Post # 1
Hi! My brother is getting married in a few months and my parents are struggling with the rehearsal dinner. The wedding is in our hometown, and it is basically a "destination wedding" because our family and friends will have to drive 2-7 hours to get there, and most of her family and friends will have to fly (from other states and overseas). My parents have planned a rehearsal dinner for the wedding party and dates, and immediate family (brothers, sisters, and grandparents). My brother and fiance have just given my parents a list of names of her family and friends from her home state and foreign country to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. My parents don’t know what to do. They do not think it is fair to invite these few people to the rehearsal dinner, just because they are flying in, where the people who are driving 7 hours wouldn’t be invited. I suggested they have the rehearsal dinner for wedding party and immediate family, and then invite everyone to a welcome party at a local bar (that will be pay-your-own way). I feel badly for my parents because they cannot afford to pay for all the out of town guests to come to a rehearsal dinner and also fthey eel that it is not what the spirit of the dinner is about. Any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks!
Post # 3
I think your parents need to explain to your brother, who in turn needs to explain to his fiance and her parents that your parents were only planning to invite X number of people. I think that as long as they invite the people that must be invited to a rehearsal dinner, which it sounds like they are, then your brother’s finance’s family has no cause to complain. The rehearsal dinner is your parents thing and they get to determine the guest list. A separate welcome party sounds like a great idea.
Post # 4
I agree with your suggestion of a seperate welcome party and sdbride suggestion to talk to your brother and have him pitch the idea of a seperate thing to his fiance. Maybe you guys can find a nice loungy place that has free admission and cheaper appetizers or just use a suite and have an open house situation with cheap appetizer plates from say costco or sams.
Post # 5
i agree with both sdbride and sunsetislove. we’re having a destination wedding this fall and all of us are flying in. we’re planning to have a rehearsal dinner but with the bridal party and two add’l family members only. We’d love to be able to invite the rest of the guests but it is just too much for our budget to handle. We are planning on spending time with our guests before the wedding however: something more casual and laid back (ie pay-your-own-way) so that we can have fun and relax before all of the festivities.
my two suggestions are: 1)ask your brother and fiancee to contribute financially, if they can, to the rehearsal dinner if they’re adamant about having all the people on the guest list or 2) ask your brother, fiancee and parents to compromise on the guest list and choose only those people who absolutely need to be present at the rehearsal dinner (ie. grandparents, etc.).
IMO, the rehearsal dinner should be about sharing those last special moments with those closest to you before the wedding, shouldn’t it?
Post # 6
Maybe your parents could find a more afforable way to invite more people. I’m not sure what kind of rehearsal dinner they were thinking of but barbeque’s can be a affordable way to feed lots of people for not that much. I threw a birthday party for my mom with 75 people in attendance and hired some people to cater loose meat sandwiches. It was very cost effective. I made potato salad and corn salad and bought some fruit trays. I presented it in a classy way and it didn’t seem cheap or country at all. Another idea would be a potluck. I know these may not be your parents favorite options but the way the economy is these days, I don’t think people would fault them.
I really think they should just talk to your brother and his fiance. Ask them if they would like a less formal party with more people or a more formal party with less people. Hopefully they will both understand and try to work towards a middle ground with your parents.