Post # 1
Background – friend was seeing a guy for about a year on and off. Nothing offical, never b/f or g/f and it was a bit of a rebound for both of them. They are still friends and nothing has happend between them for years! My friend is now married and pregnant with her first child (nothing got serious between them mostly because he doesn’t want marriage or kids) Her husband is fine for them to still be friends / hangout etc as it is clear to anyone that there is nothing between them any more. I have seen them together and it is very brother / sister like now and tbh I was always a bit surprised they hooked up in the first place.
Guy gets a new g/f and it is looking like it might become quite serious. G/F kicked up a stink when she found out that her b/f and my friend used to hook up and are still friends. She has asked him to cut all ties with my friend.
By the sounds of it he is refusing to do this. He is still friends with an ex he dated for 12 years and sees no reason why exs can’t be platonic friends with each other. Sounds like the g/f has not issue with this long term ex, just my friend.
Anyway – my friend knows how stubborn this guy is and other than this incident she thinks this girl is actually a good match for him. She is considering stepping away from the friendship herself to make it easier for him to give the g/f what she wants. She said she would be sad to lose him as a friend but she doesn’t want him messing up a relationship because of her.
Qquestion for the hive – would you walk away from the friendship in this situation?
Post # 2
I don’t think I would step away, because I don’t like enabling people (the girlfriend) who are acting irrational. This is for the guy to deal with. It’s his relationship to manage, to deem what is more important and valuable to him, and in a way this is an important thing to let them deal with themselves, in terms of their own relationship dynamic. But I value friendship differently than some people might, and I definitely understand why she’d want to get away from the drama.
Post # 3
I understand her temptation to walk away, it seems like a really simple solution to the problem. However, I think it doesn’t address the underlying issue – the insecurity of the gf for whatever reason. If your friend walks away there’s no saying if the gf will just transfer her insecurity to another woman. It also isn’t your friend’s place to decide how his relationship should be managed. It’s up to the guy, he needs to work out what is best for him.
I think it’s an honourable suggestion from your friend. Losing a friend, even if you instigate it, is hard and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Especially when in the long term I don’t think there will be much benefit being achieved.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I wouldn’t step away from the friendship. It’s not up to your friend to decide the boundaries and rules of his relationship. If he wants to end the friendship, he will. Ending the friendship for him doesn’t mean she would save their relationship either, as she doesn’t know what other issues they might have. Let him decide how to navigate the relationship.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t step away. I think it’s up to the guy to manage his friendships.
Post # 6
Thanks bees, I will pass on the advice. I kind of agree with you and have told her that too.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t step away because that would hurt her friend. However, I can sort of see why the Girlfriend is concerned to an extent.
You’re friend is married and pregnant, I don’t see why she’d be so adament on cutting ties with the relationship. The only thing I can think of is that she’s seen something that makes her uncomfortable.
It’s a sticky situation; I would tell you’re friend to talk to him and see what he wants to do.