Post # 31
- Wedding: March 2018 - The Venue, Barkisland, UK
Is there another option? Could your Darling Husband rent/lodge near the new job during the week, and return home to you at weekends?
Really he needs to apply for this job. If he doesn’t get accepted – and he might not – then it’s all a moot point anyway. If he gets an offer you can decide what to do then. Maybe what I suggest above could work for a few months whilst you get things straight.
Post # 32
If you are planning to have kids soon I would suggest staying at your current location and your husband applying for the new job and either:
1) take a longer commute to work, or
2) He lives in the other part of the city and either you downsize or he finds cheap accommodation.
There’s never a guarantee that the new job or working/living environment will be better for you and your family.
I am currently pregnant with my husband working in a different city. During my pregnancy it has been overwhelming partially cause I was high risk. So getting around from work to doctor appointments while dealing with the changes in your body is tiresome. Having great colleagues who you have a good relationship with is important because they are more understanding while new jobs are a hit or miss kind of deal because you don’t know your colleagues.
When the baby is born then you two can decide what might be best. Maybe it’ll be finding a location in the middle and hiring a nanny, or your mother decides to retire and you pay her the nanny fee. Or staying at home with your child becomes very important to you. Or either your husband or you decide you want a new career.
Post # 33
spoilerssweetie : So, to me it kind of sounds like you don’t want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. If you’re not willing or wanting to look for a new job closer to where you would be living, I would choose option 1. I’m not sure if you’ve thought of this, but with most PSLF and IBR programs, you will have to start taking your husband’s income into account if you plan on filing jointly. If he makes 3 times as much as you, that’s going to increase your payment by a lot. I’m not sure if that impacts your decision at all, but it’s something to think about/ look into.
Post # 34
spoilerssweetie : Dont have kids, focus on your career. Be independant and be happy. 🙂
Post # 35
spoilerssweetie : Is getting a graduate degree (master’s) possible and would it be helpful? Just wondering if this could provide a decent solution to some of the problems.
Post # 36
Nope, nope, nope to the commute! I have two small children and although I only work three days a week I commute thirty minutes each way and even that makes for a long day! I also don’t feel like it’s fair on a small children to be in care for such long as hours (and realistically you’re looking at 10-11 hours per day, five days per week which is a HUGE week for a child).
Post # 37
summerbride2016 : That is a good idea! My job does have very flexible/accommodating hours so perhaps I can work from home some days of the week.
Post # 38
BeeDD : Him renting an apartment near the new job and coming home on the weekends isn’t really an option for us. He HATES his current job that keeps him away so much and he definitely wouldn’t want that if we had a kid in the picture.
BearBear47 : That is a really good point about having understanding colleagues. That can make all the difference in the world! We definitely won’t be making any decisions until kids are definitely in the picture (or due soon). I only jump the gun when planning, not when it comes to actually pulling the trigger on a decision. 🙂
citysparkle : That is the thing, I think being a Stay-At-Home Mom would probably suit me pretty well. I love kids, have endless patience, and would love nothing more than to be able to volunteer again (my current job limits that greatly). But it is the financial vulnerability that really gets to me.
We are planning to file separately for this very reason because the tax benefits do not end up equating to the loan forgiveness amount over the next 6 years. However, if I decide to SAH then that means we basically wasted money for those years we filed separately because not only will we miss out on the tax benefits for those years but we’ll still need to pay back all of my loans.
VictorianChick : Everyone needs to make the decision for themselves. I am not career driven. I am driven by the need to be stable and able to support myself. There is a big difference between these two. Being career driven suggests you find some type of fulfillment from the job (I do not feel this way about being an admin). The other suggests you are driven to reduce anxiety and worry by only relying on yourself. I am motivated by the latter. 🙂
marriedbeeexpecting : I have considered this and it is something that is still on the table. However this is such a gamble. I would incur more expenses without the promise of a better job.
Kemma : YES. THIS. I am struggling because I honestly think I would enjoy being able to raise our kids but I am seriously anxious about being so vulnerable financially. If something happened (death, illness, job loss, divorce) that required me to re-enter the workforce, I would likely struggle to find a job because there will be younger people who have maintained/expanded their knowledge/skills through continuous employment. I would be way behind in that race.
Post # 39
I don’t see IBR as a valid reason to stay at the university. Locking yourself in for “loan forgiveness” may compromise your long-term career advancement. Have you thought about paying off your loans early so you are financially free and can have more money to put towards quality childcare, savings, etc… Work environment is an important intangible but you have no guarantee that you can find something similar or even better elsewhere.
Also, with the income ratio of 3:1, you have the flexibility to be more selective once you move closer to his job. I vote for your Darling Husband to get the other job, you start looking once he’s accepted the position and look for a home. Your earning potential will most likely increase once you are closer to the city.
Post # 40
As someone who took 3 years to get pregnant, I would have your Darling Husband take the job, quit your job, and find a new job in the new city. You don’t know how long it will take to get pregnant, even without infertility you could be unemployed for a year for no good reason. You might as well work to save money, meet people, and keep busy. Seems like a no brainer to me actually.
Post # 41
If your Darling Husband got the job and you moved, would you purchase the home right away? Personally, I think he should definitely apply for the new job. When he gets it, you could move to the place in the middle, and rent for a year to see how you like it. In that time, you’d TTC, conceive, etc – and THEN you can decide, after your first child is born, if you’d like to be a Stay-At-Home Mom or not. Everyone’s feelings about this stuff are different, and your life will change so much, you may find that your desires, plans, etc change.
Post # 42
spoilerssweetie : have you considered meeting with a financial advisor to discuss how best to attain financial security? A good advisor might be able to set you up with a passive source of income that will allow you the best of both worlds (staying at home but maintaining some financial independence and security).
something else to consider (and this is just based on my experience with my family) is that there will always be other employment opportunities but you will only get this time with your children once. The job market is forever changing and you can always use volunteering as a way to keep your skills fresh (or even gain some new skills) so stepping away now isn’t necessarily going to kill your career.
Post # 43
I still don’t understand why there is not option 3: find a new job where Darling Husband locates to. Yes your job right now is great, but there are a lot of great jobs. And yes getting pregnant within a year in the new position sucks for the employer but a) employers know about that risk and b) there is no guarantee that you will get pregnant right away.
Post # 44
I would find a home and new job in a suburb of the metro city where your husband works. There has to be other universities where you can continue your student loan forgiveness. I wouldn’t want to commute an hour each day and I wouldn’t want to completely give up my independence in terms of working so the compromise to me is to move and get a new job.