(Closed) Advice for Newly Engaged Bees

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Rachel631:  Honestly, I have to thank you for preventing me from being tossed to the sharks by my own devices. I usually share details with everyone who inquires. However, you have convinced me to do the opposite if I want to preserve any of my own desires. LOL Should be a sticky.

Post # 49
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Rachel631:  “But there’s no need to DECLARE your shame, is there?” LOL! I’m tagging this for later. Hopefully no one I know (myself included) will need this.

Post # 50
2246 posts
Buzzing bee

This is an excellent post! Just thought I’d bring it back to the forefront, again.  The most solid-gold adivce to all you planners, ONLY TELL EACH PERSON THE BARE MINIMUM REQUIRED!  My point is:  Obviously, you can’t get away with just telling your parents the time, date and place.  But, even your parents do not need to have input (unless they’re paying, and even then I feel the offer to pay should not come with stipulations) on your music playlist, flowers, etc. 

What happens is, you start to get excited and really want to share.  You think, certainly, everyone else will be just as happy!  Wrong.  Very, very wrong.  Everyone has their own opinions on things.  For some reason, people to to over-assess their importance in your life.  So, when you’re experience a major life event, such as your wedding, they think their input should be of utmost consideration. 

I tried to give people the vaguest answers possible when they asked questions.  That method was pretty effective, but of course drama popped up for other reasons.

Another bit of advice I have that I know won’t be easy to follow is:  Do not stress yourself over the small stuff.  Like, DIY favors and programs, etc.  I stressed so horribly over those minute details.  I planned my day with the precision of a military General.  On the day of my wedding literally NOTHING went the way I’d planned.  Yet, I didn’t seem to care so much or notice in the moment.  So, I have a lot of regret for how I acted and conducted myself in the months leading up to my day.  Easier is best.  I could have made things so much easier on myself if I’d chosen to hand off projects and responsiblities to other people instead of being a control freak.

Post # 51
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

i LOVE this, commenting so that I can send this to my mother haha!

Post # 52
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Rachel631:  Hey thanks for putting this up! If only I had read it 8 months ago!

Post # 53
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I really wish I had read this 2 months ago! 


it would be hilarious if it weren’t so horribly true. 

Post # 54
1133 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

YUP! sounds just like my morning! ugh!! im done telling family details!

Post # 56
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

haha OP this is fantastic! I can definately take your advice!

Post # 57
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

View original reply
@Rachel631:  *bowing down*  I am sure I will be referencing this MANY times over the next year and a half!

BeachBride2014:  LOVE LOVE LOVE the zombie theme fake-out!  Tremendous!

I am getting crap about our chosen date already.  “Why so far away?  You’ve been together over six years already.  Pretty sure he’ll have left you by then.  He is younger, after all.”  <<—From an Aunt.  One I THOUGHT I was close to.  (in case you’re all wondering:  I am 42, he is 36.  On our wedding day I will be 44 (oct), and he will be 37 (mar).)

The only MAJOR issue we foresee for now is distance.  We will be getting married in the States.  He is English, and fam is spread all over Europe & South Africa.  Part of the reason for the extended engagement.  Want them all to have at least some CHANCE of being able to attend,  Can’t WAIT for those conversations to start!

Post # 58
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

This is why Fiance and decided not to have a wedding.. Small civil ceremony with just our parents and siblings.. Too many people with too many opinions. No thank you lol

Post # 59
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ahahaha…oh my sides! Yep, I’ve already had someone tell me my preferred dress looked like “a sack” and that the veil I wanted was “too old-fashioned”. Also that I should move my wedding to match their holiday leave.

And we haven’t even officially announced the engagement yet…

Post # 60
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

We eloped because my mother tried to take over my wedding and when I told her we wanted something intimate, she became very insulting. She weeped and moaned to her friends that I wasn’t inviting “anyone.” My mom is a show off and she wanted people to think she was rich, so my wedding was a perfect way for her to do so.

My Mother-In-Law was pushing my husband and I to marry in her backyard, which would have been beautiful but it would have required planning a wedding out of province.

My family and my Brother-In-Law were very hurt about the elopement, but at least I showed my mother that only MY HUSBAND AND I make decisions for our marriage. We are having a vow renewal for our fifth and my mother is quiet as a mouse…I have trained her well and now La Mere knows her place.

We recently had a discussion about my elopement and it was healthy because my mother kept sweeping it under the rug. I wouldn’t let my mom make me seem like an ungrateful daughter because I didn’t appreciate her “help.” She tries to guilt me into letting her run my life with “A lot of girls would be glad to have a mother that interferes.” I told her that she became very rude after we said we wanted something small and my mother actually apologized. Must have been a snowstorm in hell.

A favorite aunt of mine lied about my parents wanting to plan another wedding for me as a way to soothe my father’s (her brother) hurt feelings. I cut her off once I found out from my parents that she was not telling the truth. People need to mind their own business.

NEVER give in to nosy and controlling family members or else they will think that they can run your marriage and your life. 

Post # 61
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

OP this is awesome & so true. Gotta stand your ground on the wedding – sometimes family members use wedding planning to test their boundaries with you & Fiance.

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