(Closed) advice for not having a metldown over xmas

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
412 posts
Helper bee

He loves you and you KNOW that he wants to marry you. Take joy in the fact that you KNOW that that’s what he wants, and that you have tangible hurdles that you’re both working on overcoming. I’m sure he wants your engagement to be 100% happy, vs overshadowed by doubt about finances. Really what changes post-wedding? You’re already living together. You’re just waiting for the time to be right financially to make it official. So enjoy living with him, celebrating the holidays with him, etc. 

If anything, this is almost a blessing in disguise; helping his friend plan her wedding means you can start gathering wedding ideas and seeing what venues, vendors, etc. are out there without looking like a crazy person. This will make it less stressful to have a short engagement if you guys decide to “make up for lost time” if you so choose, once things have smoothed out financially.

Seriously though – focus on what you DO have. and that’s HIM. A proposal doesn’t change that.

Post # 4
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t have expectations. No expectations = no disappointment.

Post # 5
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

The way I think of it is:

If I invited someone to come around and help me plan…and that person became a hot mess and made it about herself, I would be LIVID.

So, help her and be as upbeat as possible. If you need to have a moment afterward, by all means do so! Just make it private. As for your SO, he seems very devoted and he has engagement in his thoughts. Let it be! Don’t see this as dreadful…like another poster said, you can get a feel for what you do and do not like while helping her plan. 🙂

Best of luck, hon.

Post # 6
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

don’t expect it and you won’t be disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

have you guys talked about getting engaged? what’s your timeline?

Post # 8
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@starbuckslover:  This is GREAT advice! I’m struggling with some of the things she mentions, and this helped SO much! I probably need to save this to my bookmarks and re-read it over the next few weeks, haha

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