- 4 years ago
I am tied up in knots. Our son is getting married and we just cannot seem to do anything right. We are trying to be accommodating but our son does not see it that way. From the beginning it has been very lopsided. The B&G chose a wedding venue that holds 200 people, but the bride’s family alone takes up about 3/4 of that amount. My husband and I came to accept these numbers, cut our guest list to include close family only and moved on. But now we are being told the other roles we are playing are not working out either. The rehearsal dinner became a problem. We were asked to host a party for all 200 guests. (Well, actually there was no mention of our guests). After an initial shock, we tried to put something together, but the size and cost would have been on par with the wedding itself. We had to send them back to their guest list to whittle it down a little. They came back with a number that included all the bride’s out of town guests. It would still be a big expensive party, but at least it was managable–85. Venues were beginning to book up, so when I finally found what I thought would be the perfect place and setting, I booked it. I was so pleased to be accommodating their wishes and was looking forward to telling them the good news. But when I told my son that I had found a place, he was mad. It turns out they were rethinking the rehearsal dinner again and might want to make it a lot smaller now. We keep agreeing to do whatever it takes, but then something else becomes a problem. It is causing our son a great deal of stress and we are accused of being difficult. Now we are getting the feeling that our rehearsal dinner is getting in the way of an idea the bride’s mother has of throwing her own party for all the bride’s guests at their hotel the evening before the wedding.
Our son has told us he wants all of our out of town guests to stay at the hotel where the bride’s guests are staying so that he and his fiance are not torn between two hotels. But their hotel is very far away from everything. It is close to where the reception is being held, but everything else (including the church) is within a mile or two of the hotel we chose.—Most importantly it is close to where his aunts and uncles, cousins and 85-yr-old grandparents live. Now he wants even our relatives who live in town (including the Grandparents) to stay at the bride’s hotel so everyting will be easier.
My husband and I are beginning to feel we are just one big inconvenience. My son has grown very close to his fiance’s family. They do everything together. They have a big family and they live in the same house, they take vacations together, eat together, shop together, drive to work together. etc. I remember years ago when they were first dating he thought it was weird and oppressive, but now it is his new normal. I am getting the feeling that my son would prefer that only his immediate family and a few close cousins would attend the wedding to free up the time and space for the bride’s family—his new family.
In any case, even though my husband and I keep “going along to get along”, we are beginning to realize we will ultimately, inevitably fail at everything from their perspective. I feel that our very presence is failing. I just want to do whatever I have to do to keep the peace. Any advice?