(Closed) Advice about roommates.

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am in a nearly identical situation – our choice was to live in Newark, NJ (where I go to school) by ourselves, or live in Manhattan (where the jobs are for DH) and have a roommate (that we already know, that moved up here a few months prior to us). We chose to live in Manhattan with the roommate, and it has been great. Him and Darling Husband weren’t very close before we all moved in together, and they still aren’t, but we all get along great (the roommate and I are very close). Darling Husband and I try to keep any marital disputes in the bedroom, and our roommate has plenty of privacy, given that his room is closer to the front door and bathroom, so he can do as he pleases without us knowing much. Student living is so different from ‘real life’ – that’s how I justify it. It’s a temporary and necessary solution. It’s also nice to have someone around when Darling Husband isn’t home (mine is in the National Guard, so he’s gone one weekend a month, which would probably get lonely without a roommate).

Post # 4
Member
6222 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I’m marking this so I can give a better response tomorrow. But here’s the short of it:

You will have privacy in your bedroom but nowhere else. You will still feel the need to be quiet during private times and it may annoy you. 

Make sure she cleans/takes care of responsibilities and agree on a schedule/requirements from the beginning, because you might feel like, being a married couple, you don’t want to clean up after your roommate and do all her dishes all the time.

Also, make sure she is respectful of other peoples’ property. If you are planning to stay there afterward, you will take it personally if she ruins something (like a floor).

I think you can be successful if you approach it as you guys being college students who of course live with roommates, who also happen to be married, as opposed to having someone living with you during your first year of marriage and they are intruding.

Post # 5
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I feel like that it a totally normal and not bad situation. 

Post # 6
Hostess
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@MissHornet:  

We live with a roommate right now to save money so we can relocate. It’s been since November, the roommate is a friend of ours who I’ve known for years at this point. She works with Darling Husband now, but we knew her in grad school, lived in the apartment under her in DC, and then she moved to the city we’re in currently.

We get along well and I’d say that that it’s going as well as could have possibly been expected. 

That said: Don’t do it if you can figure out any way NOT to!

It’s really difficult for me some of the time. I feel like Darling Husband and I never have any privacy, cleaning is an issue in a way that it’s not for Darling Husband and I. (I’m clean, and he’s not that clean, she’s not either. So I feel like I now have to clean up after TWO people all the time!) She’s also a lot more social than I am, and generally much needier than I thought she would be. It’s gotten somewhat better since she’s made new friends in the city, but I feel like she wants to hang out all. the. time. 

I think we’re going to make it out of this as still friends. But I don’t want to live with anyone ever again if I can help it. (Although Darling Husband is going to work abroad this summer so I’m going to be looking for a place in my hometown to sublet for a few months, which will probably be with a roommate. I consider that different though because Darling Husband won’t be there). 

 

Post # 7
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

where we live most young couples live in shared places. Not really my cup of tea, but it seems to work out

Post # 8
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@MissHornet:

Personally I have no issue with having roommates.  I’ve only had one female roommate and that didn’t end well so now my fiance and I only roommate with guys. 

Post # 10
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I was the roommate with the married couple. I never once walked in on them having sex or anything. I loved them. The only thing that really pissed me off was taking my food from the fridge, but that’s just normal roommate crap.

Oh, and their bunnies ate the heels on my shoes…

Other than that, totally normal for college situation. And it won’t last forever!

Post # 11
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Make sure she’s a normal-head first!

Fiance and I are currently living with a roommate that used to count among my closest friends. Not so much.

On top of him just being moodier than I ever tought it gets really old really fast if you want to snuggle up with your OH and watch a movie, but oh, the flatmate is sprawledout on the sofa playing a videogame ALL NIGHT. Or in a mood because he’s around a couple all the time and he’s single so sits with his headphones on huffing in the front room.

Want a romantic dinner without planning it ahead? Be prepared for your flatmate to pop in with some random houseguest.

And of course, Idk if you are this way inclined but i found that living with the Fiance puts me in nesting-mode and it is really hard to have that sort of household around someone else’s habbits. Example: I want a vase with flowers on the table. What’s there? A packet of crisps and his hat, because that’s how flatmate rolls and it is his house as much as it is ours.

 

I’m not saying it can’t work out just that it hasn’t for us. It is also just for a year but I tell you, this year has been long.

Post # 12
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MissHornet:  People have different concepts of this in the US. Where I live many if not most young couples live with roommates. Just set boundaries and hope she doesn’t turn out to be mental! 🙂 Just teasing, if I could have my last roommate move in with me and my Darling Husband, I would absolutely do it! I think it’s fun to live with roommates (but I’m lucky in that I’ve had a few great ones) and once you stop living with them, it’s really hard to ever go back… so I’d recommend using this last year as a chance to save money by having a roommate! Good luck whatever you choose

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