- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Hi bees! I am posting under a disposable name because my picture/username are very identifying and this post is really personal, plus shares a secret that is not mine to share!
My fiance proposed on Christmas Eve and I have been conflicted about who to choose for my bridesmaids ever since. I took the advice of the brides on this board and waited before asking anyone. Our wedding date is set for next May and I feel like I need to pick soon. What’s a good rule of thumb for how far in advance to ask the bridesmaids to be a part of the wedding? My future mother in law is throwing us an engagement party on 08/18 and I thought that might be a good deadline to set for myself?
PS (I keep wanting to abrreviate bridesmaids to BMs, but I always think bowel movement when I see that written!!)
The no questions asked bridesmaids
My 2 sisters- one of which is also getting married in 2013 (in the Fall). When my sister, B, got married, I was her Maid/Matron of Honor and we agreed that L would be mine and B would be L’s. But L asked me about the Maid/Matron of Honor situation (she sent me a fb message and I called her so things wouldn’t get lost in translation). My sister, B, is no longer married and L will be getting married 4 months after me. I am closer to B, but like that we have the little triangle thing set up so that essentially we are all each other’s Maid/Matron of Honor. But L pointed out that B will most likely get married again and said she understands if I want to pick someone else. I just can’t really tell if she is giving me an out because she is also getting married the same year and/or wants to have someone other than B for her Maid/Matron of Honor or if she just doesn’t want me to choose her out of obligation. This is prob something I need to figure out between my sisters and Mom, but any advice would be great.
My best briend, K. Inseparable since birth and the first person I called after he proposed.
A good friend from college that played a big part in getting my fiance and I together. T said that if I don’t pick S for my side, he will pick her for his side!
My cousin who I am extremely close with and talk to every day. She is like a sister to me in so many ways. There really is no reason why I wouldn’t want her as a bridesmaid other than that I am blessed with so many people that I love. She is a good choice because she adores my fiance and I like the idea of picking bridesmaids that know us as a couple.
An old friend, H, that I met in college 8 years ago. I was not a bridesmaid in her wedding (she got married about 2 years after we met and although we were extremly close, I understood why she went with family/long time friends. I actually loved not being a bridesmaid in her wedding because I was able to spend time with her and help with things that the bridesmaids couldn’t because they were getting their hair done, pics taken, etc). She moved to another state 5 years ago. We are still really close and see each other several times a year. (She only lives 2-3 hours away.) She and her husband were planning to TTC this July and they recently found out they are pregnant!! I am so stoked for her and it is super top secret because she is only 6 weeks along and hasn’t even told her family yet. I am so freaking excited for them. A few months ago, we went on a vacation together and we had a heart to heart in the lazy river. She was asking about wedding planning and the subject of bridesmaids came up. She said she always assumed my bridesmaids would be my two sisters, my cousin and my best friend (who was also traveling with us). I told her that we would also include S and told her that I was also really torn because I wanted to include her but didn’t want a huge bridal party and also wasn’t sure if she would be up for it knowing that she could either be super preggo and wouldn’t want to be on her feet all day or possibly have a very tiny baby to care for…she said she would be very honored and also said, “you know I would make it happen no matter what!” So now knowing that her baby will be due 2 months before the wedding, what do you guys think? I really can’t imagine my day without her, but I feel like I already have such a huge bridal party. I also thought about including her in ways other than as a bridesmaid (a reading comes to mind). I am just so torn!!
Other important details:
My fiance has two really close friends that he plans to ask as groomsmen. He also has a cousin that is close in age that he thought about including, but they aren’t really close and after he thought about it some more, he doesn’t think it would be a good choice. He is an only child. I have two brothers that I suggested as groomsmen or ushers but we decided against that because one of my brothers is going through a really tough time (drinking, doing drugs, reckless behavior) and to be honest, I am nervous to even have a bar at the wedding if he is still on the same path. At one point, he thought about having his grandpa (they are super close) and his stepdad as groomsmen, but I am not sure if he is still thinking that is a good idea. Is that common? I know that uneven bridal parties are not a big deal and I totally agree. BUT I don’t want to be overflowing with bridesmaids. I care less about how it looks than how it makes him feel. He is very self conscious about the fact that he only has 2 friends and it doesn’t help that I have a bigger family and therefore take up more of the guest list, as well. We talked about doing his cousin and my (male) cousin as ushers. Which made me think that if I went with 6, he could have 4 groomsmen and 2 ushers and it would still be somewhat even. I have a lot of close guy friends, one who asked me to be a bridesmaid in his wedding and would be honored to be a groomsmen, but I don’t think the answer is to fill up his side with people from my life, ya know?
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!