Post # 1
My SO and i recently celebrated our 4 year anniversary. We are currently in a semi-long distance relationship, living 2 hours away. We visit each other every other weekend, and sometimes meet in the middle for dinner. It’s not been so hard, because I know that if I ever start to really miss him I can do something about it right then.
In about a month I’ll be moving much further away to start working on my doctorate. It means I will be about 800 miles away from him. I’m not concerned about my relationship with him, because we have shown that we can trust each other and we do plan to get married someday ‘soon.’ I do worry, though, about missing him and not getting to spend as much time with him. I also don’t know how long we will be LDR because I’m looking at a 5 or 6 year commitment with this program. He hopes to find school or work where I’m going soon, but it’s a pretty small city so I’m not sure how easy it will be for him to do that. I’d say the best-case-scenario involves a solid year apart.
Neither of us are great phone-talkers. We have been getting better at it lately, and we’re going to try to read a book, watch a tv series, etc together from a distance so we have stuff to talk about other than just ‘how was your day?’ We are just now starting the first season of Game of Thrones, haha.
What works/ed for you? Care packages? Snail mail letters? Skype? I’d love to hear your experiences.
Post # 3
@qwerty2k1: Started out my relationship as a LDR, so that is all we really knew. It is important to decided with your SO how often you will talk, etc. Some people I know go days without talking to their long distance SO. That would never work for me. While long distance we gchatted a lot during the day and would text in the evening, and then always did one short phone call to end the day and say good night.
One thing I do think that is positive about being in a LDR is that you really truly value the time you get to spend together, little things that could cause an arguement just don’t because its a waste of the short time spent together. It is also a great way to make sure you truly want to be with that person, because it is hard a times and it sucks when you want to see them and can’t.
Good luck and I hope everything works out.
Post # 4
@Mandi_LSU: Thank you for your input! As it is, we currently talk on the phone about twice a day. I don’t think I could go multiple days without talking to my SO, either. That is probably something we should talk about, though.
You’re right, I’m already finding that we are more careful with the time that we have. I do worry about missing him. I’ve had people tell me that, too, about how it is a good way to be absolutely sure you are with the right person. I feel optimistic right now.
I’ve also had people tell me that it can be a good thing moving without an SO when starting grad school because you make more friends if you don’t have someone to come home to.
Post # 5
@Mandi_LSU: Started out my relationship as a LDR, so that is all we really knew. It is important to decided with your SO how often you will talk, etc. Some people I know go days without talking to their long distance SO. That would never work for me.
This…exactly this. SO and I went to LDR after a year of dating.Our communication works differently from Mandi_LSU. You need to find what works for you two.
For us: He is the type who doesn’t really keep in touch during the day (we text 1-2x…good morning or a hi how are you at some point), and I’m the type who values time spent together, so we try to spend about an hour or more together every evening. We’re both busy grad students, so this doesn’t always happen and it isn’t just talking time. We’ll study/do work and watch TV/movies or play video games together. Sometimes when we’re really busy and/or out late with friends, we just call and say “good night, I love you” and that’s that.
This is what works for us. As I said, you will have to find something that works for you two. Communication is immensely important in an LDR, so if you can talk about each of your expectations before you start the LDR, that’ll give you a starting point once you agree on something together. Don’t be afraid to try new things if something isn’t working for you.
The one kind of positive thing is, you’ll probably have more spare time during the LDR than you normally would, so take advantage of that. Spend more time with friends you’ve lost in touch with, pick up a new hobby you always wanted to try, or take an evening class in a subject that interests you…just don’t sit around moping! Take advantage of the extra time you will have. Don’t let it go to waste.
Let’s see…what else can I say? Don’t be afraid of having to make adjustment. You are already in a semi-LDR, so you might not really have a big adjustment period, but for us in the beginning it was strange and (at least for me) scary. I was so afraid that somehow we’d make a ton of mistakes…and we did. But that’s nothing to be afraid of. No one is perfect. Just do the best you can, make adjustments as you go, compromise wherever possible, and keep on keeping on. You’ll get through this. Best of luck! 🙂
Post # 6
Oh the other thing is–and this should be obvious–trust is immensely important. Moreso in an LDR than a non-LDR. Keep that in mind.
Also, envy can be normal. I get envious of SO’s friends who get to spend time with him on a more regular basis than I do because we are on opposite coasts. That is normal. I am only human. However, I do not let it eat me up or become a big issue in our relationship because that’s just not reasonable.
Again, best of luck!
Post # 7
We Were 7 -8 Hours Away On A Train
Me In Scotland, Him In England.
We Skyped And MSNed Every Day. Special parcels were nice too!!
Post # 8
I’ve been in an international LDR for the past year and some months. One thing that helps is that we always go over our plans for the next day in our evening chat and figure out when we’re available to talk. That limits situations where someone is waiting by the phone or where one partner is being interrupted by a ringing phone at a bad time. I have some anxiety issues so it’s helpful to me that I know when he’s going to call or likewise, when he’s not going to be reachable.
I also like sharing the mundane details of our days. It makes me feel like we’re a real team.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
@qwerty2k1: me and my fiance do skype date nights. i love it. you get dressed up and order in food, often the same type or sometimes we do our favourites. we then watch a movie together by starting it at the same time or screen sharing. Talk about the film while were eating. after we may go online bowling or play some sort of game.
Our family laughs at us when we get dressed up for skype, but they think its sweet too.
it really makes things fun, especially for special days
Post # 10
We do nightly skype dates, letters, and care packages whenever we feel like it. It’s hard, but so worth it when you finally get to see each other! We’re able to do every six weeks or so usually. Just make time for each other and it’ll go by faster than you think. I try to think of it as some extra time to spend talking to SO and finding out strange things about him. There’s a LOT more just talking time, and it makes the time you have with him that much more special when it finally happens!
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club
We were 6 hours apart… What worked for us was daily phone calls, hand written letters, and skype. We skyped almost every night.
Post # 12
I was in a LDR for the first year and a half of our relationship. We skyped every single day. It really helped along with calls throughout the day.
Post # 13
We always set aside time to Skype, talk on the phone, instant message. We’d text each other pictures of what we were doing, make sure to send texts when we were out socializing so we knew we were thinking about each other whenever we did anything. Care packages are always amazing surprises! They were my favorite things to get.