- 6 years ago
Fiance and I have been engaged for almost a year now and we are FINALLY getting to the good part of the planning process: booking venues! We decided to have a long engagement to give our relationship time to grow and also have more time to save for a wedding. We’ve gone back and forth a few times together over the cost because Fiance is used to paying more for things/having “fancier” events, whereas I come from a family that barely ever did anything special because we had no money. It’s really hard for me to spend money, so you can imagine how I’m reacting with the prices of wedding stuff.
Anyway. We worked out a $10,000 budget for a wedding thrown exclusively by the two of us, no family contributions whatsoever. It’s a comfortable number based on our income, and while the places at the top of our list wouldn’t be in reach for that price, we could still have a pretty nice wedding IMO.
However, in the last month I think it’s hit FI’s family that the wedding is happening and it’s going to be the only one. He is one of only 2 children in his family, and his older brother is not in a capacity to get married so this is IT. His mom and aunt have started to take an interest in our venue choices and other stuff, which is great! My family will likely not be able to contribute anything, and many haven’t expressed much of an interest, so I love that I can possibly have these two wonderful women (with *excellent* taste in decor, might I add) to lean on and plan with.
Last night, he received a phone call from his aunt who insisted that we look at two venues we had already decided were well out of our price range. He mentioned this to her, and she said, “I want you to look at them anyway.” His mom has also said in regard to our wanting a photobooth but knowing it’s out of our price range, “Maybe I’ll have to make sure you get one.”
All very nice, and I can’t lie – I am super thrilled at the idea of his family helping us throw a really nice wedding. But I’m also cautious due to my experiences with money growing up. The way his family operates, according to Fiance, is that there’s not really any discussion to direct numbers – more of, “If you can’t afford it, I’ll pick up the tab.” Again, very nice but we all know how important having a definite budget is when you’re planning a wedding.
We have three more venues to see on our list, which I think we can accomplish by the end of this week. My thoughts are to:
- Make a “short list” of 3-4 venues we like the most
- Create expected budgets based on our expected guest list for all venues and compare that with our original $10k budget
- Send venue info + budgets to his family for their review/thoughts
- Ask if they can provide an estimated number for contribution so we know what we can expect and book accordingly
I know from our recent venue tours that 2013 brides are starting to book, so I want to get a move on and have our ceremony/reception site booked by the end of February. I also want to book our photographer soon because the one we want is planning her wedding for 2013 and I want to ensure we can book her. Venue + photographer are the two MOST important things to me for the wedding.
I guess I’m just nervous about A) asking his family for a direct number because, as I said, money stuff makes me extremely uncomfortable and B) upsetting them in some way through this process and ruining months of hard work on what was initially a rocky relationship. I also don’t want Fiance and I to get lost in the planning, since a significant family contribution will obviously make them integral to the planning process – I want the wedding to still be ultimately US.