’t think you can police what she feeds her child, but you have a right to be annoyed if she’s essentially feeding it to your child. It would be more respectful for her not to bring it over to YOUR house, but if she needs to bring snacks for her kids and that’s what she has at home, I wouldn’t expect her to do a special shop.

Either way – it sounds like you’re not a great friend match and all the conflict sounds exhausting. It’s hard to carry on a friendship when you feel like you are constantly having to reestablish and reinforce your boundaries. 

 

Post # 21
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee

Just keep her as acquaintance rather than a friend. She sounds like hard work and people like that I might stay friendly with but not necessarily a good friend because it’s too much energy. xo

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