(Closed) Advice – adoption

posted 3 years ago in Adoption & Surrogacy
Post # 2
9177 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

ljm308:  no tips, but just wanted to say tons of kudos to you!! I seriously think there is no greater good than adoption and would do it myself in a heartbeat if my Fiance wasn’t so adamant about having biological kids. 

Wait I lied, maybe one tip — see what resources your employers have. Many of them around where I am offers tons of support (including financial) for those who adopt. Good luck and keep us posted!

Post # 3
1054 posts
Bumble bee

It doesn’t have to cost anything at all of your willing to go through foster care Because theirs grants and things for court costs. However, then you are looking at a LONG process and a lot of potential losses. If a parent doesn’t want to give up Rights it will take at least 18 mo. before the termination process can start. Then there’s potential appeals and then the formal adoption. If your more interested in private adoption through an agency, like I am, then there are more costs associated with it but making your own is expensive too, so eh. You’d really have to reach out to your local agencies to get exact figures. As far as time, it varies. You will have to pass a home study which doesn’t really take long usually. Then you have to wait for a baby. This could happen in a under a year or it could take several. It will depend on what age you’re willing to adopt, too.  There are so many factors and every experience is different. My fiancé is adopted and his parents waited almost a year for him, but when they found out that they were getting him they picked him up two days later. They only waited a few months before they found out they were getting his (non biological) sister. I would really suggest reaching out to professionals in your area because they’ll know a lot more!   

I havent adopted but I do plan to and have many adopted family members. Im also an adoptions social worker! So that’s where my knowledge comes from. Sorry I don’t have personal experience to share 🙂

Post # 4
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I adopted my daughter 13 years ago.  It takes some serious time and money, like 18 months to two years and upwards of 30,000 dollars.  At least for international adoption.  If you have a set date you want to have childern by, you need to be prepared to start the process at least 2 years before that point. 

Post # 5
5543 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

There are pretty significant differences between domestic infant  (private or with an agency)  adoption through foster care, or intentionally adopting. Infant and international adoption can cost tens of thousands of dollars. It can take years or not very long at all. We know a family who was chosen by a birth mother THE DAY they turnedin their final paperwork and the baby was born 2 weeks later. Another who waited 3 years for an infant. I also know people who have done international adoptions that went very smoothly and those who have discovered as they were in country to take home their child, the kid wasn’t actually an orphan and there was some serious shady business going down. Adopting from domestic foster (state) can also widely vary based on your desire for a specific age, gender, sibling group or willingness to have a child with special needs. The special needs can range from profound mental and physical disability to simply being a minority, older, or part of a sibling group. You can have an “easy” time with children whose biological parents have already lost all rights or be stuck in the middle of extended custody battles. Adoption from the foster system is generally fairly cheap and you get all kinds of tax credits for it. 

We plan to adopt, if we have have biological children then we will adopt our second from the foster system, if we can’t we will likely adopt an infant first then out of foster. I really want to raise a baby baby at some point. 

I suggest you look into local agencies and support groups, they can give you more specific ideas about your area. 

Post # 7
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

ljm308:   You can adopt through the foster system without being a foster parent you tell them that your looking to adpt and they will only match you with a child already looking for a forever home the back and forth generally happens prior to the state taking full custody before looking for a forever home. On your end things are generally pretty solid when they know your looking to fully adopt. Its also important to know all adopted kids will have trauma even if they are given up at birth with no history of abuse there is trauma there is the feeling of wanting to know why they were given away and the grief of losing a family never knew. But on the plus side you can prepare for handling that by reading stories of families who have adopted im a big fan of cath glass and her books 

Post # 8
2659 posts
Sugar bee

I found my youngest son under my back porch trying t stay dry and warm.  I brought him into the house and my son gave him dry clothes, he took a shower and had a steak, fries, salad and dessert.  His bio family was a mess–father doibg a LONG stretch in jail, mom OD’d.

He was older and DYFS was glad to get rid of him TBH.  I was able to get employer-assisted legal help.  His bio dad was glad to sign away his paternal rights {something I will NEVER tell him}.  I can say I honestly don’t think of him as adopted, he’s MY SON and my other son’s brother.

Honestly, I hasn’t been a walk in the park  He has underlying anger isues about his life and parents and it took me a while to find him a good therapist.  He has made progress and things around here are great.  They fight sometimes and I try to stay out of it.

Becoming a parent {adoptive and natural} was the absolute best choice I could have made.  He tells me we saved him, but he has added so much to our lives. I can’t imagine life without him.

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