- 2 years ago
I am feeling pretty dejected and worthless. I have trained hard; I want to do a good job and I want the bride and groom to be happy.I feel like a failure and total loser – like I can’t do anything right.
I am a wedding direct/planneror for a good friends wedding and I have helped many friends before. It is somewhat challenging when you are friends and there are sometimes comparisons with don’t do business with family – I do it for free. I got my certification to help others as a volunteer. Part of the challenge in general is many people do not know how to use a wedding planner or director for their good or won’t let the Wedding Director do their job – they are everything person – director, choreographer, stylist, psychologist, cheerleader, prob solver etc. Anyways this has to do with a passive aggressive groom who has been at least outwardly ok with everything cake, dance, flowers, program, venue, etc.
The bride said nothing about flying in his family at their cost and genuinely wants the groom happy and I believe vice versa. Add to this a very strong minded sister of the bride and a brother of the groom with anger issues and who doesn’t like to be told what his kids are to wear as flowergirls and his outfit as bestman and a language barrier with the grooms family, plus no one, literally responds to emails there are challenges. I feel so bad because you can see the stress. Even though I am friends the passive aggressiveness and the voice of the groomis now showing – – not uncommon but not to this extent. You can see the tension between the bride and groom and you can forsee issues when the wedding party actually meets.
The groom feels railroaded – I bring up pros and cons and suggestons and typically focus on it is your decision, all I can do is help you make an educated decision. But the groom feels railroaded into things by the bride and now has found his outer voice two weeks before the wedding- meaning changes. Some can’t be done and the couple despite having a passive aggressive type are way over budget.
Standing from the outsidee even if the groom feels railroaded about some things we know there should be compromise. And while the bride never voiced any concern and this is just me I think it shows the commitment of her to the groom to allow him to bring his family in at their cost from Eastern Europe. I guess what I am saying all this stress is showing and on the horizon I can see a very determined bridesmaid and stubborn and immovable best man along with three children in the wedding party with behavioural issues – my play date idea to get them to know each other led tdo one of the flower girls getting a bloody nose. leading to a volatile situation. And none of the wedding party have met and includes a bridesmaid who is not really known by the bride but chosen because she wanted the photos to look symmetrical.
I have suggested the wedding party try to hang the night before since they don’t know each other; one set speaks Ukrainian and English is not so good butotherwise you have a wedding party who are going to be total strangers and that shows up in photos and in the wedding and bride and groom really enjoying themselves. The one bridesmaid wants nothing of it and thinks she doesn’t need emails and invites (including instructions about dress,when and where rehearsals). The other thing is a lot of the wedding is DIY and is counting on the wedding p arty helping and the one bridesmaid didn’t like that she was expected to help out the day before (essentially as I could see issues the wedding party now is just showing up although two are helpng out with set up) Anyways with all these interesting dynamics I am sensing a bigger blow out. I am trying to deal with all the groom’s “input” and Iwarned them, gently, this may cost – I told them not to print the p rogramme but they did for eg. I t is weird I did this to help people and I do not charge. It seems whatever I do is wrong and doesn’t help. I hear the groom and not that i am suggesting it is just about money or that it is a huge problem for the bride but despite him now finding his voice so to speak I still think for eg. even if he didn’t like this venue – it is a very elegant classy place with crystal and such as much as another it was her dream just as it was to have the groom’s family who have no money to come. They are sofar over the budget- I also failed though I presented them alternatives- in respect tocakes,invites,djs etc
I admit I feel everything I do is wrong rigth now and that I am the worst wedding director/planner. I love people and I know the dangers of friends.
I do believe the wedding will be gorgeous and they are getting a first class wedding when all they could afford was a modest one. I negotiated all sorts of things and with some diy and huge breaks like convincing the caterer that we could bring in certain food and a friend is doing the flowers, I am making the jewelry, and someone wrote a song. But I am waiting for a bigger blow up with the wedding party – none have responded to my emails or phone calls. They aren’t communicating with each other yes, in part language but they have been in English speaking jobs for at least 5 years. As a result no batchelor or bachelorette or mixed parties happen. I did suggest they at least meet the night before the wedding if not to do stuff (though I have it o rganized it all should be done to get to know each other.
I am asking for tips for dealing with the passive aggressive groom, how to manage and encourage a good wedding party relationship and generally how to make this couple happy – I am trying to do what I can with the groom’s input but changing venues now is no.Iff I told you that the wedding was put together in 4 months; I think the bride is a bit upset too she didn’t get much time to shop – I took her since she has few friends and in two days it was done and she had to settle for a dress because as I warned her it may cost extra to do a rush as some take six months or more to order.
Please try not to tell me how useless I am and how I am unfit to help as a wedding director. I know, I know not just this but everything I do I am useless.