Post # 1
So my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are going to the UK for xmas (he’s from there). I have my story on a post earlier – we met 2 years ago literally a few weeks after he arrived in NYC for a job. He’s got a VISA with his current company but he job may be in jeopardy so it’s been a cause of tension. We just moved in together about 6 weeks ago and we are in our mid 30’s (both never married no kids).
It’s been a whirlwind amazing relationship – i just knew he was it (i’ve had a long string of clunkers). He is an amazing man and I know he loves me so much.
In any case we are going home to see his family friends for xmas. I’ve been there twice before so I’ve met the whole gang and we all get along.
A few months ago 2 of his childhood friends got engaged (it’s a really cute story she and he have been close since they were 8 – she’s been married before has 2 kids – and after all of these years about 9 months ago they realized they watned to be togehter).
Since I have met her and we got along – she wrote me on facebook right after they got engaged in september that they want to get married in NYC and since they are in the UK she wants me to help her plan it (it will be a small wedding). Of course I said yes but my heart sank.
So now over xmas we’re spending 2 days at their house to plan their wedding. HOW DO I NOT BECOME A SOBBING MESS!?! I know this willl really deter my own Boyfriend or Best Friend If I get all selfish and fall apart – I know from a good friend that he brough up getting engaged to me a month or so back – but with this new job thing he seems to have retreated and it looks now VERY far off.
Post # 3
He loves you and you KNOW that he wants to marry you. Take joy in the fact that you KNOW that that’s what he wants, and that you have tangible hurdles that you’re both working on overcoming. I’m sure he wants your engagement to be 100% happy, vs overshadowed by doubt about finances. Really what changes post-wedding? You’re already living together. You’re just waiting for the time to be right financially to make it official. So enjoy living with him, celebrating the holidays with him, etc.
If anything, this is almost a blessing in disguise; helping his friend plan her wedding means you can start gathering wedding ideas and seeing what venues, vendors, etc. are out there without looking like a crazy person. This will make it less stressful to have a short engagement if you guys decide to “make up for lost time” if you so choose, once things have smoothed out financially.
Seriously though – focus on what you DO have. and that’s HIM. A proposal doesn’t change that.
Post # 4
Don’t have expectations. No expectations = no disappointment.
Post # 5
The way I think of it is:
If I invited someone to come around and help me plan…and that person became a hot mess and made it about herself, I would be LIVID.
So, help her and be as upbeat as possible. If you need to have a moment afterward, by all means do so! Just make it private. As for your SO, he seems very devoted and he has engagement in his thoughts. Let it be! Don’t see this as dreadful…like another poster said, you can get a feel for what you do and do not like while helping her plan. 🙂
Best of luck, hon.
Post # 6
don’t expect it and you won’t be disappointed when it doesn’t happen.
have you guys talked about getting engaged? what’s your timeline?
Post # 7
@MrsWBS: he gets very flustered about timelines. All i get is “i will do it and want to do it my way and in my time”. a good friend of mine told me 2 months ago that he approached her for help and advice about getting a ring but nothing happened.
Post # 8
@starbuckslover: This is GREAT advice! I’m struggling with some of the things she mentions, and this helped SO much! I probably need to save this to my bookmarks and re-read it over the next few weeks, haha