(Closed) Advice but Not Invited

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

if you aren’t friends and you don’t have anything in common, i think i’d play the safe route and just not meet up with her.  thank her for the offer and just be non-chalant about the followup.

Post # 5
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

it’s so funny how people all of a sudden become besties with you during wedding planning…..people I NEVER see or talk to all of a sudden come out of the woodwork…..and there’s the flipside….people who I thought would be involved….totally MIA!

Post # 6
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You are under no obligation to invite anyone you don’t want to.  She isn’t really family and you aren’t close to her.

Go to lunch, hear her ideas, smile and don’t invite her.

I receive advice DAILY from co-workers and I wouldn’t dream of inviting them…

Post # 7
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think if it’s a one time lunch thing you don’t need to invite her. Your wedding is still a ways away. If you end up sparking up a friendship maybe you’ll want to invite her later. I have lots of people offering me advice and they still aren’t getting on my guest list. 🙂

Post # 8
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Just don’t commit to her helping you with anything in the future. For example…if she says, “I can help you shop for XYZ”…don’t let yourself get caught in making plans.

It kinda sounds like to me that your mom is sorta pushing her on you. 1 lunch does not equal an invite to the wedding, IMO.

Post # 9
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If your mom is going to (and originally told you that it would be just you and she) I would probably just go, live through it, and forget it, espcially if the wedding is still a ways off. If your mom later asks why the girl wasn’t invited, just say “Well, she’s not really a friend of mine, so I didn’t think to invite her” and then ask if your mom wants to add her to your mom’s invite list. (We’re giving our parents a set number of people to invite who are not on our list) If your mom has already filled up her list, then she likely won’t invite the girl. If she hasn’t and does want to invite her, remember that on the day of you’ll probably be so busy having fun and mingling that a) you won’t have much time to talk to her anyway and b) you might not even notice she’s there.

Post # 10
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I got together for a drink with two girls who are part of my social circle who married before me.  It was actually very kind of them because I am the first of my close girlfriends to get married.  They offered fabulous information, shared contacts, gave me great tips and that was it. I found my DOC and seamstress through them…

When I bump into them socially they ask me how things are going.  I definitely didnt feel any obligation to invite them.  I say go for it, pick her brain, get her contacts and leave it at that.

If she suddenly starts hounding you via email and calls, then i’d probably superficially  respond and not give her details as you would to anyone else you arent going to invite.

Post # 11
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with @Mrs. Meowerson: Sure you can tell your mom that you dont want to meet up with her.. ?

Post # 12
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I wouldn’t invite her. It seems like desperate attempts to get an invite to your wedding which I know all too well about.

My sister’s friend is desperate for an invitation to my wedding. She has stated to me that she hopes that she gets a save the date when I was sending them out a couple of months ago, and she offered her husband’s professional cake cutting skills (WTF..) in exchange for an invite. I’m not inviting this girl no matter how much she reaches out. I’m not her friend, she’s my sister’s friend. I didn’t see an invitation in the mail when she got married (I would’ve been shocked if I had considering the reasons stated above lol). Simple as that. 

Post # 14
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Riot: Tell your mother that it’s just not going to happen, even though it’s tomorrow. Don’t let yourself be railroaded. It’s never too late to back out of something you never wanted in the first place.

If she’s not invited to the wedding (I feel) it woud be very rude to allow her to help you toss around ideas and get the feeling that she IS invited. Which she will.

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