Post # 1
My Fiance and I are 17, both of us will be 18 in two months. We want to get married in Novmember because he is joining the marines. His mom is happy for us and very supportive but we aren’t sure when or how to tell my parents about it. I would love some advice about how you told your families from any of you ladies who are been in a similar situation! I realize that a lot of people think that we are too young, so how have you handled the negative responses from family members.
Post # 3
What sort of advice are you looking for, exactly?
Not knowing what you’re looking for, I’ll offer this: It seems like you’ve made up your mind to be married, but truly my best advice is to wait until you’re both older. There’s no need to rush! Statistically, you sand a MUCH better chance of having a sucessful marriage if you wait a couple years. Go to college, be on your own, experience life in a LDR and make sure your decision to marry is the right one.
Post # 4
@thursdayschild: Thank you for your advice and sorry for not being very clear in my post! I know its what I want to do and I’m still going to be going to college here while he’s in training and then will transfer when we move. I guess to me waiting when I know that I’m making the right choice for me doesn’t make much sense. I just don’t know how to best handle the negative reactions from family members about our ages.
Post # 5
Sorry hon but you really can’t avoid those negative reactions. Your family loves you and is in your corner. They can’t sit back and say nothing about how young you both are. It’s a hard thing to watch someone make that decision as a stranger here on this site ( prepare for many to advise you to wait). But as a parent it would be gut wrenching! I’m curious as to what’s the rush?
Post # 6
I’m pretty sure I understand why you want to get married- it’s extra pay for him, and you get treated better as an army/marine/airforce wife vs a girlfriend.
So I DO understand why you want to and the benefits to it. I don’t know your situation though, so I’m not even going to bother getting into if it’s a good decision or not. Who am I to know? I’m 21 and marrying an airforce man.
If you’re going to get married regardless, it’s better to break the news sooner rather than later! Just get it over with, so you can stop wondering about how they MIGHT react, and deal with the actual reaction.
Post # 7
@marinewifetobe: How long have you and your Fiance been together? I only ask because you are very, very young to be taking on such a huge lifelong committment like marriage, especially when you are facing so many other major changes in life (college and FI’s enlistment are two huge changes!).
I agree with the PPs that you will have to deal with the negative reactions regardless, because you are only 17. Honestly, I thought I’d marry the guy I was dating at 17; I was in love, and I fell hard for the guy. The person I was at 17 is not the person I am now. College has this huge power to change who you are as you develop your own independence. I’m not trying to discourage your engagement; merely suggesting you wait until you both grow up a bit before you go through with this huge commitment.
Post # 8
My brother is a Marine, so oorah to your boyfriend. God bless him for his service.
I’m sorry hon but I agree that this is rushed. The 3 months he is off at basic isn’t going to be any easier just because you will be married. Is that how you see married life? Getting married and then having your Fiance shipped out for 3 months? You will have no contact with him for almost a month before they give him a little time to call and talk to you.
You will (hopefully) be going to college and your boyfriend will be going through a MAJOR disciplinary transformation. You both have huge committments, and I wouldn’t want to see your education put on the back burner to plan a wedding. You’ve got time to get married.
If you are going to do it regardless of my advice and PP’s advice, then you need to break it to your parents asap and just deal with it. There is no easy way for two 17 year olds to break the news to their parents in a way that won’t make them react the way YOU want them to react.
Good luck. I wish you the best.
Post # 10
It sounds like you assume it will be a bad reaction. If so, you need to reflect on why. This doesn’t need to be a fight between you and your parents, they want what’s best for you and if they react badly it’s probably because they love you so much and don’t want to see you hurt. When you tell your parents be direct, no little girl wishy washy crap because that won’t make them see you like a grown up, make sure you listen to what they say and really absorb it. They know you better than us. They may even surprise you and be really happy about it.
Edit: My best friend got married to her husband right after he joined and right before basic, she was 18 and he was 19. They were very mature for their age and both parents approved. Not going to lie – I was a little skeptical but they’ve been married 9 years now with 2 little girls and seem just as happy as can be.
Post # 11
Why exactly are you wanting to get married? If you have a solid answer to that your parents might respect the decision more.
I can say though, that if my 17 year old told me she wanted to be married, I would think it was a major mistake. I was in your position a few years ago. At 17 I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the man I was with. Now, at 23 I’m marrying the man I’ve been dating since I was 15. He’s a great guy but we’ve grown A LOT since then. He’s in the military and I’ve lived my own life. We’ve grown a lot, but we’ve grown together. That doesn’t always happen. I’m really lucky it turned out that way. I hope you’re that lucky.
You can’t control youre parents reactions. Have you already told them? Are you waiting to tell them for some reason? They might react badly, but part of being an adult is accepting the consequences of your actions. There’s no line we can give you to make them think it’s a good idea. Keep an open conversation with them and maybe, over time, they’ll come around. Sometimes it just takes time, though in this situation I think they’re right to have some reservations about the whole thing. Please consider everything that they have to say, just like you’re asking them to consider your perspective.
Good luck, OP. I really wish you guys nothing but the best.
Post # 12
@megz06: I am going to college in the fall. We aren’t getting married until after he finishes boot camp so we can both see how these changes effect us. I know that both things could change us which is why we’re waiting till after.
Post # 13
@thursdayschild: we haven’t told my family yet but we’ve told his and they have been supportive because his parents got married really young when his dad joined the army. My family doesn’t have that background so it will be harder for them to understand. We want to get married because once he enters the service he will be stationed in california and the military doesn’t really car about girlfriends. I couldn’t follow him unless we are married and he would get an increase in pay.
Post # 14
@bricon: He is joining the marines and since we live in the midwest he won’t be stationed any where near here. The military really doesn’t care about girlfriends so unless we’re married I wouldn’t be allowed to go to california with him. We’re getting married between his rounds of training so that everything will be in the system when its time to move out there.
Post # 15
I’m not going to comment on your ages, because it’s somewhat irrelevant.
I will say though that if you’re wondering how to tell you’re parents, it’s too soon or not right. Darling Husband and I were beside outselves with joy at the thought of telling our parents and my parents were waiting breathlessly for the phone call.
Post # 16
Can you consider going to college in California so you can be near him, but not rush into marriage yet?