(Closed) Advice appreciated – hit our first speedbump in the "budget" talks

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
11574 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

This would bother me. It’s the principle of the thing, and the fact that the ring is a way of showing care and thought and planning on his part. I don’t care if the ring is a Claire cz or a 4 carat diamond, what matters is the love and intention behind it.

I also don’t like that he took your offer to help out and then used it to do less. 

I don’t think you’re overreacting, even though the money is all going to the same place.

Post # 17
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Try to use this as a positive and not a ‘yucky’ problem.

If you guys are going to get married this will come up again and again, where there are purchases that one wants more than the other or that benefit one more than the other.  You need to get used to talking about money together without getting upset or starting an argument.  and it’s not easy, it takes practise, you likley both have different financial priorities and so compromise needs to happen.

My take (which may not suit you at all) on your situation would be to fund all joint purchases from the same ‘pot’ of money that you both contribute to relative to your earnings, for example 60:40. so the garage, all wedding costs, house deposit and even engagement ring should come from this account.  

I think it would be a big mistake to just pay what he is suggesting and not push the matter.  This definatly needs to be fully discussed.

Post # 19
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

amsedlacek:  i totally get where you are coming from… originally he was putting up 1500 and you were free to contribute more if you wished and it the ring was 1500 or less, he’d be buying. but then it turned into, you pick a ring and he’ll give 60% of the cost. 2 COMPLETELY different things.

not to say that either of them is right or wrong, but if i were in your shoes…i would probably feel much like you do. i am not sure how to advise you, but it kind of sounds like maybe he’s “playing dumb” as in, pretending to not understand the issue so that he can use the ring money for a new garage for himself. 

i would take Soon2bmrs1’s advice and sit him down for a fresh conversation… 

Post # 20
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

That would bother me and not because of the money. I essentially think of FI’s and my money as both of ours at this point, but that would still rub me wrong. I guess because it seems like he’s intentionally being cheap even though he can afford it, especially since he really should be the one buying the ring IMO.

It just seems silly to me. Kind of like if your Fiance were to ask you to split a dinner bill with him. If you’re supposed to be a unit, what’s the point? Especially since it’s supposed to be a gift for you.

Post # 21
Member
2774 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Commenting to follow cuz I couldn’t have said it better than @Soon2bmrs1

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