(Closed) Advice for moving in together

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Figure out the finances of who’s in charge of what before you start living together. Having an idea of who puts what into the household beforehand will keep you from fighting about it afterwards.

Post # 33
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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@March1stBride:  OMG YES! 100% agree on the always together stuff!

I’m an Introvert who needs quiet time to myself. Fiance didn’t realize this before we started living together and followed me all over the house because he missed his family. Literally, I would leave a room for two seconds and would find him right behind me. It was adorable (and I felt bad for him), but we had to have a discussion about it or else I would have gone crazy.

Now, if I need alone time, I can go into another room and read for a while without him following me. He got all proud of himself recently and told me that he’s learning to “care for his Introvert.” Lol!

Post # 34
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@mrspinesol:  +1!! 

Your relationship isn’t like anyone else’s, so don’t let them scare you/make you think certain things will be a certain way. That said, we’ve been living together for almost 6 months and we’re still figuring things out and learning to deal with each other’s quirks. (For example, he never EVER closes the cabinets behind him and  I will never understand why he leaves them open, but now I just close them instead of expecting him to). We talked about money beforehand (who is paying for what, how are we paying bills, etc), but everything else we just take as it comes. Communication is really important! Good luck!

Post # 35
Member
2156 posts
Buzzing bee

@infinitykindaluv:  Same exact situation Fiance and I experienced! 

He lived long distance and instead of moving back in with his parents or a friend, he moved in with me when he came back home.

I can tell you it is very helpful to discuss chores and make it clear who does what- even if that means making a checklist or chart. We used to bicker a lot about this. 

Also, meal planning. So you aren’t (or he isn’t) constantly asking what he wants for dinner the night of. Ask him before grocery shopping to get his input on what to buy, then plan accordingly.

Bills. Definitely work this out before he moves in!

We lived in a 700 square foot, one bedroom, one bathroom apartment when he moved in with me 3 years ago. it was TINY! but we made it work and never really had any issues co-habitating.

I love living with my man! Good Luck!

Post # 36
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@infinitykindaluv:  heres one that hasn’t been mentioned: discuss your expectations about the relationship itself.  Most women (not all) move in with the expectation that it is a progression of the relationship/a step toward marriage, while most guys are not thinking about marriage at all! In fact living together may even delay marriage

Do some brutally honest soul searching of what you want and when (here you are on a wedding site!) and then check out the “Waiting” boards. Argh!

Best wishes.

 

Post # 37
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I hate to put this as my advice, but if you aren’t married and are moving in together, have an escape.  Find a place that one of you could aford if the relationship goes south, including utilities, and put everything except the apartment app in that person’s name.  My now Fiance and I always did this.  Everything has been in my name, even bills that he agreed to pay.  It didn’t hurt our relationship, but put us in a place where we know we aren’t together just because one of us can’t leave.

Chores and the like are great, but those can be talked out when you are living together over time.  Money, that is the big thing to figure out.  My Fiance kept missing the electric bill on time.  He would pay it, he had the money to pay it, but he would just put it in a stack of mail and forget that he had it, and then be hit with a late fee.  It was hurting US finacially, so I finally put my foot down and had him put it on auto payment. 

We also had a lot of discussions about “payign our share.”  I make more money than him, and I have less student loans.  He still wanted to split everything 50/50, but this left him stressed for cash, and me resenting that he was stressed for cash, and him resenting me for not being stressed for cash.  It was a long talk, and a hard talk, but I told him to put his pride aside and let me pay more for the house so he could pay more on student loans.  This has left both of us happier. 

Post # 38
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@infinitykindaluv:  First off, congrats! 

When Fiance and I moved in together, we had been taking turns living at each others homes on the weekends and some nights of the week.  We cooked together, tidied up together, grocery shopped together and ran errands together already… that helped.

Important question, are you moving in to his home, him into your home or are you getting a new place altogether? 

I moved into FI’s house and that created a different spin to things.  He had been living there for 4 years, he had spent a lot of time getting it set up the way he liked it and saw no reason for changes, so he was kind of territorial about things.  It resulted in a bunch of headbutting between us until I finally broke down and cried that it would never feel like my home if he wasn’t willing to give me some liberty to make changes.  He realized at that point that he wasn’t being fair and since then, it’s been wonderful.

As far as chores, we didn’t set any plans ahead of time but lucky for us, we seem to prefer to do different things.  He tends to do the yard maintenance, garbage and dishes where I tend to cook, clean and garden but that doesn’t mean we don’t alternate from time to time. 

You are going to find out new things about each other that you don’t like, and you will hopefully find out new things about each other that you do like.  Be easy on each other through this transition and try to look at this as if you’re a team.  For example, he might irritate you by the WAY he does something but see the good side, that he is TRYING.  Gently show him how you prefer and don’t be offended if he does the same to you.

Post # 39
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2005

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@LoggerHead91207:  oh my goodness “care for his introvert” that is too cute! 

Post # 40
Member
953 posts
Busy bee

Congratulations! 🙂 I would take it one day at a time. Even though I love planning and making lists, I didn’t have any expectations when Fiance and I first moved in together; we found a routine naturally.

Post # 41
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@infinitykindaluv:  I moved in with my SO 3 months ago. The only thing we discussed before moving in was that we’d split the rent, bills and groceries 50/50. I get paid fortnightly, so I put 2 weeks of rent into SO’s account because he goes to the real estate office to pay rent (we could do it online, but we like to have physical receipts that tell us where our rent is paid up to). We did have a misunderstanding when SO wanted to pay $500 worth of bills in full – I couldn’t afford to pay in full and wanted to pay it off, but he paid it in full which meant I owed him – instead, I paid the next bill which was the same in value as the one he’d paid. And sometimes, he wants to do the shopping which is not on a pay week for me. I usually give him money (he likes grocery shopping, I HATE it!) or if not, get the next lot of groceries. He’s probably paid more out than I have, but he makes more than I do, he has no debts but I am paying off a debt consolidation loan and I also have car expenses (he chips in for fuel because he uses the car too). We don’t have joint accounts, but I can easily transfer money from my account to his.

We don’t split up chores – we just do what needs to be done. He is home all week while I work and I am home all weekend while he works. He does do more because of this fact, and it can be a point of conflict for us at times.

Post # 42
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@infinitykindaluv:  First up, congratulations! Moving in is a big deal. It’s not a decision to be taken lightly and you seem ready for it, so good luck!

It’s difficult at first to adjust, but once you get into the swing of things it’s really nothing. It will feel like you two never spent a night apart. Take each day as it comes, it’s a fun experience, but a learning curve also. Work together and everything will turn out fine. 🙂 Have fun with it!

Post # 43
Member
28 posts
Newbee

@infinitykindaluv:  My Fiance and I moved in together rather quickly, it was about month 4 in dating when all of a sudden i was sepdning the night 4-5x a week, and so we kinda just…moved in togethe rwithout a lot of talk about it. We OFFICIALLY got our own apt TOGETHER in June 2013 and he is the  second BF i had lived with (altho prior to that i only lived with a BF over summer break while we were both in summer school for 3 months and then moved back out…so idk if it counts lol) 

ANYWAYS, we kinda just :understood: things should be 50/50 in terms of chores. If he cooked i did dishes or vice versa, if he threw in the laundry I folded it…. If he took the dogs out in the AM i would take them out at night etc. Sometimes if one of us gets laxy the other makes a comment but it;s never been a huge fight…. 

Be prepare to get annoyed by the dumbest little things, and to BE OKAY with that. IE: it drive sme nuts that he always leaves wet towels on the bed or on the floor… Just hang up the damn thing! He hates how i steal his razor, and dont put it back in the shower he uses (we have a 2 bath condo right now LOL) …. Just little htings that you will hate but live with since they aren’t worth picking fights over 🙂

All In All if you love him, it will be A OKAY  

Post # 44
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

My now-fiance and I moved in together without much discussion prior. We sort of played it by ear (tough for me, because I hadn’t lived by myself/out of my parents’ house before). We worked it out. We share a lot of the housekeeping responsibilites – for example, I’m happier tidying (dusting, etc.) and HATE vacuuming, and he doesn’t mind vacuuming but hates tidying. Because he owns the condo we live in now (but not for long – moving by the end of the month into a house, yay!), I paid him my half of all of the bills and they came out of his account. We’re not combining finances until after the wedding. We split things like groceries down the middle. I pay for cable and internet, he pays condo fees and insurance. 

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