(Closed) Advice about healing from broken friendship

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: If you were treated like me: did you build solid friendships again?

    Yes it was easy

    Yes but it took some work. Hang in there!

    Still working on it

  • Post # 2
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I’m sorry to hear what happened with your friend. I understand how much the loss of a close friendship especially when it ended out of nowhere can hurt. I had one friend who I trusted and was close with for about two years, but suddenly that person no longer responded to my texts, and had no contact with me. It came as a surprise that I could be dropped so suddenly after being so close but unfortunately in life relationships of all kinds can just end. Sometimes with closure, and sometimes with no closure and those are the hardest to get over. Like to the end of any relationship, it’s important to grieve the loss that it is, and with time eventually it will hurt less and less. It took me about a year to get over it so I’m not suggesting it will be quick to not feel hurt anymore. It takes however long it needs to. Try not to blame yourself as hard as that is. Sometimes people do things we just don’t understand. The right people are out there and I hope you find them one day. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

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    Tisa85:  I understand. It’s really hard to trust again, but I try to remind myself that every new person I meet is not automatically going to be like someone who has hurt me in the past so that I can try and give them a chance to see if I can build a friendship with them. You just have to keep putting yourself out there at your own pace until you one day find someone whose going to be a good friend. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    600 posts
    Busy bee

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    Tisa85:  Hi! Sorry you’re dealing with that, people can be crap sometimes. I’ve noticed some so called friends of mine drifting away because I’m no longer of any use to them. It’s a sucky feeling but when I can no longer benefit them (help them at work, help them get a job, etc), that seems to be the end. I have a few close friends that are amazing so I consider myself lucky. Who needs the phonies anyway. 

    Good luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    84 posts
    Worker bee

    The SAME exact thing happened to me.   We were best friends are over 5 years, one day we were texting back and forth about random things, the next day she blocked me on facebook (childish, I know, we’re in our late 20’s, not highschool! ) , ignored my text and phone calls.   And just like that we were no longer friends.  When I pressed, she finally sent me an email saying that ” I had changed”  and that was it.   At first I was really sad, cried my eyes out, felt like a breakup.  It has been over a year and it will get better with time.   I came to realize that I don’t need somone like that in my life anyways,  someone who didn’t value my friendship enough to come talk to me about whatever it was that was bothering her, someone who can drop a friendship like that isn’t someone I want to be friends with anyways.   I miss the person I thought I knew, but maybe she changed, or maybe she never existed.   Either way, you will be fine without this person.  She obviously didn’t value you enough to work on your friendship, so let her be,  you’re better off withouth her.  And you’ll make new friends,  30 is not too old =D  

    Post # 8
    Member
    2087 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I don’t think 30 is too old to have a best friend, but I think a 30 year old best friend isn’t going to be the same as the best friend you had at 20.

    I had a best friend from freshman year of high school all the way up till 24. I know the reason for our falling out (it’s a long story I won’t get into here) but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. Even now at 30 I still contemplate contacting her because I miss the friendship we had, but I don’t because there’s a reason we aren’t friends anymore.

    Now at 30 I can count on my hand the number of friends I have, not including my husband. And it’s difficult to hang out sometimes because everyone’s got kids and jobs and responsibilities, everything needs to be planned well in advance and even then shit happens. But what makes these people good friends is I can go months without seeing them, but when we talk it’s like no time has passed. I don’t feel pressure to entertain them or anything, we can just hang out and be cool with each other.

    Post # 9
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

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    Tisa85:  I had a friend for over 12 years. I practically taught her son his abc’s and as soon as I started dating my husband- she became evil! Back then it felt like a flip of a switch but now I realize that she was that person all along and I only noticed because she was no longer the center of attention. It may hurt eben like a break up but if someone’s character is so poor that they can ditch their friend, have no explination, and then live with your ex- then you are lucky you don’t have a “friend” like that. People do show their true colors, you just have to look. I’m in mid 30’s and have a few die hard friends but i also don’t need friends like I did in my 20’s. I know a lot of people say “I married my best friend” but then they have a female best friend that’s really their best friend… I’m very lucky to say that my husband and I were friends first and truly are best friends. I think you’ll know when a true friend comes along because they’re there for the good and the bad and not just a convenience and there’s really nothing you can do right or wrong except for keep your eyes open. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    600 posts
    Busy bee

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    Tisa85:  oh geez, some people huh??

    Post # 12
    Member
    670 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

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    Tisa85:  This for some reason made me think of an ex-friend who I did have a definite falling out with, but I used to talk to her for hours on end after her mother died, as if I were her counselor or something.  I did not mind, of course, my main concern was her, but then she started going on about how we really weren’t that good of friends…um, ok, so you can lean on me so much after your mom dies, but we are not that good of friends (and I need to know this why?).  I felt hurt to say the least.  Your friend seemed selfish the way she called you on your birthday, and you were selfless in the way you cared about her.  She could take a lesson from you.  I guess that’s the similarity with my situation, I felt like I was selfless but it meant nothing.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1953 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My friend and I stopped talking after 9 years of friendship. After such a long time, in the space of two weeks she changed completely. I never realised until the friendship was over just how good she wasn’t. I was used and put down constantly. Absolutely not what you want. It took me a long time to realise it but I’m glad we’re no longer talking. I definitely miss the friendship and having that one go to girl, but honestly, I’m so much happier than I was when I was friends with her – I just didn’t know it yet.

    I’m sorry this is happening to you ๐Ÿ™ hopefully you can find someone soon!

    Post # 15
    Member
    43 posts
    Newbee

    I cannot relate because I don’t have a “best friend” per se, other than few really close friends I check in with now and then (we all live in different states). But I will share my parents’ story:

    My parents left Russia when they were in their early 30s and moved to Japan. Not only did they not know anyone, they didn’t speak the language. We lived there for 6 years – by the time we left, they had an entire circle of BEST friends (all Russians!).

    Then we again moved – this time to the states. My parents were now in their late 30s. Also did not speak English. Guess what? They are now surrounded by a group of very creative, outgoing, and fun friends. You just need to get out there and keep meeting people. It’s like dating. Some you’ll connect with, some you won’t. Keep doing you.

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