(Closed) Advice for relatives helping with wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2001

I’m having the exact same problem with my mom. At of a sudden, she looks at a few pinterest boards and thinks she can bake a whole wedding cake! Her first 2 tries were laughable. Thank God she realized it too. Lucky that she has a great sense of humor. Instead, we are gonna have a dessert bar via Sam’s club which was really inexpensive. 

It’s so nice that your family wants to help. Maybe just give tasks to whose who you know can do them or maybe to other friends. With your Mother-In-Law it sounds like she wants to be involved but maybe doesn’t know what to do. If she wants to believe she is the “wedding planner” maybe just let her believe so. haha

Good luck planning.

Post # 4
43 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

omg girl, I’m going through the same thing! i made a shared spreadsheet on google with columns listing what’s included in the venues ie parking, rental tables and chairs, catering available, sleeping quarters available etc.

my mom just kept sending me tons of random emails with one link to a venue idea and I was like…omg I already wrote this on the spreadsheet! then she finally started using the spreadsheet and not put any details at all. then i would go on the website myself, and after 2 minutes I would find that the venue has an availability calendar right on the webpage and it’s already booked!!

assign people jobs, but be strategic about it. i found that it was better for me to assign something small, but specific like tips for hair or shoes. my mom is obv not that computer literate and she can look up hair stuff in magazines and just show it to me. finding a venue is too big of a job for someone without patience and experience researching online.

make a list to keep track of who you delegated what to, and give them a deadline! your family wants to help, but at the end of the day, if you don’t pay someone to do something, it’s not their priority and if something else comes up, your wedding will be on the back burner (probably getting burned up!)

Post # 5
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We held our wedding on my parents’ property, so there were a lot of family and friends helping out on the day. Aside from mum and dad preparing the whole venue beforehand (gardening, renovating bathroom, planting flowers, etc.), we also had friends working on the bar (for free!), a local community club catering for everything, a friend of FIL’s organised the wine, my sister planned all the decorations (and set most of them up the night before), a friend was the MC, my cousin was the day-of-coordinator, my aunts decorated the ceremony area, etc.

It is a great way to save money, but it can be stressful wondering how it will all come together – at least when it’s a professional, you know they have a reputation to protect, as well as having a lot of practice.

My advice, here, would be to pick people for specific jobs, rather than letting them volunteer. It’s all very well that your mother wants to make the wedding cake, but if she can’t cook, then that’s not going to work out for you! If, however, you have a friend or family member with a knack for baking or cake-decorating, then ask them for help!
If you have family or friends with particular skills, then see if you can source them for help – whether it’s the cake, setting up the venue on the day-of, catering for the wedding (or just the cocktail hour), photography, making decorations before the wedding, etc.

I don’t think you need to assign a role for someone to help you plan your wedding, unless there are some particular aspects that you want a second opinion on. Also, don’t give immediate family (especially parents) any big jobs to do on the day of the wedding – they will have enough on their plate!

Post # 7
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@raziel1687:  I think it’s tricky having a contract with a friend or family member unless they are people who do that on a regular basis (e.g. if you hire a friend who is already a photographer, then you can formally hire them at a discount).

If they’re a close family member (i.e. your mother), then I think you can expect to just talk with them about what’s going on – so “You can do the wedding cake if you can get a sample done by X date that we’re all happy with. If you can’t get the sample done, though, would you be able to look into cakes from bakers for me?” I don’t think you can make her buy it, but you can always ask!

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