Post # 1
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
Hello! I thought it would be a great idea for everyone to give a piece of advice that they have either heard or have kept in mind when it comes to going into a marriage. My Fiance and I just got engaged in December 2010 and are starting to plan our wedding. I realize marriage takes a lot of work but I do not think either of us will truly understand how much work will have to be put into it. I love him more than anything in the world but he can get on my last nerve sometimes! I know we are meant to spend the rest of our lives together but we will definitely need some words of wisdom to keep in mind, and I am sure there are other Bee’s out there that would, too!
So whether you can speak from experience, or have been given advice, please post a few pointers!
Post # 3
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
Never go to bed angry, Seriously. This is probably the most cliched and repeated piece of advice but it’s so much easier to talk and resolve all issues before the day is done 🙂
Post # 4
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster -Quentin Crisp
Post # 5
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Meet on the 50 yard line, even if you think you’re right. Compromise is key.
Post # 6
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
Respect each other, don’t nag, good communcation & compromise
Post # 7
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
This is all great advice! anyone have any other “words of wisdom” about the whole engagement/wedding planning process or for newlyweds?
Post # 8
Member
5669 posts
Bee Keeper
Fight! Not violent or attacking the other person but if you are upset about something holding it in just not to cause a fight is going to make things so much worse. I have found that by letting things out even if it’s not what the other person wants to hear it can really help two people figure out how to compromise and work together. And since it’s new to both parties most of the time the other person doesn’t even realize the did something to upset or hurt you.
Post # 9
Member
5669 posts
Bee Keeper
I regards to the engagement wedding process, try to take a weekend here and there and not talk about the wedding. Do things to remember why you fell in love and why you are getting married. It’s hard to not get so caught up in the wedding planning but it’s important. And most importantly remain a united front. If you are doing something that someone else might have a problem about (since everyone will have their 2 censt about your wedding) make sure you two support each other on every decision and never talk badly about a decision that the other person made.
Post # 10
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
I’d definitely say learn about each other’s love languages. We all give and receive love very differently, and so it’s massively helpful to be aware of how our SOs feel loved so that we can love them most effectively. For anyone interested, The Five Love Languages handles this topic really well!
To the newly-engaged, I’d also say to enjoy this new period in your life. Don’t rush into wedding planning right away–just enjoy being engaged to your Fiance. Engagement is truly a special time, and so often, we don’t take the time to appreciate it for what it is. And when it finally comes time to start wedding planning, don’t forget to prepare for your marriage! Work on your communication, talk about your expectations for your marriage and family life, and set a precedent for continued romance.
Post # 11
Member
10844 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I have a contradictory piece of advice. Go to bed angry. I did last night, LOL! Granted I woke up early with heartburn because of it, but when DH got up a couple hours later, we talked about it much more calmly and rationally. I find that if you can sleep on it and formulate your thoughts, in the morning when you’re not so caught up in the moment you can look at it with a bit more perspective and decide if it’s really an issue or if you can let it go. Plus I find getting into an argument at night is always worse because you’re both tired and just want to freaking go to bed and get that much more cranky 😉
Post # 12
Member
5279 posts
Bee Keeper
Pick your battles, seriously – some things arn’t even worth bringing up or discussing.
And I agree w/ Roxy821 – take days off from wedding talk, don’t mention planning, nothing. That mental break will help you keep your sanity 😉
Post # 13
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
@T.R.Bride: It has been a few years back, but I went on a trip with my church youth group and we studied the Five Love Languages. To be honest, I completely forgot about that and I am glad you brought that up! I will have look into that again and become familiar with it. I need to show my Fiance as well so we can go through it together. I like how you said to not rush into the wedding planning thing because I, too, think that most couples get engaged then immediately start planning the wedding and that is not what me and my Fiance did. I thought it would be important to not think about it for a long time, well I did look at dresses online..but I couldn’t resist 
Post # 14
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
@heatherleah: I had totally forgotten about the love languages too until Fiance and I did our premarital counseling! Our pastor had us write down our top two and bottom love languages, and then guess each other’s. Sadly, we were way off, in part because we largely assumed (as many do) that others want to be loved the way we do. We’ve seen figured out each other’s true love languages, and it’s been great because we’re both much more deliberate in how we love each other. Fiance usually calls or texts several times in the middle of his day now, which always puts a smile on my face.
And we were the same way with wedding planning! In all seriousness, we didn’t do one thing in the way of wedding planning for at least three months. We gathered a few ideas, but that was it! And it was amazing! We were so happy and in love and just enjoying being engaged. It was great to have that time together free of wedding planning. And now that we’re finally planning, I feel like we’re handling it better and enjoying it more because we didn’t go straight into it.
Post # 15
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee
Have realistic expectations about both your wedding day and your marriage, not everything will go as planned and everyday is not filled with rainbows but realizing this now leads to a lot less stress in life and marriage.
