(Closed) Advice about ex's "abandoned" belongings…

posted 7 years ago in Legal
Post # 3
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I say send the letter certified, and then do as you say. Don’t pay for anything, don’t go out of your way. It is KIND of you to offer to pack and ship it AT ALL, regardless of financial responsibility. If he wants his shit, HE needs to show up and get it after making an appointment with you for a time that works, within your 10-30 day time limit.

Post # 4
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you care to, you can get the prices for the post office and send an invoice for shipping to him along with your certified letter. Then either he can pony up the money and have you ship it for him, or he can show up for his shit. Either way, you’ll have documentation.

Post # 5
3696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You’ve done more than enough.  If you care to, you can include how much the boxes weigh so he can figure it out, or just tell him you’ll ship them for $30/each or he can come get them, end of discussion.  You don’t argue with Amazon when they tell you how much shipping & handling is and they have stuff that isn’t already yours.

Post # 6
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

If you’re moving, I would just leave his stuff there and let the landlord deal with it (assuming you’re renting).  They probably deal with that all the time.  Just check first, make sure you won’t be charged/lose your damage deposit for doing so and provide them with his current contact information.

Post # 7
1074 posts
Bumble bee

I would send the letter, and make sure that the letter clearly states that although you will carry-out the actual shipping of the items that you must be paid in advance for it via putting money in your account. Someone I know had something similar happen to her, and he promised that the check was “in the mail” and it conveniently “got lost” after she had shipped all of his things back.

Post # 8
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

The price to ship will depend on how much it weighs, so while I understand your frustration in him wanting you to find out how much it will cost, he really has no way to do that. If you are willing to ship it if he pays for it, take it to the post office and have it weighed tell him how much it will cost, and don’t send it until he gives you the money for it.


Although, this is all assuming you are willing to ship it. You are being more than generous by offering to do this, but if you do decide you are willing to ship it, it might be better to find out the price yourself. That way he can’t screw you over.

Post # 9
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

If he doesn’t get them by the time you move out, leave them and let the landlord throw them out.

Post # 10
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I say if you’re concerned at all about legal consquences, just pay the money and ship him his stuff. Is it annoying.. absolutely. But it’s a small price to pay to be officially (and legally) done with this guy! He sounds like he’s dragging his ass and he’s going to bug you about not getting his stuff later if you don’t. 


Post # 11
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

How about renting as cheap a storage locker as your can, then sending him the keys?  It’ll cost you money, but it’ll probably be cheaper than shipping everything to him.  Perhaps pay for just one month, let him know that, and leave the rest for him to deal with?  That way you’re still allowing for good will, but also not having to deal with it.

Post # 12
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
@abirdword:  That’s a good idea!

Post # 14
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You’re nicer than I was with my exes.  My rule was ‘take your shit and go’, anything left over will be in the dumpster by the end of the week.  But as the PPs have said, get an invoice and send it certified with a time frame. 

Also, you mentioned he could put money in your account.  Close the account and open a new one, ASAP.  He should NOT know your account number.  You’d think that with just an account number, there’s not much he can do.  You’d be wrong.  There’s a lot of havoc a person can cause with an account number, a valid name, address and personal info. 

Post # 15
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@angustia:  What kind of stuff are we talking about here? Are they large items? Can you put the items on your porch and tell him to come pick them up when you are not there? And if he doesn’t, put up a Craigslist ad for free stuff on curb. Hahaha!

I agree with PPs that it would be hard for him to figure out costs without knowing how much the stuff weighs so you are both in a tricky spot because you shouldn’t have to pay for shipping and then deal with him not paying you back. The only option I see is if you wouldn’t mind going through the trouble of taking it to UPS or Fedex and getting cost estimate.

Post # 16
9080 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Box it up and take it to UPS. Have them weigh it to estimate the cost and have them print up an invoice. make a packing slip of everything inside the box. Send him the invoice and tell him you will ship it (with packing slip) when he gives you the money.

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