Advice? – Career vs. Baby vs. Finances/Security (long)

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 31
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018 - The Venue, Barkisland, UK

Is there another option? Could your Darling Husband rent/lodge near the new job during the week, and return home to you at weekends?

Really he needs to apply for this job. If he doesn’t get accepted – and he might not – then it’s all a moot point anyway. If he gets an offer you can decide what to do then. Maybe what I suggest above could work for a few months whilst you get things straight.

Post # 32
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

If you are planning to have kids soon I would suggest staying at your current location and your husband applying for the new job and either:

1) take a longer commute to work, or

2) He lives in the other part of the city and either you downsize or he finds cheap accommodation.

There’s never a guarantee that the new job or working/living environment will be better for you and your family. 

I am currently pregnant with my husband working in a different city.  During my pregnancy it has been overwhelming partially cause I was high risk.  So getting around from work to doctor appointments while dealing with the changes in your body is tiresome.  Having great colleagues who you have a good relationship with is important because they are more understanding while new jobs are a hit or miss kind of deal because you don’t know your colleagues.

When the baby is born then you two can decide what might be best.  Maybe it’ll be finding a location in the middle and hiring a nanny, or your mother decides to retire and you pay her the nanny fee. Or staying at home with your child becomes very important to you.  Or either your husband or you decide you want a new career.

Post # 33
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

spoilerssweetie :  So, to me it kind of sounds like you don’t want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. If you’re not willing or wanting to look for a new job closer to where you would be living, I would choose option 1. I’m not sure if you’ve thought of this, but with most PSLF and IBR programs, you will have to start taking your husband’s income into account if you plan on filing jointly. If he makes 3 times as much as you, that’s going to increase your payment by a lot. I’m not sure if that impacts your decision at all, but it’s something to think about/ look into.

Post # 35
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

spoilerssweetie :  Is getting a graduate degree (master’s) possible and would it be helpful? Just wondering if this could provide a decent solution to some of the problems.

Post # 36
Member
1369 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Nope, nope, nope to the commute! I have two small children and although I only work three days a week I commute thirty minutes each way and even that makes for a long day! I also don’t feel like it’s fair on a small children to be in care for such long as hours (and realistically you’re looking at 10-11 hours per day, five days per week which is a HUGE week for a child).

Post # 39
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t see IBR as a valid reason to stay at the university. Locking yourself in for “loan forgiveness” may compromise your long-term career advancement. Have you thought about paying off your loans early so you are financially free and can have more money to put towards quality childcare, savings, etc… Work environment is an important intangible but you have no guarantee that you can find something similar or even better elsewhere. 

Also, with the income ratio of 3:1, you have the flexibility to be more selective once you move closer to his job. I vote for your Darling Husband to get the other job, you start looking once he’s accepted the position and look for a home. Your earning potential will most likely increase once you are closer to the city. 

Post # 40
Member
4999 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

As someone who took 3 years to get pregnant, I would have your Darling Husband take the job, quit your job, and find a new job in the new city. You don’t know how long it will take to get pregnant, even without infertility you could be unemployed for a year for no good reason. You might as well work to save money, meet people, and keep busy. Seems like a no brainer to me actually.

Post # 41
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If your Darling Husband got the job and you moved, would you purchase the home right away? Personally, I think he should definitely apply for the new job. When he gets it, you could move to the place in the middle, and rent for a year to see how you like it. In that time, you’d TTC, conceive, etc – and THEN you can decide, after your first child is born, if you’d like to be a Stay-At-Home Mom or not. Everyone’s feelings about this stuff are different, and your life will change so much, you may find that your desires, plans, etc change. 

Post # 42
Member
1369 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

spoilerssweetie :  have you considered meeting with a financial advisor to discuss how best to attain financial security? A good advisor might be able to set you up with a passive source of income that will allow you the best of both worlds (staying at home but maintaining some financial independence and security).

something else to consider (and this is just based on my experience with my family) is that there will always be other employment opportunities but you will only get this time with your children once. The job market is forever changing and you can always use volunteering as a way to keep your skills fresh (or even gain some new skills) so stepping away now isn’t necessarily going to kill your career.

Post # 43
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I still don’t understand why there is not option 3: find a new job where Darling Husband locates to. Yes your job right now is great, but there are a lot of great jobs. And yes getting pregnant within a year in the new position sucks for the employer but a) employers know about that risk and b) there is no guarantee that you will get pregnant right away.

Post # 44
Member
2001 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would find a home and new job in a suburb of the metro city where your husband works. There has to be other universities where you can continue your student loan forgiveness. I wouldn’t want to commute an hour each day and I wouldn’t want to completely give up my independence in terms of working so the compromise to me is to move and get a new job. 

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