(Closed) Advice for an introverted bride?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Are you an introvert?
    I'm an introvert and the bridal activities were rough. : (44 votes)
    59 %
    I'm an introvert and I loved the bridal activities! : (23 votes)
    31 %
    I'm an extrovert! BRING ON THE PEOPLE AND PARTIES!!! : (7 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    1886 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @cjah:  I can really relate to this. The idea of 100 pairs of eyes staring at me at my actual wedding makes me queasy – I hate being the center of attention. I have coped by minimizing situations that make me uncomfortable. Wedding dress shopping has been ok as I kept it to just me and my mom. I already said no to an engagement party and a bridal shower. I figure a little champagne combined with the excitement of marrying my fiancé will get me through the actual wedding. ๐Ÿ™‚ 


    Post # 4
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2005

    I can totally relate to this. I cannot wait for our wedding but, like you, I get burned out in social situations very quickly. I get tired and at some point I just need to be alone to recharge. Our wedding is going to be a three day celebration seeing as most of our guests are traveling and it’s the first time in a long time families have been together. Which is lovely and I cannot wait but at the same time after Friday- rehersal dinner and party Saturday- Wedding and Sunday- Brunch and another party I’m worried I won’t have any time alone. 

    My advice to you is to just get away when you need it. Even ten minutes alone is helpful. Our wedding venue has a bridal suite for me to go to if I need a minute (and I certainly plan on using it) and other similar thigns like that. 

    As far as the bridal shower goes I found having a lot of food and starting the party with dinner was a good way to divert attention. Eveyone was happy, fed, and talking to each other and I could just mingle without having to be the center of attention. Also, my best friend threw my shower and she knew I didn’t want to play any games where I’d be on the spot or anything like that, so we didn’t. If the people who know you and are close to you throw your parties you will have an amazing time! 

    Just remeber if you need a break take it ๐Ÿ™‚ You can excuse yourself for a few minutes and nobody will mind. 


    Post # 5
    1669 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Ok Fiance and I are both introverts, which I have had a tough time explaining to my parents especially during this process because it’s always met with “but you are both so outgoing! you aren’t shy!” omg it is NOT THE SAME THING.


    I have actually had a great time during my bridal activities so far. If you go dress shopping again, just take one person. Trust me here. When I’m trying to make a decision especially, that’s too much pressure. I’ve brought one person with me to each thing – cake tasting, dress fitting, etc. so it isn’t overwhelming and I’m just spreading the love around. 

    I sat down with both of my parents when we started discussing the wedding weekend and explained exactly what Fiance and I needed. 

    For example, where I’m from there is usually a bridesmaid’s luncheon the morning of the wedding. I’ve moved that to the day before so that our day looks like luncheon, down time, rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The down time is scheduled in for me and Fiance and is non-negotiable. We’re going to take a nap together, not a joke. 

    The day of the wedding I am spending the morning alone, reading, then getting ready with my bridesmaids, and then I’ve scheduled a first look so Fiance and I can have some alone time together before the ceremony.

    During the reception, I’m going to ask my brother to sing during our first dance in the hopes that people will be interested enough to look at him… or at least, in my head that is what will be happening!

    As for the bridal shower, my first one wasn’t bad at all! I thought it would be but it wasn’t. Everyone was drinking wine and talking and unless I was opening their present, wasn’t watching me. It was so fun! But if they had all been quietly staring, I would have been mortified so I suppose it depends on your crowd.

    Post # 6
    305 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @cjah:  I worry about the same thing! My wedding is still over a year and a half away, but several people have talked about how excited they are to go dress shopping with me. And I HATE shopping with other people! I have actually contemplated going alone, which sounds sad, but I might do that once to see what I like without other people swaying me.

    Because I haven’t been through all the bridal stuff yet (but am also very introverted, so I can relate) I’d agree that finding a few minutes here and there to sneak away would be beneficial. I like to take my iPod with me for moments like that. Good luck! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 7
    1344 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

    I declined a bridal shower and bachelorette party. The wedding was a nightmare and a lot of wedding day is clouded by the accidental double dose of Wellbutrin I gave myself and a bunch of Xanax. I’m glad to be beyond all of that and just happily married to my husband. I don’t understand why the actual party of the wedding is so appealing to people — it was just mortifying to me.

    Post # 8
    8465 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle

    @cjah:  I felt exactly the same when trying on dresses. I don’t know if I just didn’t find something that was “me” or what, but I felt stupid in literally everything I tried on. I’ve never felt like that before!! Then I got super paranoid about having to actually wear something like that in front of people – and for me that’s what sealed the deal of “yeah, a big wedding just isn’t me.” So, we’re now having a small civil ceremony – Fiance, his brother and his wife, 3 of my friends, the officiant, the photographer. Done and done. I’m getting a short vintage inspired dress that made my jaw drop when I saw it (the only dress that did that) and I feel really comfortable about our decision.

    Post # 9
    305 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @CaroBee:  This is brilliant. And I HATE when people think introverted=shy! It drives me nuts!

    Post # 10
    910 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Having been through the wedding experience (shower, bach party, rehersal dinner, and wedding) I totally understand your pain.

    I really did not enjoy the whole experience and was let down by a lot of people (parents, siblings, bridal party).

    All I can say is try to have the type of wedding you want.  If you don’t want a bridal shower or bachelorette party then do not have one.  Do not be guilted into having something you dont want  because in the end you will have a miserable time and those throwing the party will be mad at you because you may appear to be ungrateful.

    On your wedding day, try to spend some quality time ALONE with the Fiance.  My Darling Husband and I took pictures before the ceremony and spent about 1 hour alone before taking pics with the rest of the bridal party.  Also, try to find some alone time during the reception.  Find a quiet place for just the two of you…. take the photographers along with you so that it looks less suspicious. 

    Post # 11
    2564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I shopped for my dress alone (I live in a different state from my mom and friends but even if I didn’t I think I still would’ve gone alone).

    The shower was fun, the four glasses of wine helped. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    We eloped.

    Post # 12
    616 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @cjah:  hmm. well I’m a bit of a different introvert – I actually like being the center of attention and love being around people but ONLY if I get my alone time later! If I go too long without alone time I go a bit nuts. What helps me is being able to step out for a little bit, or maybe talk one on one with a close friend. I also remind myself that it won’t last forever and I should actually enjoy it. Make sure you get enough time to wind down at the end of the day- hopefully that should help!

    Post # 13
    1231 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Another introvert here! I ended up loving dress shopping. The first time I went was just my sister and I. Then I went again with just one close friend. After that I went by myself (which was amazing), then when I made my final decision I brought my Mom.

    My bridal shower is in a few weeks and I am pretty nervous but excited too lol

    I feel your pain. I am just trying to focus on the fact that I am marrying my Fiance and I am trying to enjoy the process as I know it will be over before I know it.

    Post # 14
    487 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I bought my dress online, so I didn’t have the bridal salon experience.  Part of me kind of wishes I did, just to have the experience, but on the other hand I might have ended up a dress I didn’t really want due to other people’s opinions.

    I didn’t want a shower.  I don’t really have any female friends and it would be a lot to ask the female relatives to travel 3+ hours for a three hour party.  My mother in law and aunt in law insisted (they were going to surprise me with it, but decided to ask me because one of them remembered me saying I don’t want one).  None of my relatives were able to make it, except for my mom and sister.  The only friend that could make it was my dude of honor.  The rest of the people that came were my mother in law’s cousins and sister in law and the aunt in law’s friends.  Yeah.

    I was nearly dead after the wedding.  We went over to my MIL’s to open the presents and I was a zombie.  After being social and going around and talking to everyone all night I just wanted to go home and put on my jammies.  Even five people was too much.

    I didn’t have a bachelorette party, which I was fine with.

    I think the best thing to do is put your foot down if you don’t want to do something.  Make sure you make your wishes known as to what kind of party you would prefer for your bachelorette and your shower.  If you need a moment alone during the reception, take it.  I probably should have.  It would have made me less exhausted the next day.  My morning before the wedding was really low key – me, my mom and my sister hanging out, watching TV and getting ready.  No pictures, no fancy robes, nothing – I stayed in my Superman jammies until the last possible minute.

    Post # 15
    2532 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I feel like this wedding planning has been an exercise in “coming out of my shell” a bit. It was rough in the beginning, but if I look at everything like a personal social experiment it makes it easier to deal with.

    I wanted to elope, Fiance wanted the big wedding. Guess who “won,” haha. ๐Ÿ™‚
    I’m making a HUGE effort because I love him and I want him to have a good time.

    We’re scheduling 15 minutes of alone time after the ceremony and family photos. I figured we’d let the photog follow for 5 minutes then kick him out, hahah. The cocktail hour is an hour and a half, so we have some wiggle room to make that happen.
    Other than that, the rule is Fiance cannot leave me alone on our wedding day. It’s just one day but I don’t want to feel ditched (he does this “got bored walked away” thing that I am normally OK with and laugh about… I just don’t know if I can handle it with so many people around)

    Not going to lie, I am SUPER looking forward to our honeymoon, because I will be taking naps and not talking to anyone for days at a time. DAYS.

    I bought my dress online and alone (FSIL especially was disappointed) and really enjoyed it. I would have hated going into the salon – I HATE shopping. I am a horrible boar to shop with and I will fully admit that.

    As for the Bridal Shower, someone else is throwing it for me and they want me to be happy! So I’m making an effort for them. One thing I did do was make sure every last thing on our registries was something I would be happy to receive, love to open, and use. As a matter of fact I intend to buy any leftover items myself. Fiance got an opinion on everything but all he cared about was his SodaStream, which I found hilarious.
    It’s a low-key shower… in an arboretum (in the winter lol) near my mom’s house, and my bridesmaids are making the food. I’m pretty happy with that.

    The bachelorette is another thing… think I’m going to have to make sure I have a method to keep my energy up. Caffine? Cold Showers? 
    It’s going to be a LONG day, but my sister suggested take-out for food (eat it in the hotel room) and that makes me happy… some down time will be nice.

    What helped me was that we’ve been constructing out new apartment for the last few months, while simultaneously wedding planning. Somewhere between knocking down walls, picking out cake and putting up new sheetrock I lost my persistant social wedding anxiety and decided it was all too much stress so I was going to go with the flow.
    Can’t say I manage that 100% of the time, but most of the time I do.

    Post # 16
    1193 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I definitely agree with taking some time for yourself if you need it. Even if it’s just stepping outside to get a breath of air alone for 90 seconds. For me, I know when I zero in on my Fiance I can kind of tune out everything that’s going on around me so I’m going to try to do a lot of that. Just focus on him and not let the craziness of the day get to me.

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