(Closed) Advice for a shy bride?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

I know how you feel bee and wanted to let you know you’re not alone! I am super self-conscious. I hope some other bees have some advice because I’m definitely following! I would like to hear some tips too. 

Post # 4
Member
4246 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Your wedding is totally different than being afraid of speaking up in class.  It’s different because everyone at your wedding LOVES you and cares about you and is there for you.

Post # 5
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m shy as well and our wedding is very simple overall because of that. I could never be the center of attention at a huge affair. What’s your wedding like? Make sure you are going to be feel as comfortable as possible for the bigger events.

As for the walking down the aisle part, I think on the day-of you’ll really relax. Honestly between walking down with your father (assuming you are) and seeing your husband at the end of that walk, I imagine it goes by so fast and sweetly. I doubt you’ll even notice the guests much at that point 😊

 

Post # 6
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I completely understand, I am the same way. Your wedding will be different. There is so much going on that it will just fly by so fast. You will almost be entirely too distracted by enerything that you won’t even realize your nerves. They hit me the hardest about 30 minutes before walking down the isle (but 2 shots of vodka got rid of the butterflys real fast )  

and when you start to walk down the isle you have to remember to look at your fiance! I cannot stress that enough. When the doors opened for me to start walking down the isle, my stomach jumped in my throat and i felt like I was going to throw up, but seriously the second I looked at my husband everything and everyone went away. When saying your vows it seriously just feels like the 3 of us (hubby me and officiant). 

For the reception you will go around to tables (if that is the way your are greeting your guests) but you have to go pretty fast and just give hugs and thank them for coming. Im pretty sure thats all i said to people the entire night they will tell you how beautiful you look and how beautiful the ceremony was and the you just say “aw thank you so much and thanks for coming!” I think i said those exact words to everyone lol!

Just relax take a deep breath! It is much more stressful leading up to the wedding than the actual day. It really will go by so fast you wont have time to get shy or nervous!

Post # 7
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I’m really shy too and often feel anxious in social situations. I’m hoping the wedding won’t be too bad since (A) I’ll be drinking, and (B) most everyone there is someone I’m familiar with. It also helps for me if I just don’t feed into the anxeity. Just going up and talking to people without over analyzing the situation.

I remember reading a blog here on the ‘Bee from a bride who considers herself shy and introverted but was super surprised by how much she actually loved all of the attention on her wedding day. I wouldn’t worry about it too much and try to just be in the moment.

Post # 8
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m very shy too and out of the 83 people at our wedding, there were several of DH’s family and friends who I had never met or only met once before. 

This might not be the healthiest solution, but liquor, particularly whiskey and champagne on my wedding day worked wonders!

Also, just knowing that all of these people traveled (even if it was locally) and probably had to make arrangements (such as babysitters, buying a new dress, etc.) to attend our wedding really meant a lot to me, and made me feel like I should do my best to show my appreciation. I am normally the type to wait for others to approach me or for an introduction from my Darling Husband, but on my wedding day I introduced myself to all those I didn’t know and thanked them for coming. I know it’s nerve wracking to make conversation with strangers, but all you gotta do is introduce yourself and thank them for coming. That’s it! 

As for walking down the aisle, I totally understand the self consciousness but it’s a once in a lifetime experience, so all you can do is experience it and know it will be over soon. 

Post # 9
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I definitely understand your anxieties. Meeting with all the wedding vendors was the most stressful thing ever for me! But, things were totally different on my wedding day. Everyone was there for us, and the atmosphere was one of such love and support that you can’t help but feel more confident. 

As far as walking down the aisle, I promise everything will disappear once you see your fiance. I had an outdoor ceremony so people’s eyes were on me for longer than they would be at an indoor wedding, but I hardly noticed. I loved my dress, so that definitely helped make me feel beautiful and less body conscious! And during the ceremony we had 2 photographers running around, my uncle holding up the ipad that my grandfather was skyped in on and one of our friends arrived late. I didn’t notice any of this. I couldn’t take my eyes off my fiance, and the one time I did was to look at the groomsmen to help me not cry (it didn’t work, they were crying too! haha). 

As far as greeting everyone at the reception, I don’t think you have to look at it as if you have to speak to your husband’s coworkers all night. A few minute conversation is enough. I ended up spending most of the reception away from my new husband, as we both had friends and family that travelled far so we ended up spending the night with our loved ones, since we’ll see each other everyday  So if your fiance decides to spend awhile talking to his coworkers, don’t feel obligated to stay with him! Continue greeting your family, and have a blast with your bridesmaids!

Plus, I planned our wedding entirely by myself, so all the attention and compliments really made me feel great and appreciated. Words of affirmation is one of my strongest love languages so all of the praise and compliments just boosted my confidence and excitement from being married 🙂

It will be wonderful, you’ll be on such a high that it won’t matter what happens.

Post # 10
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I know what you mean! I can be really self conscious, and didn’t know how to feel about walking down the aise, but in the end it felt so surreal, and I was so distracted by who came that I forgot about everything! During the ceremony I wasn’t really aware of all our guests, only my husband.

It sounds like most of the day will be family and people you know anyway, and you don’t get to spend long talking to anyone in the evening, so don’t worry about having to make conversation. They will usually just talk about the wedding day, and pay compliments!

Post # 11
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Oh bee, I wanto to just give you the biggest hug. This is the best kind of post to read (not because you’re shy, but because you’re so excited and just want everything to go well)

 

Walking down the aisle: there’s only one person you need to look at, you probably will be trying to stop yourself from running up there, never mind focused on others

At the reception: Stick by your new hubby! Meet people by his side, let him take the lead when you don’t know people and need a hand. Have a glass of champagne and remember: everyone just thinks you look so beautiful and happy.

My friend was a really shy bride, she actually said that in her speech and apologized for “maing an awkward speech.. and for the awkward small talk that would probably follow during the reception” Everybody had a good chuckle, and then she lost herself in the fun of the night and had a blast. 

one step at a time 🙂 enjoy your day!

Post # 12
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I am feeling the exact same way and my wedding is in one month.  The closer it gets, the more panicky I start to feel.  I’ve suffered from severe social anxiety in the past and have come a long way, but this is really scary.

I don’t have a lot of advice except to say, you’re not alone.  And you will get through it, and so will I… because one way or another that day is going to come and we’re going to have no choice but to get through it!  And hopefully afterwards, we’ll be thinking, that wasn’t so bad at all! 

Good luck 🙂

Post # 13
Member
10 posts
Newbee

I don’t think you sound silly at all.

I also don’t think there will enough time for you to have to chat with guests for more than a couple of moments. It will fly by, and with any luck, your face will hurt from smiling so much.

I am not a shy person, and typically more extroverted, but I was overwhelmed by having all of the attention on me at my shower. If you are going to have a shower and any other pre-wedding activities, I would have the mindset that those are the trial/practice runs and opportunities for you to adapt (as much as possible) to having that type of attention on you. And on your wedding day remember that you will have your groom by your side. But, (and this is much easier said than done) be careful to be prepared rather than anticipate. Know that your attendees are there to see you, but try to avoid letting yourself think the worst. Maybe close your eyes and visualize what you look like when you are gracefully and calmly and happily attending your own event(s) (or whatever your ideal is). The more you can entertain the possibility of enjoying yourself, the more likely it will become. Without knowing you, I am guessing that you are capable of managing your anxiety. Use any healthy coping mechanisms you have already found to be personally useful.

A bee has mentioned alcohol. For me, I drank, and the combination of drinking more than I realized (people will probably make sure you have a full drink at all times) and the adrenaline coursing through me was not ideal. I would say drink, but a little less than you normally would at a social event.

For your concerns about walking down the aisle, you are right that all eyes will be on you. But you wont’t care because your eyes will be on your groom. Focus on him. You don’t have to look around or acknowledge anyone of your guests- just make a beeline for your man. And make sure that your dress and shoes or whatever you choose to wear are comfprtable and make you feel as good as anything you have ever worn before. Whatever details are important to you for your day (hair, makeup), make sure you work them out beforehand (don’t obsess, just prepare thoroughly).

I hope this was helpful. I wish you the best!

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