Post # 1
I have a long time girlfriend who is not standing up in my wedding, but who I would love to be a part of wedding planning, etc… She is a close friend, in the group of 5 girls that I was close with throughout college and after (we are both 30 now). One of my bridesmaids is even better friends with her. I am going to her birthday a few hours away and asked her and my bridesmaid to come along to look at wedding dresses. My bridesmaid informed me that my friend doesnt want to come because she’s sad that she hasn’t had a boyfriend in a few years and “weddings aren’t her thing”. I have always been the supportive friend and i’m really hurt that my friend doesn’t want to go. I could NEVER do that to someone. I mean we’re 30 isn’t it a little selfish to be wrapped up in the fact that you haven’t had a boyfriend in a while. I mean when she gets married some day should I say that I don’t want to be involved because i’m already married and over weddings? I mean really! Am I over reacting or being too sensitive? What would you do?
Post # 3
I’d be hurt too, bc it’s something that’s exciting for you and you want to share it with your good friends. But I think it’s best to be generous with your thoughts. Your friend is 30 and hasn’t had a boyfriend for a while, perhaps she feels like she wouldn’t be able to be very good company for you. Sure, maybe she should just suck it up and try to grin and bear it all day while inside she’s feeling jealous and insecure and sad, but then do you want to ask that of your friend? How would you feel if she came along and struggled to have a good time? At the end of the day I think you want to go wedding dress shopping with people who really want to be there, because it will be so much more fun and relaxing. I’m sure your friend would appreciate a coffee date or something else instead where it’s not so wedding focused 🙂
Post # 4
Yeah, I would be hurt by that too. It seems like she is pretty insecure… but it isn’t right that she is making this about her instead of celebrating the fact that one of her friends is getting married. In the future when your other friends are talking about everything I bet she will end up regretting not being a part of it.
Post # 5
I’m a big fan of invitations not being obligations. I get upset when someone gets upset at being invited to something but the corellory is that people get to decline invitations with no hurt feelings. Especially since she is not a bridesmaid I don’t think she has an obligation to go – she presumably plans to go the wedding and bachelorette and shower… that’s a lot. 🙂 I think a good friend can be supportive without wanting to be involved in many extra wedding related activities.
For me friendships involve as few “grin and bear it” situations as possible, wedding are one of them, wedding shoppping is not.
I can see why you are hurt but I’m sure it is nothing personal and she would love to hang out with you another time.
Post # 6
i would be hurt too if someone i think i am close to doesn’t seem to be happy or excited for me.
with that said, i guess we all have to be realistic – this is a selfish society, self gratifcation comes first (sorry to say). she isn’t obligated to ‘pretend’ she wants to go wedding planning activities with you. that’s why i try not to invite people unless they keep on asking me “do you need help” or if they say “i would love to go with you” on a voluntary basis
dont feel hurt! stay strong