Advice for coping with loss?

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 31
Member
2967 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

you’re definitely going to have so many mixed emotions over the next weeks/months- sadness, jealousy, anger, resentment….sometimes it feels like i take one step forward and 2 steps back. mother’s day was really hard for me because i would have been 12 weeks along and we had planned on announcing the pregnancy at that time. at church that morning, the priest had all the expectant mothers and their partners go up to the altar to receive a special blessing and i just sat in my seat and cried.

i think your husband might just be trying to be strong for you. my husband tried to put on a brave face for me and just kept telling my everything would be ok. but one night i went to bed and he was crying. he didn’t want me see, but i turned the light back on and made him talk to me and we both had good, long cry that night.

i feel pretty lucky that most of the medical staff and all our friends and family were very supportive during our miscarriage. my mother in law kept telling my husband to take care of me and things he could do for me. the doctor and nurse at the er i went to were very sympathetic. i got my follow up care at planned parenthood (i had just moved back to my hometown and didn’t have a new doctor yet and our insurance situation was kinda messy) and most of the staff there thought i was there for an abortion, so i had to keep telling everyone- nurse, ultrasound tech, doctor- that i’s had a miscarriage.

Post # 32
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

i never had a miscarriage but a few of my close friends did and both their doctors did not recomend for any reason to conceive again until 6 months later. your body needs to recooperate, if that makes sense and both doctors are very creditable doctors.

Post # 34
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Like I said haven’t had a miscarriage only lost a baby to SIDS. Kind of two totally different things whereas losing an actual baby I think is way harder on a person than a miscarriage (sorry if I offend anyone by saying that) but find it to be the truth with the support groups and therapists I’ve gone to. But sorry for your lost.

Post # 35
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Kay1126:  Yeah, I think I’d take your doctor’s advice over the advice of a stranger on the internet. Also, despite what the previous poster says, having a miscarriage is losing an actual baby. I’m so sorry for your loss – please hang in there and know that it does get better. 

Post # 36
Member
2967 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

imhisoneandonly: i heard my baby’s heartbeat. i felt that life growing inside of me. that baby was real to me, to my husband, and to our families. so don’t you EVER tell anyone that their miscarried child was not an “actual baby.” that’s insenstive and hurtful and you obviously have no idea what you’re talking about, so keep your comments regarding miscarriage to yourself from now on.

Post # 38
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@lilchicana i NEVER SAID IT WASNT A ACTUAL BABY! maybe you thought that in your head but go back and read what i wrote. i said DEALING with the loss of a baby due to sids like i got to hold him in my arms for 3 months is harder than losing a baby due to miscarriage! like i said i went to support groups for misscarriage/sids parents and no one said miscarriages arent real babies it just takes a harder toll on everyone other than the parents/ immediate family! so yeah i do know what im talking about obviously you dont. sorry for your loss but you have no idea what its like to lose an “actual child” in your words!did you have to hold their lifeless body? did you have to watch the ambulance/doctors preform CPR on your baby? did you have to feel the guilt that maybe you did something wrong after putting him to sleep? did you have to sit in 2 1/2 hours of investigation? did you have to use a doll and show the cops how you laid him down that night? did you have to have your house barracaded off for 3 hours while you were at the hospital/sheriffs office? did you have to pick out their final outfit? did you have to go through the mortican asking you to bring a hat for your baby boy because when infants pass their head starts caving in? did you have to go pick out flowers and a casket for your baby? did you have to go through burying your child? NO SO FUCK OFF! you have NO idea what its like!

Post # 40
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

ALSO LIKE I SAID YOU NEVER HAD TO GO THROUGH ANY OF THAT! so your right i dont think a miscarriage is the same as losing a child! until you have to bury your child then you can talk to me about how its the same! Also i dont see how i was “shaming” you in my previous post so flag me all you want. you want help? go see a fucking therapist and quit relying on people on the internet as another girl had stated to help you.

Post # 41
Member
2967 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

imhisoneandonly:  you said (and this is coped straight from your post), “losing an actual baby I think is way harder on a person than a miscarriage,” that clearly implies that a miscarried baby is not an “actual baby.”

and i actually did hold my baby’s lifeless body in my hands, thank you. you think i didn’t feel guilty after my miscarriage? no matter how many times people said it wasn’t my fault, i will always feel like there is/was something wrong with me or that i could have done something to change the outcome.

i’m not saying that one loss is greater than the other. i have never claimed to understand what it’s like to lose a child to sids and i’m not trying to tell you how to feel. but as the original poster said, this post was created for support of a MISCARRIAGE, which i unfortunately DO know about.

again, i suggest you keep your comments to yourself.

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