since I don’t know your situation very well, I can’t really give you specific advice for your situation but I can tell you what I have learned.
I have had three live in boyfriends, all ended and were dumped (LOL) and one really awesome future Fiance I now live with (I’m 31) and am very happy.
I can tell you over the time from first moving out to now I have learned quite a bit.
Mostly what I am not willing to put up with.
I do not like dirty dishes in the sink for hours or days.
The sink is small and dishes are cleaned after every meal.
We never fight about this and we both chip in to our part.
He often takes command and will cook dinner and clean, offer to pitch in, vacuum, and my honey even cleans up after the cats (who he now calls his- I know he’s perfect ;P).
Before my future Fiance however there were some real slobs I lived with.
One who REFUSED to wash the dishes. Ever. I once asked him, ‘so if there are no clean spoons or bowls, what will you have your cereal in?’ and he replied, ‘ill wash one spoon and one bowl’. When I finally broke up with him, he told me it was a ‘joke’. Ha. He also never helped me with laundry (we lived on the second floor and I trucked all our laundry to and from the laundromat and would fold his clothes and he wouldnt even put them away). He took complete advantage of me. It was horrible.
Another guy I lived with decided that all my stuff was crap, needed to be sold, and that my stuff couldn’t be displayed because it wasn’t as cool as his. Obviously there were more reasons than that that we broke up but, I digress.
The main thing is compromising with the other person and splitting up duties so everything gets done. Two makes a team and it’s a lot easier with working together instead of one person doing everything.
I had a roommate once who was a an absolute slob. She would leave dishes in the sink, spill food, not shower, not wash her bed sheets, etc etc.
From all this experience, I have learned to let a lot go but there are some things I just am not willing to budge on. If dishes are in the sink overnight oh well, if we’re both tired, they will be done. I always scrub the toilet because it takes 2 seconds and it bothers me if it’s not done once a week – that’s my deal and I own it, I do not expect because of my high standards that he is going to do it too.
So, long story short, if there’s things that are an absolute must for you – let him know right away. If he loves you, he will understand and want to make you happy. If its something silly that isn’t a big deal – let it go/don’t bring it up.
The really main thing is making sure everyone does their part. You both live there, you both eat, sleep, and crap there. So clean up!
Good luck! 🙂