- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
Hello bees! I have shared a few peaks into my life as my DH and I deal with the issues we’ve had with his parents (specifically his mother, but his father and grandparents are enablers). We’ve spent years trying to fix the issues but found no resolve until we talked to counselors about NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and realized it fit his mother perfectly. We still kept trying to work on things but the behavior gets more destructive every time she doesn’t get her way, and she’ll also throw hilarious heat-of-the-moment temper tantriums via email if she thinks she will be embarrassed in front of family/friends. He cut contact with his parents after our wedding 5 months ago.
With the holidays coming up and DH having to recently reiterate to his mother that he does not wish to have a relationship or be contacted, we just received a letter in the mail from her threatening that his grandparents will be dying soon and that even she and his father could die any day, and that he will live his life regretting his actions because everyone will be dead. The best part of the letter though was the bible verses she left for him to look up that “if he feels led to read will give him knowledge”. And of course, they’re the stereotypical verses about honoring your parents….and the extra fun ones about how disobedient children shall be put to death and stoned and have their eyes plucked out by ravens and then be killed and eaten by vultures.
Lovely picture, right?
I have always found a nice community here on the bee and have continued to enjoy the boards even after our wedding, but I am specifically looking for other forums that may help DH and I interact with other couples who deal with parental estrangement, specifically as a result of NPD. I know there are many bees on here who’ve dealt with the issues and wondered if some of you could point us in the right direction, especially since we are in the beginning stages of establishing “no contact”.
Keeping our no contact agreement is so difficult when we receive ridiculous messages like this. Luckily my husband has a backbone of steel and her shittyness just makes him laugh – but I am trying so hard to maintain the maturity to recognize that silence is often more powerful than having the last word.
Would just love to find resources that will support us in the coming years. We know this estrangement (however painful for all parties involved) is the right decision and the healthiest decision….but how do we move forward? How do we move into the realm of parenthood in the distance future and not repeat the same mistakes or overcompensate for his parents’?