- 9 years ago
One of my best friends has been with a guy for 3.5 years. They were in college when they started dating, but studied abroad during different semesters, and she graduated a year early and moved to another part of the world. So they’ve only lived in the same place for about 1 year total. They visit each other a couple times a year and talk almost every week.
She just visited for Christmas and was really confused about the relationship. She has a job that she likes and real career prospects. She doesn’t want to leave all of that just for him. He just graduated college and doesn’t like his job that much, but he also doesn’t want to leave his friends and family for a foreign country where he may not have great career prospects.
Thus far, they’ve broken up and gotten back together again and again. My friend is getting tired of being in this limbo where no definite end date to the LDR exists and neither person is willing to make the step to be with the other one. At the same time, she doesn’t want to completely leave someone she clearly is attracted to and likes being with. Finally, she feels like he is not putting in as much effort as she is (not making himself available to talk on the phone, not wanting to email her more frequently, etc).
I’ve never been in an LDR, so I don’t even know what I could say to her. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you decide who moves for who without either person being bitter? How do you deal when the LDR is indefinite? And if neither person wants to move across the ocean, does it mean they should just break up? Or keep going in this limbo state?