(Closed) Advice about my sister. please.

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
323 posts
Helper bee


AquamarineQueen:  Seriously? Tell your sister you have your own life, and if she can’t deal with that then that’s her problem. No way in hell would I put up with her behaviour, you only started speaking with her again a month ago, you have no obligation to her whatsoever. Your entire post is full of excuses(valid ones at that)about why you can’t go, you shouldn’t even have to explain yourself, you have a trip booked, simple as that, don’t go in all apologetic or else she’ll feed off that and try and make you feel bad, tell her you’ve booked a trip, it’s the only time your Fiance can get time off so you can’t make the party and that’s that.

She sounds like she’s so used to getting her own way that she cuts people off when she doesn’t, I couldn’t have people like that in my life, sister or not.

Post # 3
9782 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

AquamarineQueen:  you know, ultimately there’s nothing you can do to control her reactions. She sounds like an emotionally unstable, narcassistic pain in the ass. And that’s her problem- not yours. 

I would tell her that your inlaws arranged for this and you feel it’s the right thing to go. send your niece a gift and that’s that. Who the hell makes that big a deal out of alllll their kids bdays every year!? And the who is served first thing is insane behavior. Truly. Wtf? 

Give it your best shot but DO NOT be bogged down by her immature, the world revolves around me and my kids, attitude. If she swears at you- I would just say “sister, I love you and I love my niece, but I am taking my in laws up on their incredible offer for a once in a life time trip with my man. I will send a gift and she’ll get over it, and I hope you do too”

if she presses on I would give it back ” you need to grow up- the world does not revolve around you and your children” end of convo. She doesnt deserve to be cooed and coddled for her childish behavior- if she wants to act like a brat at some point you need to stand up to her or she’s just going to steamroll you for life. If she chooses to cut you out of her life- that’s her (insane, selfish, immature) decision. 

Post # 4
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

AquamarineQueen:  It’s a child’s birthday. It’s not the kid’s graduation, wedding, or whatever. Your sister will need to get over it. Enjoy Mexico!!!

Post # 5
7524 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have kids and if an aunt or uncle had to skip a birthday it would not be a big deal. If they missed EVERY birthday it would annoy me- but that doesn’t sound like what’s happening here. Go on your trip!

Post # 6
4712 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Go on your trip and send a nice gift.  Maybe suggest that you bring your sister and neice on a fun outing?

Post # 7
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Don’t let your (childish, rude) sister manipulate you. I can’t imagine not going on a vacation because of a niece’s birthday party. 

Post # 8
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Unfortunately, you can’t control her feelings. You’re going to have to tell her unless you cancel your trip and go to the birthday, which would be a serious mistake. You can’t tiptoe around your sister’s emotions the rest of your life out of fear that she won’t talk to you. Honestly, if she ever spoke to me like that, I would welcome the distance. She has no right to treat you like that.

Post # 9
192 posts
Blushing bee

LudaRae:  I would send a birthday gift a little early, track it and call your neice after she receives her gift and explain to her you love her and are sorry to miss her birthday but will do something fun together on your next visit. Your sister sounds awful, go on your vacation and swim in the warm ocean waters of Mexico!

Post # 10
760 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

AquamarineQueen:  For the sake of your relationship with your sister now, and many many years into the future, I suggest you read the book called “The Dance of Anger” by Harriet Lerner.  Your sister has learned to take advantage of you and likely many others around her by throwing child-like temper tantrums and freezing you out until you bow down to her.

I suggest reading this book because it will empower you to learn how to interact with your sister in a different way that will stop this dysfunctional dynamic (at least between the two of you) that is currently poised to go on for life.

In fact, I think you should read the book on your VACATION with your SO 😉



Post # 11
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Here’s what I would do: Give your neice an early birthday gift/card, maybe take her out to lunch and a movie, and if your sister throws a fit about your vacation, tell her to F off.

Post # 13
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

AquamarineQueen:  your sister sounds like an immature, spoiled brat. While her kids might be the centre of her universe, they aren’t the centre of everyone else’s. Taking time off work to go to a child’s birthday party? Are you kidding me? What planet does she live on?

If I were you, I would tell her what I’m doing and why. I would ask if I can stop by for half hour to visit the kids and drop off a birthday present before my vacation. And that would be the end of it. If she tells you no, what you do is listen to her and don’t bring the kids anything. And let that be the end of it. 


EDIT: I just read that you live 2 hours away?? Put your niece’s gift in the mail so it arrives before her birthday and that’s that. Your sister needs to grow up.

Post # 14
2350 posts
Buzzing bee

AquamarineQueen:  Here’s your problem: You are trying to use logic to solve a problem, but the problem is crazy and irrational.

That never works. Your sister clearly has some issues, and no matter what you will never please her 100% of the time, because you aren’t the problem. Her behaviour is off the charts unreasonable. I would go ahead and continue being  the kind and respectful human being that you are, and know that she will blow up at you anyway.

Do know that you don’t have to listen to someone yell at you for hours. I have a relative like this, when she gets over the top on the phone I say very calmly, “I’m going to hang up now because this conversation seems to be making you very upset and I don’t want you to be upset.” Then I hang up, and if she calls back 10 times, I don’t answer.

Enjoy your vacation. 

Post # 15
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Your sister sounds very difficult. At some point you are going to have to stop caring about how she’s going to react. Her reactions are irrational; you have no reason to buy into it.

Go to Mexico. Give your sister your regrets and get your niece a present. Done. If your sister demands or expects anything else, that’s her problem.

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