Advice for Moving In?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee

Can the bed in the living room be a day bed? That way it could look more like a sofa from an interior design standpoint. 

Know that things are going to be tough and he’s going to leave the seat up and not put his dishes in the dishwasher every now and then. Just like living with any other roommate, communicate well, be understanding and take deep breaths when things don’t go your way. 

Post # 3
Member
3562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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collegebee :  I am so glad you two found a compromise! I’m definitely laughing about the bed in the living room, but seriously — that is awesome. Maybe make it a daybed so you don’t have to take up space with a couch and bed, or so he doesn’t have to pull it out and put it up every night.

Before DH and I moved in together, we talked about chores and expectations. It honestly worked out super naturally and there was never an issue, but I think it’s still good that we discussed things before hand. And finances are something you really need to sit down and have a conversation about.

As far as him moving into your space — make sure you let him have some say in things so that it equally feels like his space. I think it can be hard to have one partner moving into someone else’s apartment because it may always feel like it’s more yours than his. So just be wary of that. 

Post # 4
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

One thing that I had to learn to do when DH and I moved in was to communicate and communicate in the moment. At first, I would go around cleaning after him for days at a time and then flip out on him for treating me like a maid once I was finally fed up. He was honestly too oblivious (sheltered, stupid…) to know he was making a mess and know that I was the one cleaning it. After a while, I learned to be like “See this? This is what I’m talking about! Come clean this now.”

 

This can be applied both ways though. Call each other out in the moment, not in a combative way of course, but maybe as a joke. DH and I attach the word “face” to everything, so when we annoy each other, we’ll often turn it into a joke and use that concept (hey, piss on the seat-face; okay, interrupt-face; Wow, can’t replace the Tupperware lid-face). If you wait to talk about things, you sometimes end up stewing over it and making it a bigger deal than it is.

Post # 5
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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collegebee :  since I don’t know your situation very well, I can’t really give you specific advice for your situation but I can tell you what I have learned.

I have had three live in boyfriends, all ended and were dumped (LOL) and one really awesome future Fiance I now live with (I’m 31) and am very happy.

I can tell you over the time from first moving out to now I have learned quite a bit.

Mostly what I am not willing to put up with.

I do not like dirty dishes in the sink for hours or days.

The sink is small and dishes are cleaned after every meal.

We never fight about this and we both chip in to our part.

He often takes command and will cook dinner and clean, offer to pitch in, vacuum, and my honey even cleans up after the cats (who he now calls his- I know he’s perfect ;P). 

Before my future Fiance however there were some real slobs I lived with.

One who REFUSED to wash the dishes. Ever. I once asked him, ‘so if there are no clean spoons or bowls, what will you have your cereal in?’ and he replied, ‘ill wash one spoon and one bowl’. When I finally broke up with him, he told me it was a ‘joke’. Ha. He also never helped me with laundry (we lived on the second floor and I trucked all our laundry to and from the laundromat and would fold his clothes and he wouldnt even put them away). He took complete advantage of me. It was horrible.

Another guy I lived with decided that all my stuff was crap, needed to be sold, and that my stuff couldn’t be displayed because it wasn’t as cool as his. Obviously there were more reasons than that that we broke up but, I digress. 

The main thing is compromising with the other person and splitting up duties so everything gets done. Two makes a team and it’s a lot easier with working together instead of one person doing everything. 

I had a roommate once who was a an absolute slob. She would leave dishes in the sink, spill food, not shower, not wash her bed sheets, etc etc. 

From all this experience, I have learned to let a lot go but there are some things I just am not willing to budge on. If dishes are in the sink overnight oh well, if we’re both tired, they will be done. I always scrub the toilet because it takes 2 seconds and it bothers me if it’s not done once a week – that’s my deal and I own it, I do not expect because of my high standards that he is going to do it too. 

 

So, long story short, if there’s things that are an absolute must for you – let him know right away. If he loves you, he will understand and want to make you happy. If its something silly that isn’t a big deal – let it go/don’t bring it up. 

The really main thing is making sure everyone does their part. You both live there, you both eat, sleep, and crap there. So clean up!

Good luck! 🙂 

 

Post # 6
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

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collegebee :  firstly, congrats on moving in together! What a wonderful and exciting step forward in your lives together.

Moving in with a SO can be very exciting and a little daunting. The biggest challenge is making sure communication channels are open, and expectations are set early. When my Fiance and I moved in together, we sat down and compromised about a lot of stuff. He’d never lived with a partner, and hadn’t been out of the family home for some time. We spoke about bills, rent, cleaning, time-out for personal space, sexual needs etc. This helped to set a starting point and helps with accountability.

Also, don’t sweat the small stuff. Like PP’s have said – he’ll leave the loo seat up, and you’ll come to find other annoying habits. Pick. Your. Battles. What’s worth arguing over?

But most importantly, enjoy your time together. It is one of the most fun and enjoyable times. You get to know each other in a really intimate way, unlimited supply of cuddles and laughs, and his scent will always be around. Plus, how many other roomies make you brekkie and bring you coffee in bed?!

Hugs and congrats again!

Post # 7
Member
43 posts
Newbee

CONGRATULATIONS! I would recommend:

  1. Hiring a bi-weekly cleaning service, if it is within your budget. This has probably saved my relationship because I HATE cleaning and he HATES a dirty house. Also, for anything that isn’t covered by the cleaner, discuss the splitting up of certain chores to divide and conquer. For example, I am horrendous at handwashing dishes, so he handwashes but I load the dishwasher. 
  2. Discuss finances early and often. How will you split rent? What happens if one of you loses your job? How will you budget for vacations, groceries, eating out? What are your long term financial goals (buying a house, a big wedding)? 
  3. Discuss alone time / personal space and respect one another’s boundaries. I’m much more introverted than he is and appreciate being left alone for a few hours a week to just watch trashy reality tv while eating gummy worms on the couch. I prefer during these hours to pretend he doesn’t exist, though I love him desperately.
  4. Get used to having less space, generally. Even though we moved to a bigger space together it was a huge adjustment for me just going from having everything be mine to having everything be shared. 
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