Post # 1
I’m a first-time 43 year old bride getting married 11-27-10 to a man i’ve been with for almost 8 years. Finally i found the man of my dreams and i’ve been super excited about the big day, until this past week. I live in Florida and my whole family lives in MD, where the wedding is going to be. My whole family went on vacation this past week in Myrtle Beach, and my dad barely said 2 words to me or my fiance….never once has he ever mentioned the wedding to me or him, or even said congratulations. When someone mentioned the wedding, he looked at my fiance and said “you started this godd**** shit”. Then the night before we left he told me “i’m not taking any godd*** boxes back to MD for you” when he heard they had wedding stuff in them. That was the last straw for me. My mom says she doesn’t know what his problem is other then being cheap. My parents have money….my dad has been retired since his 40’s (he is now 65) and cuts lawns to keep busy but they in no way need the money. They own 2 house completely paid for. Mom says she thinks dad is pissed about the money….they agreed to pay $5,000 towards the wedding and we are paying the rest. I told mom today that i do not want my father to give me away or have a father/daughter dance…he will be lucky if i allow him to come to the wedding. Does anybody think this is too harsh? If my father can’t be happy that i’m getting married, why should i want him there? Believe me, $5,000 is probably about 1% of the cash money they have, and right now we have $2,200 in our saving account. I told mom several times we will pay for the whole thing, but she keeps telling me no. I would appreciate any advice from brides who have dealt with difficult dads. Thanks.
Post # 3
if it were me, i would decline the money and plan the wedding yourself.
Post # 4
I think there are other possibilities here.
Your Dad may be showing symptoms of early dementia or at least altered personality. Does he have episodes or outbursts like this at home with your mother?
I would carry on as if nothing had happened. Your mother still wants to help.
Post # 5
That sounds odd, I agree with
@julies1949:I would wonder about your dad’s health too! If that is ruled out as an issue, do both your parents like and trust your FI?
If all things are ruled out, and it is your dad just getting worked up about the money, maybe you could pay for the wedding, and maybe your mom would just like to pay for your gown? Best Wishes!
BTW-11/27 is a very good day for a wedding-Our anniversary!! 🙂
Post # 6
I hate how everyone on these boards seems to protect “the family unit”. lol. That said I love the bees but really jerk dads should not get patriarchal privileges just for the sake of patriarchy. It makes me mad. Especially if you’re an older bride, walk yourself down the aisle, you’re a big girl. I wish I’d done this–I had my mom walk me which was nice too. I didn’t have a father daughter dance either, just included a slow song in the reception and danced it with my dad.
Post # 7
My dad has done the same thing- no mention of the wedding, no congratulations…it hurts my feelings, so I totally get where you’re at!
The good news is, I’m marrying an amazing man and I have lots of support from others. But I’m in the same boat: do I let him come and walk me down the aisle and do all the traditional stuff even though he’s clear he wants nothing to do with it? Not sure…
As difficult as it is, I am enjoying planning my wedding and I won’t let him get in the way 🙂
I know this isn’t advice; I’m dealing with it day-by-day. But I wanted you to know you’re not the only one!
Post # 8
ive had issues with this too. my father seperated from my mom for complicated reasons last year… i got engaged 4 months later. i’m not having my father at the wedding at all because i dont want something to taint my feelings there. i would most likely feel more pain by having him there, then by not… (as there will be plenty of other well wishers there for me).