- 12 years ago
- Wedding: September 2008
Hi Hive- I need some advice regarding visiting with the inlaws.
My husband and I live in Boston. His parents are retired and live in North Carolina (in the boonies- not near any major airport). We don’t get to see them often because we don’t have lots of $ to fly or vacation days to allow us to drive down. They don’t come up often, either, and when we do, they always seem like they are in a big rush to get home (ie they left our destination wedding before most of the guests!).
And when we do go down to visit them, they don’t adjust their schedules- they leave us at their house to go to their clubs and activities! When we leave, his mom cries about how much she misses him, but she can’t skip choir practice to have dinner with us when we’re there!
We were married in September, honeymooned in October, and really couldn’t afford to take much time off for Tgiving. We hoped his retired parents would come up to Boston or to my parents’ home in NY for the holiday, but they refused, saying they had already done a lot of traveling for the wedding (which was in upstate NY). My husband was just going to tell them that we couldn’t see them for Tgiving (it was his parents turn to have Tgiving with us this year), but his mom was obviously upset. I felt really bad about that because he’s an only child. So I suggested that we meet them halfway.
They agreed and we met them at a hotel in Maryland (apparently his parents are bad at math, because we spent 9 hours in the car while it only took them 4 hours!). We had the most depressing Thanksgiving dinner ever which his mom insisted on preparing in the hotel (Stovetop stuffing, gravy from a can, etc). Whatever. They got to spend the holiday with thier son, and even our 12 hour drive home was worth that.
We invited them to come up for Christmas at my parents’ house (our parents seem to get along well) but they again refused- citing weather and travel time (they usually just drive up- and did I mention they are RETIRED and don’t work).
My husband is really hurt by their frequent refusal to travel and the fact that they always rush back home when they do visit. They are retired, financially secure, and healthy- why they want us to be the ones to use our precious/scarce vacation days and money to visit them (so they can leave us at their house while they maintain their normal daily schedule) is beyond us.
This really hurts my feelings too and makes me really angry. For my husband’s sake I try to keep that to myself and make excuses for them, but that doesn’t really solve anything.
Do you have any advice about how to deal with this? What can I say to my inlaws to encourage them to visit us? What can I say to my husband to make him feel better about his parents behavior?